Author Michael Samadhi

Lifestyle dominant, sex blogger, sex educator, photographer, artist, pansexual, sapiosexual, polyamorist, pagan/Buddhist, former political activist, and community organizer. I tied up a girlfriend (consensually) the first time back in 1980, and it's been a hell of a ride ever since.

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“Life is too short to be living someone else’s dream.” ~ RIP Hugh Hefner

Hugh Hefner  (April 9, 1926 – September 27, 2017)

In my wildest dreams, I could not have imagined a sweeter life. Hugh Hefner

I come not to praise Hefner, but to bury him…

Let’s be honest, Hugh Hefner’s legacy is a very mixed bag.

That’s probably obvious to folks who get their news from more than one source.  Hefner’s passing two days ago has elicited a vast number of obituaries.

Some have looked back on his life as very much a net positive.

From that viewpoint, Hefner’s greatest legacy may be the vast business empire he built.  For one group of folks, that sort of business acumen is a good unto itself.

Hugh will certainly be well remembered by some for the sexual taboos he broke.

In the same vein, others respect the barriers he broke with Playboy.  Some will even say Playboy empowered women all across our country.  I can’t argue with any of that.

Obviously, there’s a dark side as well.  Certainly, it can be argued that Hugh Hefner’s entire business empire was based on the exploitation of women.

I’ve read obituaries blaming Hefner for everything from pornography addiction to promiscuity.

More than a fair number of people have portrayed “Hef” as something far less than a nice man.  Perhaps some of those portraits are the product of jealousy and/or personal recrimination.

Perhaps not…

I won’t take great issue with the majority of the negative portrayals either.  It’s a simple guess, but probably accurate to say it’s all really just a matter of perspective.

And, whether you love or hate Hefner, there’s no denying the ways Playboy helped change the sexual landscape of the United States.

I can see both good and bad in Hugh Hefner.

He may have been a celebrity, but in leaving a complex legacy, in being seen as good by some and awful by others, he ends up being like every other man.

Well, if we hadn’t had the Wright brothers, there would still be airplanes. If there hadn’t been an Edison, there would still be electric lights. And if there hadn’t been a Hefner, we’d still have sex. But maybe we wouldn’t be enjoying it as much. So the world would be a little poorer. Come to think of it, so would some of my relatives. Hugh Hefner

Playboy interview - 1974

A Life in Quotes ~ Hugh Hefner

Being attacked by right-wing Christians did not bother me. Being attacked by liberal feminists did. Hugh Hefner

My father lived an exceptional and impactful life as a media and cultural pioneer and a leading voice behind some of the most significant social and cultural movements of our time in advocating free speech, civil rights and sexual freedom. He defined a lifestyle and ethos that lie at the heart of the Playboy brand, one of the most recognizable and enduring in history. He will be greatly missed by many, including his wife Crystal, my sister Christie and my brothers David and Marston, and all of us at Playboy Enterprises. Cooper Hefner

Hugh Hefner's son | chief creative officer of Playboy

Much of my life has been like an adolescent dream of an adult life. If you were still a boy, in almost a Peter Pan kind of way, and could have just the perfect life that you wanted to have, that’s the life I invented for myself. Hugh Hefner

LA Times

If you do something wrong, you’ll get an email. There’s a strict code of conduct. There are even rules about Instagram and Twitter. You’ve got to show everything in a good light and if you’re drunk in a picture you’ll be in trouble. Melissa Howe

Inside Playboy Mansion: 'It's like a prison and Hugh Hefner prefers tennis to sex', The Mirror

Although we all did our best to decorate our rooms and make them homey, the mattresses on our beds were ­disgusting — old, worn and stained. The sheets were past their best too. Izabella St. James

Bunny Tales: Behind Closed Doors at the Playboy Mansion

Without the dynamic of the other multiple girlfriends to play off of, Hef’s true colors really came out. He started to get really snappish and verbally abusive with me. I had been able to overlook so many things in the relationship, but when he finally verbalized how he truly was, and I realized he wasn’t that nice of a guy, I really woke up. Holly Madison

Hugh Hefner & Holly Madison

The Playmate of the Year used to get a Porsche.

Now she gets a Mini Cooper that she has to return after a year!

Carla Howe

Inside Playboy Mansion: 'It's like a prison and Hugh Hefner prefers tennis to sex', The Mirror

Every Friday morning we had to go to Hef’s room, wait while he picked up all the dog poo off the carpet — and then ask for our allowance: a thousand dollars counted out in crisp hundred-dollar bills from a safe in one of his bookcases. We all hated this process. Hef would always use the occasion to bring up anything he wasn’t happy about in the relationship. Most of the complaints were about the lack of harmony among the girlfriends — or your lack of sexual participation in the ‘parties’ he held in his bedroom. If we’d been out of town for any reason and missed one of the official ‘going out’ nights [when Hefner liked to parade his girls at nightclubs] he wouldn’t want to give us the allowance. He used it as a weapon. Izabella St. James

Bunny Tales: Behind Closed Doors at the Playboy Mansion

I launched the magazine on $5,000 dollars. My mother loaned me $1,000. The first issue came out at the end of 1953. I knew I needed something original. I had a photographer shoot a 3D feature for the first issue and learned it would cost too much money. When the 3D thing turned out to be too expensive, at that same moment I came across the photos of Marilyn Monroe. People had heard about it but they hadn’t seen it. And that was the first issue. Hugh Hefner

Much of my life has been like an adolescent dream of an adult life. If you were still a boy, in almost a Peter Pan kind of way, and could have just the perfect life that you wanted to have, that’s the life I invented for myself. Hugh Hefner

1992 interview, Los Angeles Times

Today the world lost a legend. #HughHefner started my career. For 22 yrs I got to wish him happy new year at his mansion. I’ll miss him.”

Ron Jeremy

My best pick-up line is ‘My name is Hugh Hefner.’

Hugh Hefner

When it first gets started his main girlfriend gives him [oral sex], then she has sex with him. She’s the first to go because that’s the safest for her. No protection and no testing. He doesn’t care.

Jill Ann Spaulding

Jill Ann: Upstairs

At about the minute mark, I pulled away and it was done. It was like a job. Clock in, clock out. It’s not like I enjoyed having sex with him.

Kendra Wilkinson

Sliding Into Home

Hugh Hefner absolutely revolutionized the persona of the American male. In the post-World War II era, men’s magazines were about hunting and fishing or the military, or they were like Esquire, erotic magazines with a kind of European flair.

Hefner reimagined the American male as a connoisseur in the continental manner, a man who enjoyed all the fine pleasures of life, including sex. Hefner brilliantly put sex into a continuum of appreciative response to jazz, to art, to ideas, to fine food. This was something brand new. Enjoying fine cuisine had always been considered unmanly in America. Hefner updated and revitalized the image of the British gentleman, a man of leisure who is deft at conversation — in which American men have never distinguished themselves — and the art of seduction, which was a sport refined by the French.

Hefner’s new vision of American masculinity was part of his desperate revision of his own Puritan heritage. On his father’s side, he descended directly from William Bradford, who came over on the Mayflower and was governor of Plymouth Colony, the major settlement of New England Puritans.

But Hefner’s worldview was already dated by the explosion of the psychedelic 1960s. The anything-goes, free-love atmosphere — illustrated by all that hedonistic rolling around in the mud at Woodstock in 1969 — made the suave Hefner style seem old-fashioned and buttoned up. Nevertheless, I have always taken the position that the men’s magazines — from the glossiest and most sophisticated to the rawest and raunchiest — represent the brute reality of sexuality. Pornography is not a distortion. It is not a sexist twisting of the facts of life but a kind of peephole into the roiling, primitive animal energies that are at the heart of sexual attraction and desire.

Camille Paglia

Sexual Education ~ Sheryl Lee Ralph, Piers Anthony, Victoria Wood, Karl Kraus, Rod McKuen

I cannot believe that my generation may very well have been the last one to have sex education in schools that was truly the complete and total package. I mean what are we doing? Are we in the future, but acting like it’s The Dark Ages?

Sheryl Lee Ralph

Sheryl Lee Ralph

Piers Anthony

In fact, I believe that we need better sex education in our own culture, here in America, so that young folk learn about things like venereal disease before they encounter it.

Piers Anthony

In my day we didn’t have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.

Victoria Wood

Victoria Wood

Karl Kraus

Sex education is legitimate in that girls cannot be taught soon enough how children don’t come into the world.

Karl Kraus

We need sex education in schools, but we need it at home first. We need parents to learn the names of the teachers who are teaching their children. We need families to question day-care centers, to question other children and their own as to what goes on.

Rod McKuen

Rod McKuen

You believe what you wanna believe – RIP Tom Petty

Tom Petty ~ October 20, 1950 – October 2, 2017

An open letter to the dearly departed…

Dear Tom Petty,

Without ever knowing it, you’ve been a part of my life, and have enriched it with your music.

You’ve been with me since I was in High School. Your Damn the Torpedos album was a major influence, not just on myself, but on my entire class. It was an excellent academic school, but it was also a bit like the “Land of Misfit Toys”.

We were a bunch of misfit geeks, to be quite honest. Being told we didn’t have to be refugees – it was priceless!

When I look at my personal playlist, I not only see you, but I also see your influences.  Knowing how much you appreciated and even emulated the Byrds, I researched that band and became a fan too.  In fact, just this weekend I was playing the Byrds for a friend, telling them how I heard the roots of your music in so many of their songs.

Then, on Monday morning, I heard so much bad news.  First I heard of the mass shooting in Las Vegas.  Then I heard about you.

Dude, I’m going to miss you.  I couldn’t even listen to your music last night.  I wanted to play your catalog of songs, but the pain was just too close.  I couldn’t do it…

Here’s to you, Tom Petty!

Farewell…

You and I will meet again, When we’re least expecting it, One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face. I won’t say goodbye my friend, for you and I will meet again.

Tom Petty

BDSM Education ~ Smutober Day 3

 Michael Samadhi providing BDSM education

Some days, no matter how hard you might try to write, inspiration escapes.

I want to write about BDSM education.  Why it’s important. Fuck, it’s more than important, it’s essential. Some of the shit we do is dangerous. Some of it can kill you. Despite all of the day’s distractions, I got a great introduction written.  Then, an internet hiccup swallowed it…

Coming back, what little inspiration I had gathered was now lost. So, what if a little kinky sex might get you hurt, there are so many other things in life that can kill a person.  Things like a gunman shooting people at a concert.

More than 50 dead, 10 times that many wounded in Las Vegas.

What’s more important? Being taught how not to set yourself on fire in a dungeon, or learning how to run from gunfire at a concert? I’d like to assure myself that you, my dear reader, will be far more likely to need the former more than the latter. Unfortunately, I am not convinced. Since I’ve not heard of any fatal dungeon accidents so far this year, it’s a pretty tough sell.

I shut off the news when they asked the question – “Is this the new normal?”

Fuck me! The new normal? I mean really… What the fuck? That means it’s better to take your chances with uninformed breath play than it is to go to a concert or nightclub. Perhaps I should title my next demo, “Put a plastic bag over your heads kids, it’s safer than going out on the streets…”???!!!???

Anyway…

BDSM can be likened to “graduate level sex”.  Many of the things we do for fun are slightly safer than skydiving.  Would you go skydiving without instruction?

I’m telling you that reading how-to articles isn’t enough.  Would you skydive based on watching “50 shades of parachutes” and reading a blog? Even after reading 100 blogs? I sure hope not.

There is only one answer. Venture forth into the world. Attended events with instruction and demos. Join groups. Find a mentor. Get first-hand instruction. There is no substitute for experience when it comes to edge play.  Like it, or not, something as simple as using a gag can kill your partner if used improperly, or without proper caution…

Please hold your loved ones close tonight.  Practice safe sex in all it’s guises. When it comes to BDSM, to be honest, the only way you’ll ever even know what “‘safe” means is to go forth and learn from the experienced.  Just do it!

A 2nd unofficial Smutober post on Education ~ Sexual Education ~ Sheryl Lee Ralph, Piers Anthony, Victoria Wood, Karl Kraus, Rod McKuen

Jiddu Krishnamurti ~ The door is there…

Jiddu Krishnamurti ~ philosopher and writer

In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself.

Jiddu Krishnamurti

My official Smutober entry for Door – Day 2 is Watching from the Door.

Having the great quote from Krisnamurti already in hand, I couldn’t resist adding an unofficial entry as well.

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