Author Michael Samadhi

Lifestyle dominant, sex blogger, sex educator, photographer, artist, pansexual, sapiosexual, polyamorist, pagan/Buddhist, former political activist, and community organizer. I tied up a girlfriend (consensually) the first time back in 1980, and it's been a hell of a ride ever since.

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A Naked Michael | Wicked Wednesday | Smutober

 

So You Want to See Michael Naked?

Well, for Smutober and Wicked Wednesday, here goes…

Naked – The Prompt

Today’s Smutober prompt is -naked-.

That should be an easy topic, right? For a man who literally has thousands of photos from the past few years on his hard drive, there has to be more than a few quality nudes, right?

Well, perhaps there are naked pictures of others. Not so much for me. The closest thing to a good nude of me was posted for a Sinful Sunday back in August – I was supposed to LOWER the towel?

Nearly all of the photos taken with my Nikon cameras are in action shots. I don’t do “posing”. I document scenes as they happen. While I enjoy watching a good scene, photographing one is even more fun. The pictures taken of me are the same, they are the result of my play, not of any posing or planning.

And, to be honest, I’m not partial to getting naked myself for scene play. Yes, I often have a submissive disrobe for me at the start of a scene, unless I’m planning to cut off her clothes. But my clothes usually stay on.

That’s at least partially a “power thing”. When a submissive is naked before me, and I remain clothed, it works to establish/reinforce the power exchange. I also tend to wear clothes that reinforce the power exchange. Dressing in all black, a suit and tie, in military fatigues, or perhaps in leathers, helps to establish an immediate command presence.

It’s also a “sex thing”. Just because I play with a submissive doesn’t mean I’ll also want/expect intercourse. In fact, that’s not likely to happen at all unless we are in a serious relationship. I’m complex that way. Without a serious relationship, I’m quite satisfied to keep my cock in my pants.

Real Naked

Being naked to me isn’t really about taking my clothes off. I’ve gotten naked in front of a group without hesitation. I’ve played in front of an audience so many times now it’s become a thrill. I put on a good show, clothes on or off.

But to me being naked has nothing to do with nudity. Feeling naked is when I bare my soul. When I talk about my inner fantasies, personal demons, ambitions, faults, and insecurities. Those are the things that make me feel naked.

I can cover my body with clothes and symbols of power. But, there’s no covering up that inner core of who you have been, and what you are now. I played football and other competitive sports back when I was in school, physical pain doesn’t daunt me too much. But, risking the emotional pain of having that inner core doubted or rejected, that can mean real pain.

That’s the part of myself I protect, my psyche. That’s the part of me I hold within a shell, not my body. Question my intent, my truthfulness, or my integrity, and it hurts beyond words. I know I’m human, an imperfect man, but when my faults are brought into the light, I will likely just want to recede into the shadows.

Naked Insecurities

Let me say up front that dominants are no different than any other human, we have our share of frailties and insecurities. I think some dominants hide their own insecurities behind a domineering mask. Perhaps I might go so far as to say that’s the mask many dominants wear.

That’s not at all who I am. I will win respect with my integrity and intelligence, my knowledge and skills. If we were graded in life like we were in schools, I’d like to think those are subjects where I’d get high marks. Hell, I know those are areas I’d ace…

Yet, I remain insecure. The smallest things, inconsequential things can throw me for a loop with no warning. Something like 90% – 95% of the time I’m just fine. Then I have “one of those days”.

And when I have those kinds of days, I feel even more deficient. After all, I don’t style myself as a dominant, I see myself as being on the path of Mastery. From myself, I expect more.

Naked Depression

Since I’m baring my soul, I cannot deny that I’m also fighting long-term depression.

It goes back quite a spell, at least 10 years. I am still capable of fun and of passion, the smiles in the images shown here on my blog are sincere and real.

For the most part though, I just don’t show or talk about the bad days.

My depression has worsened in the last few years, there’s been an increase in anxiety as well. Pursuing polyamory, in addition to living a D/s and/or M/s lifestyle, has made navigating the waters of life rather hazardous. I wish it were otherwise, but it’s certainly become true.

I left politics so I could be free to be myself, to live my lifestyle without fear or shame. I was tired of feeling like I was living in hiding. When my Mom passed away in 2011, I felt I’d truly be free to live without shame. (I was “out” to my Mother about BDSM, but she vocally disapproved of my lifestyle.)

Since then, however, my depression has worsened. It’s as bad as anytime outside of working my last year in politics – at the same time as my Mother’s health became precarious. It’s been tough.

They say depression hurts, and it’s literally true. My arthritis, the diabetic neuropathy in my lower legs, none of it hurts as much when I’m feeling better mentally. When I’m depressed, it feels like I’m facing a hill I could never climb, just to get out of my chair. Sometimes thinking even hurts.

Michael Naked

So, dear reader, there you have it. I stand naked before you. Not literally, but perhaps at the same time, far more naked than if I had shot a nude picture just for this post.

While I style myself as being on the road to Mastery, I have struggles just like most other folks. I have insecurities and my share of anxieties. My depression has worsened. All those years in politics took a toll on my physical health. I’m not always the man I want to be.

At the same time, I can also guarantee you that every day I work to learn and to grow. Despite my difficulties, I’d like to think I’m still on the correct path, it just gets a little faint sometimes…

Be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked!

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Saul Bass | Even if nobody cares…

Even if nobody cares… | A Saul Bass (1920-1996) quotation

I want to make beautiful things, even if nobody cares. Saul Bass

This quote serves a personal reminder.
I have to create for myself, to craft my words and images as art for their own sake.
Even if nobody cares…

Michael Samadhi, your humble narrator – at work on my first blog – circa 2007

A Recipe for Success? | Quotes for Smutober Day 8

Is There Some Kind of Recipe for Happiness, Success, Etc.?

Lots of other folks have asked the same questions…

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.

Carl Jung

Just knowing you don’t have the answers is a recipe for humility, openness, acceptance, forgiveness, and an eagerness to learn – and those are all good things.

Dick Van Dyke

There is no recipe to be a great teacher, that’s what is unique about them.

Robert Sternberg

Vengeance is the act of turning anger in on yourself. On the surface it may be directed at someone else, but it is a surefire recipe for arresting emotional recovery.

Jane Goldman

Trying to design the perfect plan is the perfect recipe for disappointment.

Patrick Lencioni

You can’t live someone else’s expectations in life. It’s a recipe for disaster.

Bear Grylls

You don’t run 26 miles at five minutes a mile on good looks and a secret recipe.

Frank Shorter

Recipe for Michael’s Smile | Smutober Day 8

Michael’s Recipe for Gastronomical Satisfaction | Smutober Day 8

It really doesn’t get any better than this

Recipe for a Simple Man?

What is the perfect recipe for Michael? Despite some rumors to the contrary, I’d like to believe that I’m really a simple man. Perhaps that leads to a simple recipe?

Truth be told, I’m more than a little bit of a hedonist. At the same time, I ascribe to Buddhist beliefs. They are traditions that seem to hold opposing viewpoints on life.

Most Buddhists are vegetarian. I’m a confirmed meatasaurus. Of course, I’m a non-traditional Tantric Buddhist/pagan. That makes a difference, I suppose.

Hedonists are known, in many cases, for their excesses. Buddhism teaches moderation. I tend to ascribe to the Buddhist side of the equation here. With that said, you don’t often hear that living a BDSM lifestyle is a path of moderation…

Perhaps I’m not so simple after all?

A Tantric Recipe?

When it comes to the ideal meal, a Tantric ritual called Panchamakara comes to mind. Essentially, it’s a ritual meal accompanied by intercourse. Also known as the “Five M’s”, Panchamakara is a Tantric term referencing the five substances used as part of the ritual.

  • madya (wine)
  • māṃsa (meat)
  • matsya (fish)
  • mudrā (parched grain)
  • maithuna (sexual intercourse)

As I noted above, the taboo-breaking elements of this ritual (the consumption of meat etc.) are only literally practiced by “left-hand path” Tantrics (vāmācārin), whereas “right-hand path” Tantrics (dakṣiṇācārin) oppose that interpretation of this ritual.

Obviously then, I follow the left-hand path…

These functions are the subject of the Panchatattva or Panchamakara (“five Ms”), as they are vulgarly called–viz.: Madya (wine), Mangsa (meat), Matsya (fish), Mudra (parched grain), and Maithuna. In ordinary parlance, Mudra means ritual gestures or positions of the body in worship and Hatha Yoga but as one of the five elements it is parched cereal and is defined as ‘Bhrishta-danya dikang yadyad chavya-niyam prachaks-hate, sa mudra kathita devi sarvves-hang naganam-dini’. The Tantras speak of the five elements as Panchatattva, Kuladravya, Kulatattva and certain of the elements have esoteric names, such as Karanavari or Tirtha-vari, for wine, the fifth element being usually called Lata-sadhana (Sadhana with woman or Shakti). The five elements, moreover have various meanings, according as they form part of the Tamasika (Pashvachara), Rajasika (Virachara) or Divya or Sattvika sadhanas respectively.

Arthur Avalon (Sir John Woodroffe)

Mahanirvana Tantra

Recipe for Kink

If you didn’t fully understand Woodroffe’s quote, that’s ok. It makes my eyes blur a little too.

I included it, not only to describe the five M’s, but also to illustrate how difficult it was to study Tantra before it was popularized in the West during the sexual revolution. I only know a small handful of Sanskrit terms, and I’ve been following my own Tantric path since the mid-1990’s.

I’m not a very good Buddhist, to be quite honest. I lost my spiritual mentor something like 15 years ago. Even then, it wasn’t a simple path I chose for myself.

Without his wisdom, my personal path combining BDSM and Tantra has gravitated more and more towards the kink side of the equation. I haven’t truly practiced the Tantric ritual of Panchamakara for more than a decade…

Recipe for Smiles – Michael’s Edition

Perhaps I really am a simple man after all.

Give me a nice ribeye steak, a side of good vegetables, and I’m thrilled. A glass of wine is nice, but I’m a Type II diabetic, I’d probably prefer a cup of coffee or a diet soft drink. That’s really all it takes.

And, that’s my recipe for you too – pure simplicity. No courses. No sauces or glazes. Nothing marinated.

Sometimes it’s just the simple things in life…

Samual Pepys | Entertain myself with my perspective glass

The Diary of Samual Pepys

 

Samual Pepys (1633 – 1703)

Before the yesterday, I had no idea that Samual Pepys existed. I’d certainly never heard of his diary. Or, if I had run across his writing before, it wasn’t that memorable.

I had a single year of English Literature. We encountered lot’s of memorable writing that year, no doubt. But, I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a selection from Samual Pepys. I’m also pretty sure I would have enjoyed his diary more than all the time we spent on Beowulf. And, I know for a fact it would have been better than the hour we spent listening to that ancient epic read in Old English…

It’s my understanding that Pepys’ diary is at least somewhat infamous. And, that it’s probably more likely that you’ll know something of the man and his diary if you are from England. I appreciate now that his diary was groundbreaking in a number of ways, as well as giving a vivid portrayal of life in his time…

I did entertain myself with my perspective glass up and down the church, by which I had the great pleasure of seeing and gazing at a great many very fine women…

Samuel Pepys (1633 – 1703)

The Diary of Samuel Pepys

Samuel Pepys

I laughed pretty hard at this quote when I found it. How absurd it all seemed, using a spyglass to peek around a congregation.

Then it dawned on me how going to church would have been much more inviting to me, had I been allowed to bring a small telescope. Even if a church is far from being a sexualized setting, the idea appeals to my voyeuristic side.

What does appear obvious, is that our sense of decorum has changed dramatically since the 17th century. Yes, Samuel Pepys was a Member of Parliment and Chief Secretary to the Admiralty.  But, no matter their title, I just can’t imagine anyone in the modern age getting away with bringing a telescope to church for girl watching…

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