It’s the 4th of July, which equates to Independence Day here in the USA. The 1st of July was Canada Day. That’s a similar celebration without an armed revolution to motivate the festivities.
Of course, my thinking today is less about the holiday itself, and more about the tradition of telling folks to have a “safe and sane” 4th of July. Yes, the BDSM community motto has been taken over by the holiday safety police. Or perhaps, it’s vice versa. I’m honestly not sure which community used the phrase first.
My own memory seems to indicate that wishing folks a safe and sane 4th of July predated our community’s adaptation of the safe and sane motto. But, I’m also aware of the frailties of human memory. It’s easy to convince ourselves something happened a certain way, especially when it’s convenient for our own psyche and worldview.
Personally, I believe that “Safe, Sane and Consensual” is just as good a motto as “Risk Aware Consensual Kink”. Sanity and safety are both relative things. Personally, I find fire play and other edge play activities to be quite sane, but you wouldn’t find me becoming a snake handler.
Snakes bite, some of them include poison as a part of the bargain. To me, handling snakes is neither safe, nor is it really a sane activity in my book. Obviously though, your mileage may vary. Frankly, awareness is a relative thing too. What I consider to be informed and aware may or may not meet your personal standards.
The one word in both definitions that should be without room for interpretation is consent. Sadly, because the human condition is full of frailties and greed, so even a concept like consent is full of attempted interpretations designed to justify what is really nothing more than thinly disguised rape. It’s rare to met a submissive woman in our community who’s consent has not be violated. Stories of consent violations are rife within our community.
So please, have a safe and sane 4th of July. But always remember – Consent Matters!
Occasionally I go off on a tangent about the odd holiday (or two.) The last time was at my SpiritualBDSM.com blog, and that instance was about National Handcuff Day. Well, it’s a new dawn, and it’s a new holiday too. Today, March 14, 2014, is officially Steak and Blowjob Day.
Like I said about National Handcuff Day:
I wouldn’t kid about such a thing. Really, I wouldn’t. Seriously. I mean, it’s for real.
At the very least, it’s as real as National Handcuff Day too. The day is big enough it was covered by the Huffington Post1. It has a Facebook page. There’s an official Twitter hashtag too – #STEAKANDBJDAY.
And, believe or not, the holiday has a history too!
Some say it was invented by the Romans in 269AD, and institutionalized through St Valentine’s cousin, Claudius Fellatio. Others suggest that when World War II ended in 1945, president Harry S. Truman had the FBI covertly spread the word to act as a “welcome home” for the troops. All we really know, is that Steak and BJ Day is pretty damn awesome.
The overarching theory is one of “Man’s Valentine’s Day.” You know the drill. Every 14th of February men get the chance to display their fondness for a significant other by showering them with gifts, flowers, dinner, and many other romantic baubles. They rack their brains for that one special gift that will show their spouse that they truly care.
Well here’s a little secret: men feel a tad left out.
They’re just too proud or too embarrassed to admit it. Sure seeing that smile on their face is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Which is why this very holiday was created.
March 14th is henceforth “Steak and Blowjob Day.” Simple, effective and self explanatory; this holiday has been created so that the ladies can show their man how much they truly care for him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name explains it all: just a steak and a BJ. That’s it.
Not only will Steak and Blowjob Day be joyous day of sensuality for the men, but it will even instigate more effort during February for the women! It’s win win, gentlemen and ladies.
And, believe it or not, there’s even a “how-to” video . . .
OK, so admittedly the holiday is at least a tad bit sexist. Isn’t that kind of the point? I mean it is a tongue-in-cheek holiday – in more ways than one, if you’ll excuse my obvious pun. Steak and Blowjob Day is supposed to be a sort of anti-valentine’s day, a day to celebrate the clueless male. And, let’s be honest, most men really are without a clue . . .
Unfortunately, so are a lot of women too. Absolutely. Freaking. Clueless.
Instead of letting boys be boys and have their fun, some of the (so called) fairer sex got their panties in a bunch over this particular invention. For instance, let’s look at what’s being said about Steak and Blowjob Day over at JaneDough.com.
“Steak and Blow Job Day” is the White History Month of holidays; the type of delusional push back based on the idea that men are being asked to do TOO MUCH. Attention S&BJ Day fans: Every day is Steak and Blowjob Day. We live in a patriarchal society; if you’re a man, the way our society is is like a personal Valentine to you.
Whew! Now hold on there sister. Apparently somebody thinks the battle between the sexes is an actual war!2 It doesn’t need to be like that, I promise you!
I’m a Master, my wife is my consensual slave. And, I assure you that every day is not steak and blowjob day, Ms McIntyre. No doubt, my slave is treated better by her mate than you are Colette, but that’s a side effect of her attitude towards her spouse, more than anything. I mean, Colette even seems to think that wearing nice lingerie is some kind of burden that men use to oppress women:
Oh, so is that why in the days leading up to February 14th women are encouraged to go out and buy expensive and tacky sheer bras . . .
Oh goodness! Some generic man-type want’s Colette to look nice . . . The horror! The horror! Perhaps we need to send Marty Sheen up the river to eliminate this terrible affront to our collective humanity3.
Look folks, life is short. There’s too little laughing in life too. Why oh why do we need to turn every little thing into some sexist affront. There’s a lot more similarities between men and women than there are differences. And, the enlightened view is that gender isn’t a binary choice anyway, it’s a spectrum.
About the only thing I agree with Ms McIntyre, is when she says:
Valentine’s Day is also for men! If both halves of a couple aren’t getting something out of a holiday meant to celebrate love then they are both doing it wrong.
I couldn’t agree more! To be honest, we try and live that every day here in my home. Everyday here at House of Samadhi is about celebrating love. Perhaps we show our love in a different fashion than others, but everything we do is about expressing the love (and desire) we feel for each other.
I don’t need Steak and Blowjob Day to balance Valentine’s Day, or any other holiday for that matter. We live our lives, as much as possible, like everyday is a holiday. We don’t need an excuse to celebrate love, but give us one, and we’ll take it!
Happy Valentine’s Day from me (and mine) to you (and yours.)
May it be a joyous day for you, filled with love, passion, and lots of kinkiness!
I wish we could share our dungeon today with all our friends and readers. We do have a friend coming to visit. By the time you are reading this, he and I will be doing deliciously naughty things to Serafina. It’s not a traditional valentine’s Day celebration, but we are hardly traditional people.
Stay kinky my friends!
Serafina Samadhi – My Valentine, now and forever more!
Is O used by René and Sir Stephen, or does she in fact use them, and…all those irons and chains and obligatory debauchery, to fulfill her own dream—that is, her own destruction and death? And, in some surreptitious way, isn’t she in charge of them? Doesn’t she bend them to her will?