This entry is part 20 of 22 in the series Wicked Wednesday

doubt  –  /dout/

verb (used with object)

  1. to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe.
  2. to distrust.
  3. Archaic. to fear; be apprehensive about.

verb (used without object)

  1. to be uncertain about something; be undecided in opinion or belief.

noun

  1. a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something.
  2. distrust.
  3. a state of affairs such as to occasion uncertainty.
  4. Obsolete . fear; dread.

Everyone has doubts.

Yes, there are people who do their best to project an image of themselves without doubt.  But, in my experience, those are actually the people with perhaps the most self doubt.

I certainly don’t try to project such an image myself.  Yet, I can tell you that when in doubt, I point fingers at myself.  Perhaps I am among those who have the greatest self doubt after all.

Now, when I was growing up, there was an adage – “When in doubt blame the dog!”

Some people treat their consensual slaves like dogs.  In saying that, what I’m meaning is that it seems to me that some dominants are quick to point the finger of blame at their submissive.  That’s actually the opposite of my usual personal style.

If one of my darling slaves makes a mistake, I usually look first to myself.  Perhaps I didn’t give instructions clearly enough?  Maybe I wasn’t clear in expressing my intentions and expectations?  Could it be that I didn’t properly equip my girls to deal with a specific situation?

Yes, I’m big upon accountability.  I’m big on people owning their own shit.  But when it comes right down to it, when I’m thinking about my girls, when I’m considering their actions and issues, I’m usually looking first to blame myself.

They have me to hold them accountable, to take them to task if they decide it’s easier to ignore a rule, or protocol, we’ve all mutually agreed upon.  But then who holds the master accountable for his own foibles, if not himself?

My own doubts have been amplified of late.  I wrote in a previous post about my issues with sciatica pain.  That kind of pain brings big doubts to mind for me . . . 

Why me?  Why now?  What if the pain doesn’t go away?  What then?  How much longer will I be able to handle the physical strain of being a proper Master?  What will my girls think if I’m unable to play as dynamically as I once did?  What will I think if that happens?

Yes, when it comes to the topic of doubts these days, I have plenty . . .

What Do You Doubt?  Myself!

doubt1

Wicked Wednesday
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Wicked Wednesday What Do You Doubt?
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