- Nervous? – Wicked Wednesday #87
- Decisions? They Are Mine!
- The First Time Serafina Was Shared
- Balancing Pain And Pleasure
- I got a prayer with a girl . . .
- Hidden Problems
- Communicate and Educate
- Alone Together Again
- Energy Antennae
- “S” is for Safe Sex
- My Leather Family Comes Full Circle
- There Once Was a Chance I Didn’t Take
- Beyond Considering Sinnja
- Slippery Slopes and Trigger Warnings
- Jealousy – the Green Eyed Monster
- YKINMK – Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok)
- Charlotte! (Rhymes with Harlot)
- What Do You Doubt?
- If Orange is the New Black Then Black is the New White
- Sending Smoke Signals
- The difficult truth!
Decisions . . . Decisions!
Today’s Wicked Wednesday topic is all about the word decision. I should start by saying that a discussion based around the word decision is actually a easy topic here at House of Samadhi. Most every decision is mine to make. It’s always been that way, and as long as I am capable and competent, I expect that it will remain that way. Not only is my sole decision making ability one of the “conditions” that are the basis of our Master / slave relationship, it’s actually Serafina’s choice for our dynamic. And, it has been from the beginning.
Serafina’s first husband was a sorry man. I don’t say that out of jealousy or pique, it’s more a matter of fact statement than anything else. He was a poor provider, he was a poor father, he was a poor husband. The only thing he wasn’t poor at was in the sexual realm, there he was even more deficient. It’s actually very easy for me not to feel any sort of animosity towards the man, because, were it not for his deficiencies, were it not for his complete negligence of his marital responsibilities, Serafina never would have become mine.
The one thing that a submissive like Serafina craves in a partner, is confidence and the ability to take charge of a situation as needed. Only, in her previous marriage, the roles were close to being polar opposites of what Serafina desired. When she and her former spouse owned an upholstery shop, he could do very little on his own. It seems he didn’t have the confidence to set an upholstery tack without the need to consult his wife. I know Dommes who would thrive in such a situation, but it was the last thing Serafina needed.
My slave would be quick to tell you that there’s a huge difference between being Masterful and being inept, they are exact opposites in Serafina’s opinion. In her prior relationship she got the latter. Ineptitude is never really a desirable trait in a spouse, but it’s doubly destructive when it puts a natural submissive into a situation where she has to take charge. Serafina’s well beyond being just competent, so it should be said that not only did she rise to the occasion, she rose to it well, conquering every challenge that headed her way. She’s a resourceful, intelligent and vital woman. Of course she did well. But, deep inside she always wanted to follow, not to lead.
I’m a leader, it’s what I do. Leaders lead, it’s just that simple. Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m no neanderthal, I don’t demand that anyone follow me, in fact I often shy away from leadership opportunities, as I generally prefer to be outside the spotlight. But, I was blessed with what’s called a “command personality”, for whatever reason the Creator decided that I’d be so endowed. Personally, I’d have taken a couple of extra inches length in a different endowment. Give me that bump from 7 1/2″ to 9 1/2″ and I’d have gone into porn. With that said, I don’t think there’s any potential surgical enhancement for one’s leadership skills, so I am rather satisfied with my endowment of all types, thank you very much.
From the beginning of our relationship, which started as a BDSM triad by the way, I’ve been described as the “lead wheel”. Back in those days we used a tricycle as the metaphor, today it’s a bicycle, but the analogy is still the same. The lead wheel provides the direction, the back wheels the propulsion. So, I make the decisions, it’s our dynamic. It’s the way my slave prefers to be, and it suits me perfectly. Serafina gives the support and drive needed to make the destinations I’ve picked. That’s how true partnerships work.
Do you find it difficult to make a decision?
Not in the least. Being the “decider” comes as naturally to me as swimming does to a fish.
All decisions or only some of them?
They are all mine. When I occasionally ask Serafina where she’d like to eat, the response I often get is a look similar to a deer in the headlights of a car. Stunned indecision. Why am I asking her? Don’t I know where I want to eat? She wants me to decide. I do normally let her choose what she’d like to eat, but I like to order for her, so even there the final say is mine, I’m the one talking to the wait staff.
Are you even allowed to decide everything or are some decisions made for you by others? Why?
As much as we are generally loathe to admit it, there are things beyond the control of even the most powerful and authoritative dominant. My government is making health insurance decisions for me right now, and they decide a number of other things I’ll never effect. No matter what, some decisions in life are made by others. Serafina decides plenty for herself, as far as she’s concerned. I always listen to her, she’s never stifled or left out of the decision making process. She will always be my closest confident and advisory, her opinion is invaluable to me. But, in the end, I’m the one who says yes or no. It’s the lead wheel that chooses which way to go.
How do you cope when a decision is made for you and you are not happy with it?
I’m pretty much like everyone else here. I complain about the Democrats, or the Republicans, as needed. I vote. I protest. I also take my frustrations out on needy masochists.
Have you looked back on some decisions that you have made and regretted that what you have done? Or maybe even realized it was the best decision you could have made?
Of course! I’m human, so some of my decisions will turn out to be regrettable. I have to allow myself the ability to make mistakes, otherwise I’d be eternally paralyzed by fear that a decision would go wrong even before it was made. The important thing there, in my opinion is to avoid repeating the same mistake again. There are plenty of mistakes for me to make, even as Master, so it’s important to me that I avoid making the same mistake over again.