How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
I would like to refer you to this entry where I explain that we are a 24/7 relationship and for me life as M/s dynamic is not a fantasy, but a reality. As a reality it changes how you live and act. Little mistakes can lead to less intimacy, acting out, and distance in the relationship. To maintain a real life BDSM/kinky relationship it takes much diligence to have the kind of happiness and peace for the kind of intense relationship I crave.
Life in real – BDSM/kink is a Journey
Life, and the lifestyle one chooses is a journey. . not an arrival. It is a destination, a path with many trails that can lead you entirely off-course or even to an abrupt end. It is a daily, hourly and moment by moment opportunity to keep to the path, or divert. And, we can do all this without even being aware at a conscious level, but the results will show if you are on the path or if you have wandered from your intent. Unless, that is you have already decided that the path you were committing to was not the path you really desire and it is acceptable to change your mind. But remember. . you need to be aware; and also communicate.
We all know that actions speak louder than words. But should one be judged on actions alone? I think not- to gain perspective one needs to look at the entire picture, and cancel out actions that might be caused by circumstances, like disability or handicap. Quite often we are trying to convince ourselves that we are on our path of choice,. Meanwhile we begin to adjust to complacency and neglect to pay close attention to the small details. And soon a small discrepancy becomes an ever increasing distance from the original path. This concept is crudely demonstrated in the following drawing.
At first the mistakes and errors seem negligible, but soon an ever widening gap happens to take one far from the intended goals
Brendan Perry of Dead Can Dance – American Dreaming puts it this way . . . “I need my conscience to keep watch over me To protect me from myself So I can wear honesty like a crown on my head When I walk into the promised land”
“Mindfulness (Pali: sati, Sanskrit: smṛti; also translated as awareness) is a spiritual faculty (indriya) that is considered to be of great importance in the path to enlightenment according to the teaching of the Buddha. It is one of the seven factors of enlightenment. “Correct” or “right” mindfulness (Pali: sammā-sati, Sanskrit samyak-smṛti) is the seventh element of the noble eightfold path.
Enlightenment (bodhi) is a state of being in which greed, hatred and delusion (Pali: moha) have been overcome, abandoned and are absent from the mind. Mindfulness, which, among other things, is an attentive awareness of the reality of things (especially of the present moment) is an antidote to delusion and is considered as such a ‘power’ (Pali: bala). This faculty becomes a power in particular when it is coupled with clear comprehension of whatever is taking place”.
The Buddha advocated that “One should establish mindfulness (satipatthana) in one’s day-to-day life maintaining as much as possible a calm awareness of one’s bodily functions, sensations (feelings), objects of consciousness (thoughts and perceptions), and consciousness itself. The practice of mindfulness supports analysis resulting in the arising of wisdom”.
“The true nature of the mind,” says the Dalai Lama, “is beyond any concept or physical form, and therefore it cannot be studied solely by third-person, scientific methods. Mind must also be studied through a rigorous observation of our own subjective experience”.
According to Gandhi, “Inner transformation is the key to change”.
Being mindful is a serious discipline, and to take it seriously will have long-lasting and fruitful events that accelerate your chosen path. It is an extreme awareness of what your habits are telling about you. If one is not happy about the message that is perceived by trusted loved ones, then one must make a conscience decision to make corrections, and be ever more aware of the consequence of any actions.
Waiting for Master to instruct
There is no conclusion until death robs one of any further endeavors or actions’ It is a life-long consignment. However real life BDSM/kink is a choice one makes every moment of every day. It works very well when you have a trusting, and trust-worthy companion. Being mindful may not be easy, but it need not be difficult. Know that if mistakes are made, then there are ways to correct.
Too many people wander about aimlessly in life and when it is over they wonder what happened. Foe me in my personal life I have made a commitment to Submission. I have decided to become a Slave to that real life BDSM/kink commitment. The commitment is to my Master Michael Samadhi. Near the end of my journey I only need to hear “Well done, you are good and faithful.”
Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink and BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
The appeal of kink and BDSM?
The biggest part I enjoy is the depth of BDSM and the M/s relationship. I enjoy the roles we have.
Mine to serve, honor and take direction from Master Michael. His to protect, control, direct and take the lead. And it is a force I am drawn to- like a moth to a flame
It is also called correctly submission. The dictionary definition is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. Synonyms are: yielding, capitulation, acceptance, consent, compliance.
More than a bedroom or playtime activity, we live this life 24/7. If all we did is play at roles it might be a simpler choice.
Full 24/7 M/s is a lot of work. It has times of difficulty. But, that is overcome by the joy and satisfaction of a real working relationship, it’s not a game.
I say a working relationship because relationships in a great variety of ways. I have to actively make choices at all times that will both satisfy and honor Master. I have to also be aware to not diminish my value to Master either by doing things beyond my capability, or by neglecting my health, and so on.
This is no less a challenge for Master either when you think that he is looking after and responsible for so much. He holds down a steady job and pays bills like any other.
However, he also takes ownership of the well-being of our relationship in intricate detail. Master is in the driver’s seat in the car, it is also a fact that he is in the Driver’s seat of our relationship and of how we live.
If for some reason Master chooses to ask me my opinion, I will give it as best I can. But, I always strive to defer to his decisions. At best I make suggestions of which Master then makes a choice or decides differently.
I recall one day at the special spot we like to call the Kinky Cabin.
A day sunny, and just right. Master and I were waiting for Sir Alpha’s arrival.
I was tied to a bed inside naked and hands tied overhead and feet above, while Master lit a cigar, after it was wetted by my pussy and was out on the deck smoking while he scanned the edge of the woods for Sir.
Before long I heard voices as he arrived and he was delighted to see his quarry on display for him.
They finished smoking and released me only to then apply breath strips to my clit and restrained on top of a picnic table. for some time until there was a possibility for sunburn.
I was just released and sitting upright when the ranger showed up asking if we needed any more wood.
Otherwise there might have been some “splainin” to do!
I feel any ethics are shaped by people who come from their various and diverse backgrounds and their sensibilities of right and wrong.
Kink is as ethical as the people who are in Kink. Of course I adhere to the basics of trust, honor and respect. everything else is negotiable.
It might also be said anything goes as long as there is no real or perceived harm to me or others. Playing with another who is married is not a problem, for example if the other spouse is aware of and allows or at least tolerates the activities.
I am sure one could present a long list of do’s and don’ts, but each of them is going to be subjected to that basic standard of trust, honor and respect, before they can be a consideration or abandoned
Hard limits are very strong dislikes of things I will not consider at all. I do have a few of them.
The primary one is ingesting piss or poop. I would not drink blood, fuck or be fucked by an animal.
I also would not choose to be punished for real, treated like a child, humiliated, or have bathroom and cleanliness restrictions.
I need my sleep to function so no sleep deprivation. Stapling, as I am allergic to metals, nor would I embrace permanent marks like scarification.
I would not be a good candidate for forced or funnel feeding, nor extreme breath denial.
Underwater games are also off limits, as is competing with others. I have no intention of ever submitting to another female dominant.
Then there are a lot of softer limits, Things I would not likely choose as a primal fantasy or otherwise, but I might try a few times.
Needle play, and numbers of other activities have a potential to be down-sized or limited. I love breath-play, but am afraid if I do not implicitly trust the one doing that to stop before I get to a panic point.
And although I will not submit to a female dominant, I am not necessarily opposed to a bit of play with someone.
The biggest issue for me is respect and trust. I at least need to like the person.
I am by nature a submissive, and on occasion I do enjoy co-topping with someone, but I have learned that I am quite uncomfortable in a dominant role. I just have my moments!
I have never been accused of having too many sexual fantasies! In fact I am sorry to say my imagination doesn’t swing that way. However I am able to think of some scenes that are interesting and could be fun.
I enjoy role-play. If I am in an open for anything mood I am quite flexible in becoming whatever is happening. On the flip side I am also in general quite shy and inhibited even. I have learned to overcome my shyness most of the time.
Most of the time I still need to be prompted. I guess that is my submissive nature to want to be instructed. If I did list a fantasy it would likely happen out-doors or some form of exhibitionism. I have nervously flashed truckers as we drive by. and once I was sent in to a pizza joint wearing only the thinnest silk top that revealed everything delicious. I secretly hoped they wouldn’t notice but the guy played yo-yo with the change as I paid for the pie we’d ordered, I knew full well they were playing the game! It was scary, but it was fun.
Seems like outdoors is so much more potential of being discovered which is exciting and demands a lot of adrenaline. I am not sure if this qualifies as a fantasy or not. There are other risks involved- if one offends the wrong person the authorities might be called.
One fantasy I have that will likely never be achieved is learning and doing burlesque. I love the glittery costumes and the playful theater. Same goes for Belly Dance- I have even taken some lessons and it seem it is the struggle against the years and unco-operative joints. So, while I can practice some “moves” it will not be a reality. Fortunately I am also a drummer and I can drum for hours in a drum circle. There I can appreciate the talents of young, lithe, able-bodied dancers and fire players, and hula dancers.