- How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
One theme I keep coming back to, is that in a wide variety of ways, BDSM is like most everything else in life.
I believe that the kink community is a microcosm of society.
Our hopes and dreams are not that different from anyone else’s. We just tend to be more likely to live out our fantasies, or so it seems.
So, for the purposes of this question, lets use “playing baseball” as a parallel for practicing BDSM. Baseball was a childhood passion, so it’s a great parallel for my adult passion for BDSM.
With that said, any sport will do for my analogy . . .
So, let’s revisit the question – How would you say real life baseball varies from fantasy baseball?
I don’t know about you, but on the surface, that question just seems silly. Fantasy baseball and the real game of baseball share very little but a name.
Watching baseball on television, which is not unlike watching BDSM porn, only provides a small percentage of the experience one might get compared to attending a game in person.
The sensations of being at the ballpark in person are very special indeed to a baseball aficionado. The sights, sounds, and smells are unique and unmistakable. None of those translate well to the medium of television. The sights translate to an extent, but there are real limits.
No matter the definition and size of the monitor, no one is going to say that seeing the Grand Canyon on the television compares in any real way to the experience of standing on the edge of the abyss and staring into all the color and space. That’s also true for baseball. There’s no comparison between sitting in one’s home fantasizing about baseball, and actually being at the ballpark taking part in a game.
Now, please note that playing the game is different still. There’s absolutely no comparison between playing baseball and observing baseball. The crack of the bat against the ball takes on new meaning if you are part of the game.
And that’s the best analogy I know for how real life BDSM differs from fantasy. It’s like the difference between watching baseball on TV and actually playing the game!
How Does Real Life BDSM Differ From Fantasy?
- Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Why is always the most difficult question for me.
Please ask me when, what, or where. Those are questions I can likely answer.
But ask me – “Why?” – that’s a different story.
And, to be honest, that’s almost always been true. It was even true for the childhood games I once played.
Use CLUE® as an example. The game asked us to solve the who, what, and where. But, we don’t have to know why.
It was Colonel Mustard with the candlestick in the conservatory.
How succinct and simple. No need to discuss the colonel’s mental state or motivations. Just knowing he committed the crime was enough!
Ahhh, life should be so simple . . . .
If I’m going with “simple”, the simple answer for what the appeal of BDSM is to me, is that it’s fucking hot! If you don’t realize that, you’ve wandered over to the wrong blog by mistake. Please go back to Facebook
with my sympathies.
If I have to explain that, you’ll never get it!
I do it because kink is exhilarating and enthralling. BDSM makes my head spin, my heart race, and my dick throb.
I get excited making marks like this!
Is that good enough for you?
As to why any particular person is drawn to kink, present company included, I just don’t think anyone knows that part. Theories have been proposed, but there’s been very little real research.
Some try to tie our predilections to abuse, but I’m just not buying that one. Too many in our community had “normal” childhoods without abuse for that to be the single defining factor for our community.
In the end, we are really a microcosm of the rest of the world. We are your neighbors and coworkers. Some of us in the kink world are serious, some are silly. All socio-economic backgrounds are present, we come from all professions and walks of life.
I’m drawn to kink the same way someone else becomes a model train enthusiast. My obsession with BDSM isn’t that much different from the way someone else might have turned their AMWAY business into a lifestyle.
BDSM is my lifestyle. Kink is my hobby.
The worlds of kink and BDSM are realms where I feel at home. I’ve simply found subjects that fascinate me, and I’m running with it.
Don’t ask me why . . .
Just love me for how I am!
What is the appeal of BDSM? Why am I drawn to kink?
Why am I drawn to kink? If I have to explain you’ll never get it!
- Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
I’ve been doing this BDSM thing for a long time. I was thinking about all that experience today, and what it adds up to . . .
I turn 51 later this year, but I tied my first girl up for sex when I was 17. I actually think I tied a girl up for the first time at 12 years old. But, that’s not exactly a BDSM story, it simply shows my perverted predilections at even that tender young age.
So, I was considering all those years, and at the same time Serafina and I had just traveled to visit Sinnja, staying with our love and her brood for her birthday. That gave me opportunity for further reflection, as her house is far more crowded with people than any I ever lived in.
a unique lifetime
Growing up an only child, and then not having children of my own, has given me far different perspectives and opportunities than most. I never have had the joys of fatherhood. But, I’ve never had the responsibilities or obligations either.
I’m realizing more and more that I’ve ended up having a relatively unique life. Unique like having far more opportunity for BDSM play than just about anybody who has lived with children ever could have found. I made the most of those opportunities too.
Now, in pondering all my unique opportunities and experiences, humorous kink experiences weren’t exactly at the top of my list. Oh for sure, among those unique opportunities have been more than my share of humorous kink experiences. But, comedy isn’t always the very first thing in mind when I’m in the leather and dungeon mindset.
I think it’s natural to think of “firsts”. They tend to be memorable, even if the actual action isn’t always perfect. At least that’s been my experience.
I also tend to remember those absolute peak moments where everything came together perfectly. That kind of thing can be pretty rare, perhaps even more rare than a “first”. But, I’ve got to admit, I’ve had more than my share of times where everything went perfectly and left a mind blowing scene in it’s wake.
opportunity + persistence = awesome experiences
I think the collection of mind blowing experiences I’ve felt and shared, at least in part, are a question of opportunity. If a golfer plays enough he’ll have a hole-in-one to his credit, the bowler a 300 game. If a fisherman makes enough casts, everything else being equal, he’ll catch his trophy[ 2. my good friend AlphaBull landed his prize Muskie this last summer – it took thousands of casts before she arrived – but that’s how it goes – that particular sport rewards Alpha’s exacting persistence and patience.].
My primary hobby as an adult has been sex. In the sexual realm I’ve rolled my 300 game, and shot my hole-in-one. I’ve landed my prize trophies too. In the past I’ve always practiced “catch and release” there . . . But, I have to say that Serafina and Sinnja are sure “keepers”. I’m quite well satisfied with my good fortune. And, in thinking that’s already one over the current “legal-limit”, I’m done “fishin”, at least for this lifetime.
Which brings me around, finally, to begin to relate a humorous kink experience from my past. With more than thirty years of BDSM and kink behind me, it’s only human that I’d have more than my share of silly and laughable moments to relate. Perhaps the biggest issue is simply deciding which story to tell.
I’m a storyteller by nature. I love sharing anecdotes and interesting experiences. It’s a way of reliving my past fun, as well as remembering previous lessons too. That’s part of my motivation in blogging.
pick just one humorous kink experience?
So, my first instinct was to share a story from my more distant past. Heck, I could go as far back as 1981. I could relate how I accidentally “ruined” ketchup for my ex-wife – there were a couple of years where she wouldn’t eat ketchup at all because of a food play experiment gone wrong. Oooops!
I’m sure lots of folks would get a kick out of hearing how I let one girl shave my legs and paint my toenails. Ya, I let her shave my chest too. Oh the things a 20 year old will do to get some pussy. Perhaps that one falls more under the category of ‘personal embarrassment” than it does actual comedy. I’ll let you, my dear reader, be the judge of that.
I could share what is now a humorous kink experience revolving around a girl tied up on the bed of my small efficiency apartment while another desperately knocked on the door wanting attention herself. At the time, there was nothing funny about it. But, in retrospect, I have to smile and laugh, I mean what else can you do, right?
I spent over a decade with a lady named Blissful Torment as my wife and bottom. While laughing as a part of our sexual games wasn’t really our forte, no doubt we had our moments. Although it was mortifying to me at the time, one particular scene with our friend Cherub stands out in my mind.
I’d prepared a plan for a scene that included both Bliss and Cherub as my submissive, to both be restrained and teased in turn, one after the other, for a long evening of torment. I’d also selected a series of 5 cd’s of gothic music and had them in a changer set to play songs at random from the various discs. My “dungeon” area was lit softly with candles. A stick of incense burned slowly in the corner.
Then, not long after the second song came on to play, the incident happened. While a spoken word incantation to Nosferatu as the second song’s intro droned on like a dirge, Cherub and Bliss looked at each other, and both broke out spontaneously in uproarious loud laughter.
As I said, it was mortifying for me. The scene I’d planned, the mood I’d so carefully set – gone! Maybe it wasn’t so funny at the time, but I look back and I laugh today. Like I said before, what else can you do?
choosing a current humorous kink experience . . . finally!
But, none of those past scenarios appealed to me. For this post, I really wanted something current. I really desired something that included not only my Serafina, but also our new partner in love and life, Sinnja. And, while there are plenty of moments, the joyous feelings we share in the dungeon are a big part of our mutual attraction, few of those translate well into a written anecdote. As with so many things in life, you really needed to have been there to get the humor.
And, because blogging is such a visual medium, I really wanted to find a moment we’ve captured. While we are prolific photographers, the last requirement really upped the ante significantly. Humor is often spontaneous, and without a doubt random spontaneous moments are most difficult to capture on film.
Still, we are prolific enough that we do have a few humorous kink experiences captured recently. To be honest however, Serafina already took the very best one. Her story of being released from rope bondage on a picnic table just moments before the arrival of a park ranger – priceless!
Fortunately, I do still have a silly story, with appropriate visual. Well the visual itself really is the story. Obviously then, the attached images of me with a furry dinosaur is not the kind of thing I’d usually post.
I’m serious about kink and BDSM, and I’m also a sadist. I like to create strong sensations and elicit strong feelings. Being a a serious sadist is not only what I am, what I enjoy, it’s something I’m not shy about sharing either. I deliberately cultivate that image.
And the sadism is not just posturing. The first time I played with Sinnja I was rough enough that her nipples were raw and scabbed for the better part of a week. The next time we played the scabs opened up and I got a little blood on my hands. She got some blood on her shirt too, that day, just a spot. It was a detail I wasn’t totally shy about sharing with my circle of friends at a munch we attended later that day. See what I mean about deliberately cultivating an image?
So, when Sinnja first came to visit our home, with a girl in tow that she was involved with at the time, it was rather out of character for me to pose for a picture with a stuffed animal, let alone a purple freakin’ dinosaur. Pictures of me without my goatee are pretty rare too.
The stuffed critter was her girl’s, and to be honest I can’t remember how it ended up in my hands. The lack of mustache and goatee were intended to be a temporary situation. I’d wanted Sinnja to see what she was getting, see the man without the facial adornment. If, for instance, I lost the beard because of a fire play incident gone horribly wrong, I didn’t want Sinnja to cringe at what she found exposed underneath. She needed to at least see the bare man once.
The reason I didn’t have a beard isn’t terribly important to the story, nor is my thinking in grabbing the stuffed dino. Sinnja’s reaction is what made the moment.
‘This I’ve got to capture!” she said, grabbing her cellphone from her purse. Everyone roared with laughter, and I mugged for the camera to produce the image just below.
It was only a few days later that the picture ended up featured on the opening screen of Sinnja’s cell. Every time she opened the phone she was greeted by the purple dinosaur on my chest, alongside my bare smiling mug. Sometimes it made her giggle.
And, in the end, that is the reason for this post. Her giggles on opening the phone. They touched me very deeply. To the core. For a woman who had an abusive background in her childhood, who still suffers a form of PTSD nightmares due to her abuse, to be able to give her that giggle . . .
Well, it’s priceless to me.
I hope this post makes you giggle too, my sweetheart, my love!
tell us about a humorous kink experience
What are my views on the ethics of kink?
To my eyes, that’s an odd question.
I mean, my life and my kink are inseparable. But I don’t know that anyone would ever ask – What are your views on the ethics of living? So it seems rather strange to have the question addressed the way it is worded.
I’m guessing it’s meant to be a thoughtful question, where people can defend their kink, show themselves to be ethical in their own practice of kink. Perhaps it was meant to forward a discussion of safe words and of community mottos like Safe Sane and Consensual.
Perhaps such a discussion is necessary. It does seem that the default belief in the “vanilla” world could be that kinksters, not to mention polyamorists, are inherently unethical.
I mean we beat our spouses, or at least give the appearance that is happening. After I came out to my mother as a kinkster, she forever struggled with the fact that someone might enjoy being hit with a riding crop.
“How demeaning that must be, to be hit with a device intended for use on a horse!” is what she said to me. I think she would have been blown away to learn that most folks who purchase riding crops aren’t actually equestrian enthusiasts.
For her to have considered that the sensation might actually be pleasurable to some people would really have screwed with her world outlook. People really can’t enjoy pain, can they?
Many kinksters play with, and love, individuals who aren’t our spouses. To the vanilla world that forever brings to mind visions of cheating. Yet how can it be “cheating” when it’s done with our partners knowledge and consent, not to mention the fact that our spouses may also be involved with the same individual, or perhaps another.
To their eyes, it’s just mind boggling that anything of that sort could occur. We must not value our partners, or our marriages, if we are doing such things. Right?
Well that may not be universal. I’m sure there are kinksters who don’t value their souses any more than some vanilla folks who treat their own partners with disdain.
We may be “different” in the BDSM and kink community, but we aren’t that different. We are pretty much the same as the rest of the folks in the world. In many ways the BDSM community is a microcosm of the rest of the world.
Our ethics may be a little different than the way the “game of life” is played in the vanilla world, but most of us in the BDSM and kink communities have highly evolved ethics. If we didn’t, we might look like the rest of the world assumes we must be, lawless hedonists who care only for our own pleasures. Most folks reading this know that’s simply not true.
yes, kinksters have ethics!
I’d like to view myself as highly ethical in my practice of kink, BDSM, polyamory, and tantra.
Who wouldn’t want to see themselves in that light?
I know some folks could never see a sadistic polyamorist as being ethical. I’m sorry, but that’s there loss instead of mine. It’s hard to overcome the default assumption that loving more than one person makes me somehow less ethical than a monogamist. It’s hard to overcome the assumption that a person who likes to strike and bruise others is also practicing that art within ethical boundaries.
Yet, that’s exactly what I do.
And, I am not alone. While I consider myself to be highly ethical, I’m sure that’s also the case for the majority of the BDSM and kink communities too.
Yes, I’m aware that some professions have continuing education for ethics, but beyond that, I think our lifestyle is unique. How many people can say, that as a regular part of their lifestyle, they attend classes and discussions on ethics?
I think that’s the default for most of the kink community.
Yes, like any other community we have our problems, our own ethically challenged community members. Like I said earlier, I believe the kink community is a microcosm of the rest of the world. We are really no different, except that we enjoy sex the way some enthusiasts enjoy model trains. The way they might think about the perfect “layout” we think about the perfect scene. it’s not really so different.
Except we spend an inordinate amount of time discussing ethics in the world of kink. Ethics are discussed at munches and in discussion groups. Ethics are discussed at outings, retreats, trysts, carnivals, and every other imaginable gathering under the sun.
We have ethics. And we want the world to know it too! As I’ve mentioned before, that’s why we have mottoes like Safe, Sane, and Consensual, and Risk Aware Kink. They really aren’t so much competing philosophies, as they are competing slogans, designed to show the world that despite having unusual hobbies and predilections, we are not the bogey men and bogey women of modern day life. There’s no need to call out the townspeople, nothing even remotely edgy going on over here.
But, for some of us, being on the edge is what we seek. Safe Sane and Consensual just sounds like a warm fuzzy to us, we want dangerous, edgy and barely tolerable. We want to challenge preconceived notions, and preconceived limits.
We want to taste the world before it tastes us.
Yet, we want to do it all ethically. That’s what makes our passions different. That is what makes us, despite the differences in our sex lives, a microcosm of society at large, and not as some would believe about us, a microcosm of the local correctional facility.
What are your views on the ethics of kink?
Yes, we have ethics. Sometimes they are a bit difficult. It usually helps to know the hows and whys.
But don’t worry, if you mess up, someone will correct you. Yes, our community is truly a microcosm of society these days. We have our know-it-alls, our rules junkies, our mother hens. If you aren’t playing safe, a dungeon monitor may very well let you know.
Whether that particular “advancement” progress or not, nobody can accuse our community of lacking ethics.
ethics can be like putting together pieces of a puzzle
- What are your hard limits?
A classic question.
But first, for the uninitiated, we need to define the term. From Wikipedia:
In BDSM, limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about, usually referring to prohibited activities.
A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship.
No doubt defining one’s own hard limits is a simple enough question for most folks to answer.
Unfortunately, I’m not most folks.
As a dominant I’m far more used to observing other’s limits than I am in talking about my own. And, since hard limits are things we’d never consider doing, this is a sort of terra incognita, we are heading into whereabouts that are completely unknown.
- I will not violate another’s informed consent.
This covers a multitude of other hard limits, but by itself it’s THE basic core of what separates BDSM from abuse. Therefore, it’s listed first. I will participate in so called “consensual non-consent” activities, but at it’s heart that’s still consensual.
- I won’t play with children or anyone under the age of 21.
First of all, there’s just no attraction here. Youth is wasted on the young, and I’m simply not attracted to anyone much under the age of thirty. Also, I do not believe that individuals under the age of 21 are completely capable of giving informed consent, so this would also be covered by the first rule.
- Poop and scat play are off limits.
I’ve no problem with anal or enema play, but want no part of a scene where the focus is on shit. Thank you very much, but no thank you!
- I only have sex with my beloved and my love, Serafina and Sinnja.
This one’s pretty simple for me, and more than being about “hard limits”, it’s about love. For me to desire sex (intercourse) with someone these days, I really and truly need to be in love with them.
It wasn’t always this way. Back in my 20’s and 30’s I was very much an “ethical slut”, and I was very discriminating. But I wasn’t perhaps as discriminating as I am today.
It’s a given that Alpha will remain a part of our intimate circle of friends. But, beyond that, it remains to be seen how much we, as a triad, will decide to play with anyone else.
Perhaps, at some point, Alpha and Serafina can find a subbie boy wishing to be cuckolded by them, locked in a cock cage by Alpha. I think that would be great fun for all, so if the opportunity occurred, I’d surely invite everyone involved to carry through with it.
Both Serafina and Sinnja have a top/sadist side they like to occasionally express, so at some point they may want a “houseboy” to torment. Maybe it could even be the cuckold serving Alpha and Serafina. I’d not deny them that, especially if their “boy” did yard-work or housework.
And, I have had some lovely lady friends I’ve played with in the past year. While I am committed to being exclusive with Serafina and Sinnja sexually, that doesn’t necessarily preclude all sorts of wonderful play and instruction with those existing friends. Now, they have to understand that my hands are pretty darn full with the duo of wonderful submissives that belong to me. So, if and when I do play with others, I’m almost certain to want Serafina or Sinnja, or both, to join in on the fun as co-dominants.
- I won’t take part in a scene that deliberately mutilates someone’s body, even if it’s consensual.
The best example I know here is the “castration fantasy”. Some guys get off on the thought of having their testicles removed. I won’t go there. Same with the folks who surgically split their dicks. Nope, not for me.
Tattoos are ok, in fact they can be really hot. Branding and cutting falls into the same category, they can be done beautifully. Piercings, both temporary and permanent likewise. All of those can be full of symbolic meaning for the person receiving the mark/ring, as well as those giving them. I suppose that getting one’s nads cut off could be full of meaning, just not for me.
So, most body mods are ok, just don’t ask to be losing parts of yourself, I’m not going there. It’s fine if you think it might be a hot fantasy to walk around with an empty ballsack, just don’t ask me to participate.
- I will not participate in activities I consider to be “at risk” for transmission of a STI or blood born pathogen, with an exception for my fluid bonded triad.
If you want to do a scene with blood, semen, or other body fluids that are likely to transmit STIs or blood borne pathogens, go for it! It’s your life and your risk. If I choose to take part in those sorts of activities, it will only be within the fluid bonded triad I’ve formed with Serafina and Sinnja.
Many of the other “common” hard limits are not issues for me. For instance, watersports (BDSM activities involving urine) aren’t a big turn on for me, but I’ve taken part in that kind of play on several occasions. Blood play freaks a lot of people out, and once again, it’s not a huge turn on for me, but I can understand it’s attraction. The key for me is knowing that it’s a safe activity in terms of pathogens.
- Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
Serafina has already used my first choice.
The very best song available to answer this query, Because the Night by Patti Smith, was her selection.
It’s an iconic song for us, having been selected for Serafina’s collaring ceremony.
She crawled down the aisle, down a red carpet, nearly naked and blindfolded, to me at the start of the ceremony while the song played.
But, back when I started down the 30 Days of Kink’s list of questions, I already anticipated letting Serafina use Because the Night as her answer to this question.
So, I was prepared with an alternative already in mind.
Released in 1962, Etta James’ Prisoner of Love is an absolute classic.
And while it may not have originally been intended as a metaphor for a D/s or M/s relationship, it certainly works well when placed inside the context of kinky and poly relationship dynamic.
Alone from night to night you’ll find me
Too weak to break the chains that bind me
I need no shackles to remind me
I’m just a prisoner of love
For one command I stand and wait now
From one who’s master of my Fate now
I can’t escape for it’s too late now
I’m just a prisoner of love
What’s the good of my caring when someone is sharing
Those arms with me
Although he has another
I can’t have another
For I’m not free
He’s in my dreams awake or sleeping
Up on my knees to him I’m creeping
My very life is in his keeping
I’m just a prisoner of love.
Etta James ~ 1962 ~ Prisoner of Love
- Post a kinky image you find erotic
It seems to my eye that today’s 30 Days of Kink query is more of an assignment than it is a question.
That’s OK. I don’t mind assignments, I give them out all the time.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, or so it’s said anyway.
And seriously, I’d be a pretty big hypocrite if I gave my erotic slave assignments, but refused to do any myself.
There are a number of ways to provide leadership, and one of the most effective is to lead by example.
So, I find myself looking for something that’s ripe with fetish, not to mention titillating, provocative, and edgy.
At the same time, I also appreciate whimsy. And, to top everything off, I wanted the image to include a chastity belt.
Chastity play with male submissives is becoming more and more common all the time, but female chastity belts are still relatively uncommon.
I have some personal reasons as well. Both Serafina and Sinnja squirm uncomfortably when I mention a chastity belt around them is may be reason enough all on it’s own.
With those criteria in mind, I began to search.
A few minutes into the search, I found an image that incorporated at least some of the elements I was looking for . . .
It includes some of the elements I desired for this post.
Certainly it’s whimsical,and it tells quite a story.
Of course the image does feature an attractive lady locked in a chastity belt too.
image from tumblr – original model (and photographer) credits are unknown
But, I really don’t find it to be very titillating or provocative.
I think I can do better.
Here’s the second image that caught my attention . . .
image from tumblr – original model (and photographer) credits are unknown
Once again, it’s fun, whimsical, and it tells quite a story. This one has the added bonus of appealing to the exhibitionistic as well.
But, I still don’t find it to be the kind of titillating or provocative image I was seeking.
When it was all said and done, I finally found the image I wanted for this post . . .
post a kinky image you find erotic
image from tumblr – original model (and photographer) credits are unknown
The image is titillating, provocative, and edgy for sure, and it certainly includes a lady locked into a chastity belt.
It’s also almost entirely lacking in whimsy.
But, upon further reflection, I may have set the bar just a touch too high here. It’s not always easy to combine all those elements together into a single photo. it takes a special touch, not to mention a specal eye, and models who genuinely enjoy what they are doing is more than a little bit of help too.
Add that together with the fact that photos of women in chastity aren’t exactly commonplace, and it makes this one small compromise necessary. Frankly, it’s a small price to pay.
The final image is hottttttttt. At least it is erotic to my eye, obviously, your mileage may vary.
With everything said, it’s an excellent example of a kinky image I find erotic. And, I got the added bonus of “surfing” more than a little bit of port to find it.
- Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?
I love my toys, I love all of them.
I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it before, but I actually have more than a little bit of a fetish for collecting tools for BDSM play. So, this is perhaps a more difficult question for me to answer than it might be for some others.
And, while it may be true that I don’t love them all equally, I do truly cherish everyone of the many BDSM tools in my collection. They all have a special place in my heart. Most of them are associated with special memories as well.
In fact, one of my favorite things to do when someone new is invited to my home is to simply give them a tour of the dungeon and toy collection. So, asking me to pick a favorite toy is a bit like asking a parent to pick a favorite child.
With that said, I don’t want to make my answer sound like a retelling of Sophie’s Choice or anything like that. I like the analogy of my toys being like children, but let’s not get too carried away. If I did have to choose I’d be heartbroken, but not devastated for life.
My first instinct would be to choose “floggers” as a toy, and bring my entire collection on board. And, even as recently as 6 months ago, floggers would have been my final answer to the burning question of the day, “What’s your favorite toy?”
Ah, but that was before I began to use single-tail whips.
In the last eighteen months I’ve really “geared up” on whips. In that time, I added a 3′ signal whip, a 4 1/2′ signal whip, a 6′ bullwhip, a 3′ stockwhip, and two 4′ mini-bullwhips to my collection of BDSM tools.
I’ve also practiced throwing my single-tail whips on a daily basis. Not only is continual practice necessary to master a tool like the single-tail, all those whips require at least a little breaking in too.
Vic Tella’s whips[ 2. Vic is the proprietor of snakewhip.com] are notoriously stiff upon delivery. Until they’ve been properly broken in, they have a tendency to look more like long lewd erections rather than the coiled snake like shape we tend to associate with whips.
Stiff, tight-laced whips are actually a good thing. The tighter a whip is laced, the better it’s going to transfer the energy when I throw it. That’s going to translate into superior performance and accuracy. But it does mean there’s a significant break in period as the whip learns to shape itself to better conform to the energy of my throws.
So, there’s no denying that my favorite toy is the single-tail. At least that’s today’s answer . . .
what’s your favorite toy?
- Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
Fantasies are odd things.
Sometimes we can pinpoint exactly how, when, where, and why fantasies became embedded in our sexuality. But, oftentimes that’s just not possible.
I can tell the “when” and “where” of my weirdest fantasy, but “how” is probably a little more difficult to ascertain.
“Why” is almost always difficult to answer when it comes to questions about sexuality. This instance is no different.
And, it should be noted that my most interesting sexual fantasy is more whimsy than anything else. It’s not a deep seated desire I’m looking to act upon. Nor is it even terribly overtly sexual.
It’s just one of those ideas that pops into a person’s heads and refuses to let go.
The story starts at a parade, back in the day when I worked in politics. Political campaigns these days are long thankless affairs, with holiday and festival parades in the heat of summer being one of the craziest requirements of the profession. Usually that meant lining up and standing in the summer sun for hours in temperatures approaching 100 degrees before the parade actually began.
It was a time like that, when I was feeling near delirium from heat and dehydration while waiting for a parade to begin, that my fantasy erupted. I was watching Kaaba Shriners who parade in a swarm of annoying little cars while dressed in odd middle eastern garb (sometimes brandishing scimitars) when the idea struck.
The spectacle the Shriners put on is just one of many seen at a parade. Sitting there in the heat, a bit dazed from standing for hours with nothing to do but make idle conversation with political junkies, my mind started dreaming of all things fetish. For a moment my mind thought of Jeff Gord and the amazing things he did with pony girl carriages and the like. From there it was a very short trip to my own fantasy.
I’d absolutely love to run a 6 horse hitch of pony girls through an entire season of local parades. One summer I managed to walk more than 30 parades (I was managing two different campaigns at the time – a physically impossible task which is why you’ve never heard of anyone else attempting it) so it would be an eventful year for pony girl paraders.
In the end, parades are really just an opportunity for folks to march to show support for their “thing”. For some folks their “thing” is politics, for others it may be vintage cars, or perhaps even vintage farm equipment. They all get to parade and strut their stuff.
I mean everyone is like a peacock, trying to make an impression upon parade goers that elicit support, or recruit new enthusiasts. Why can’t kinksters do the same?
It would be simple enough to make sure the pony girls stay within legal limits of modesty. Beyond that, how is having a crew of pony girls pulling me along in a cart really that much crazier than a bunch of high level “mucky-mucks” in the masonic lodge careening about the parade course in miniature vehicles while brandishing swords?
Everybody loves a spectacle at a parade, and I might just (someday) be the guy to provide exactly that. At least that’s what would happen if I tried to live out my most interesting sexual fantasy . . .
describe your most interesting sexual fantasy
- Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
Well, no worries here about not yet having my first kinky sexual experience! At the very least, I’ve been doing this since 1980, and it might be argued that I’ve been kinky from my very first sex experience in 1976.
The only issue here for me is trying to decide how to define “kinky”.
I lost my virginity inside a chicken coop. Is that kinky?
I had sex there despite the fact that I’m deathly allergic to chicken feathers. Does that up the ante a little in terms of kink factor?
I was only 13 years old at the time. Perhaps not an unusual age among today’s precocious youth, but certainly an oddity for the mid 1970’s.
Heck, it might be considered to be a form of “edge play”, as I was certainly risking my health for the sexual experience. And for some folks, chicken coop sex might very well be a kinky activity, I mean folks can fetishize most everything, tasty birds included. Right?
Well, that’s not me. I suppose it could be categorized that way, but I’ve never considered that to be a kinky experience. To fit my own criteria there needs to be some traditional elements of BDSM included. S0, I consider the first time I tied a woman up for sex to be my first kinky sexual experience.
It was the winter of 1980. I was dating a young lady named Elise (she didn’t make my recently posted Dramatis personæ listing) – who I’d met at the restaurant where I worked. We’d been dating for a few months, and things were going well, we were getting ready to take things to the “next level”. That was going to be a pretty big step for us, because Elise was a virgin.
One night when quizzing Elise about sexual fantasies, she confessed to me that she’d always wondered what it would be like to be tied up. I immediately asked if she’d like to be tied up for sex. Her answer was affirmative. In fact, she said she thought it would be fun to be tied up for her first time.
Oh my dear friends and readers, it was like a dream. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Could she really mean that? Not only could I tie her up, but we could do that for her very first time? Wow! Fucking mind blowing.
And I have to tell you, it was a special experience. At the time I would have told you it was mind blowing, but it should probably be noted that the mind of a 17 year old boy isn’t exactly a difficult thing to blow.
I’ve actually written about the experience before, here in the blog’s initial Welcome! post.
I began my journey into the world of Kink back in 1980, just a few months shy of my 18th birthday. The inaugural event, starting my own explorations of the joys of kink, was the occasion of tying my girlfriend up for the first time. By a strange twist of fate, the date was forever etched in my memory – Monday, December 8, 1980.
After I’d trussed my girlfriend up spread eagled with some cotton clothesline, but not long after I’d initiated the actual sex act, an announcement came over the radio that was playing in the background . John Lennon had just been shot and killed. As I sit writing this early on New Year’s eve, the last day of 2013, I realize the 33rd anniversary of that occasion has just passed, less than a month before.
What was your first kinky sexual experience?