it’s vacation time…

some time off work

going on holiday?

I’m off from work for the next week.

That means a vacation by the beach for many folks.  Last year I visited the Atlantic Ocean, the infamous Jersey Shore.

Of course, the beaches were closed while I was there.  Mother Nature decided to park a hurricane offshore.

It was inconvenient, I admit.  But, I saw waves as big as I’d ever wish to see rolling into shore.  I was witness to some spectacular sunrises and sunsets too.

Once upon a time for me, it would have meant a hike in the Northwoods.  Perhaps along the shores of Lake Superior or Lake Michigan.  There’s really something special about a cool breeze off those lakes.

There’s plenty of parks along the Great Lakes I’ve never visited.  Of course, I’ve never visited a park there that I wouldn’t return to again.

Or perhaps an exploration of Minnesota’s Boundry Waters area.  I’ve been all around that particular park, but have never had an opportunity to visit.  A week’s vacation at a cabin there sounds idyllic.

not so much

My plans include doctor visits…

Well, that and sleeping.

Perhaps if I’m really lucky – weather and health permitting – I’ll even go camping close to home for a night or two.  But, that’s about it.

The weather forecast is absolutely perfect, as it stands.  The primary issue is health.

I’d like to think that my best days are still ahead of me.

But at 54 years old, with a mounting list of health issues, that may also be wishful thinking.

The big issue at the moment is my potassium.  It’s been low all summer.  Despite dietary changes and huge supplement, it remains low.  One of the medicines prescribed to raise that particular electrolyte level made me ill.

And, it takes months to get in to see a nephrologist.  That’s the next step.

So, for the time being, I feel washed out.  I have no energy.  And, I really don’t feel much like doing anything…

I didn’t even come up with an image for this week’s Sinful Sunday!

It’s ALL About the Bond

Wicked Wednesday

Prompt #270: Bond

When I first read Wicked Wednesday Prompt #270: Bond – I was stumped.  The attached video of the lovely performance didn’t help me any either.  I found no inspiration.

Then, after a nap this afternoon, I realized what the prompt meant to me.  Of course!

The special bonds I’ve found in BDSM relationships have been closer and deeper than any I’ve ever felt.  That is what inspires me to write on this topic.

vanilla’s just another spice

I want to say up front that I’m not going to claim (as some do) that BDSM relationships are always deeper.

I won’t even begin to say being part of a BDSM relationship creates a bond more special than other relationships styles.

You see, I’ve witnessed vanilla relationships with just as close a connection.  My Aunt and Uncle (Father’s brother and his wife) were one of the most exceptional couples I’ve ever met.  

I do know they shared an active sex life together all the way to the end.  I’m guessing they were pretty kinky too, at least all indications leaned that way.

But the relationship style was pure vanilla.

The bond they shared was forged in the great depression and a world war.

But, beyond that, it was built from shared hardships, common experiences, and mutual pleasures.

Those are the same elements which the best BDSM style relationships are also built upon.

Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.

Jalaluddin Rumi

mutual pleasure

Without a doubt, the deepest relationships I’ve ever had were Master/slave relationships.

Obviously, I don’t believe that BDSM relationships feature an inherently deeper bond than other relationship styles.  But, it’s clear they can offer a path to a very close connection.

So, what is it about power exchange relationships that elicit such deep intimacy and closeness?

I think, in the case of successful power exchange relationships, it starts with mutual pleasure.

Often that is what attracted us to each other in the first place.  Our common interests in power exchange, kink, fetish, BDSM.

At least that’s how it has been for me, those times when I’ve found a great bond with others.

Granted, I’ve always been a very sexual creature.  And elements of BDSM have been part of my sexuality since my earliest memory.

I’ve nothing against pure vanilla.  In fact, I consider it to be just another spice.  But, it’s not my preference.  It’s not my kink, but that’s ok.

With that in mind, nearly all of the peak experiences I’ve shared with submissive partners, with my slaves, have been built around BDSM.

And, it’s those incredible mutual pleasures that help to build the very strong bond that often happens in power exchange/authority exchange relationships.

You don’t build a bond without being present.

James Earl Jones

common experience

If common experiences are another part of creating a great bond, opportunities abound within BDSM relationships.

Munches and play parties are a good example.  When folks in a power exchange relationship attend a play party (or even a munch) it can create memorable experiences they will always share.

At the very least, they aren’t off playing golf or attending church groups alone.

Bigger events and festivals can have even greater effects.

I know that I was inspired to become a presenter one weekend while attending Kinky Kollege in Chicago.  A visit to IML (also in Chicago) served as the catalyst for the formation of the first MAsT group in Iowa.

And, I know that Twisted Tryst, a four day weekend of camping and kinky debauchery, has had a dramatic effect on the lives of many.

If it’s true that the family that plays together stays together, then power exchange relationships offer great opportunities for bonding through those common experiences.

Love is the bond of perfection.

John Winthrop

shared hardships

I know it may seem a little odd at first that I’ve included shared hardships as a part of bonding.  I know it happens as a part of power exchange relationships.  And, to my mind, it’s a very common occurrence.

For most power exchange participants, keeping their kink activities in the closet is a necessity.  Perhaps we are out to friends or even family.  But, it’s rare for most to have our kink fully integrated into our lives.

Obviously, that’s a form of a shared hardship, the kind that can create a strong bond in relationships.

Parents with children face a similar situation.

Hiding a vibrator or dildo may cause a certain sense of unease for parents of inquisitive children.  But, needing to conceal floggers and other similar implements of instruction can be more anxiety inducing still.

The need to keep our authentic lives secret creates a shared hardship that bonds those of us who have immersed ourselves in power exchange ever closer to each other.

bond – Michael’s way

I really don’t enjoy power exchange, or any form of BDSM play, without a connection.  It does nothing for me without a bond.

I stopped doing “pick-up” play of any kind a while back, for that very reason.

I need that bond.  It could be said that I crave it.

Without that connection, the power exchange is really a role-play.  Roleplaying and cosplay are fun, but they aren’t what truly fuel my fire.

It really is ALL about the bond for me…

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Quote of the Day | 8-4-17

Up so close I never get to see your face.
Microscope I might as well be out in space.
Up so close I never get to see the view.
Down your throat I’m never sure if it’s still you.
Up your nose down to your toes.
In your mouth way down south.
Up so close it seems I only think of you.
Up so close I never see the sky so blue.
I only wanted to be sure
That what it was was really pure.
I put my face down in the cake.

John McCrea

Cake

Quote of the Day | 8-3-17

Anxiety and desire are two, often conflicting, orientations to the unknown. Both are tilted toward the future. Desire implies a willingness, or a need, to engage this unknown, while anxiety suggests a fear of it. Desire takes one out of oneself, into the possibility or relationship, but it also takes one deeper into oneself. Anxiety turns one back on oneself, but only onto the self that is already known.

Mark Epstein

Open to Desire: Embracing a Lust for Life - Insights from Buddhism and Psychotherapy

Quote of the Day | 7-28-17

Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying ‘You gave me the wrong key!’

Anaïs Nin

Quotes