- Introduction to 30 Days of Kink
- Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you?
- List Your Kinks!
- How did you discover you were kinky?
- Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
- What was your first kinky sexual experience?
- Describe Your Most Interesting Sexual Fantasy
- What’s Your Favorite Toy?
- Post A Kinky Image You Find Erotic
- Post a Kink Related Song You Enjoy
- What are your hard limits?
- What are your views on the ethics of kink?
- Tell Us About A Humorous Kink Experience
- What is the appeal of BDSM? Why am I drawn to kink?
- How Does Real Life BDSM Differ From Fantasy?
- What are your hard limits?
A classic question.
But first, for the uninitiated, we need to define the term. From Wikipedia:
In BDSM, limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about, usually referring to prohibited activities.
A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship.
No doubt defining one’s own hard limits is a simple enough question for most folks to answer.
Unfortunately, I’m not most folks.
As a dominant I’m far more used to observing other’s limits than I am in talking about my own. And, since hard limits are things we’d never consider doing, this is a sort of terra incognita, we are heading into whereabouts that are completely unknown.
- I will not violate another’s informed consent.
This covers a multitude of other hard limits, but by itself it’s THE basic core of what separates BDSM from abuse. Therefore, it’s listed first. I will participate in so called “consensual non-consent” activities, but at it’s heart that’s still consensual.
- I won’t play with children or anyone under the age of 21.
First of all, there’s just no attraction here. Youth is wasted on the young, and I’m simply not attracted to anyone much under the age of thirty. Also, I do not believe that individuals under the age of 21 are completely capable of giving informed consent, so this would also be covered by the first rule.
- Poop and scat play are off limits.
I’ve no problem with anal or enema play, but want no part of a scene where the focus is on shit. Thank you very much, but no thank you!
- I only have sex with my beloved and my love, Serafina and Sinnja.
This one’s pretty simple for me, and more than being about “hard limits”, it’s about love. For me to desire sex (intercourse) with someone these days, I really and truly need to be in love with them.
It wasn’t always this way. Back in my 20’s and 30’s I was very much an “ethical slut”, and I was very discriminating. But I wasn’t perhaps as discriminating as I am today.
It’s a given that Alpha will remain a part of our intimate circle of friends. But, beyond that, it remains to be seen how much we, as a triad, will decide to play with anyone else.
Perhaps, at some point, Alpha and Serafina can find a subbie boy wishing to be cuckolded by them, locked in a cock cage by Alpha. I think that would be great fun for all, so if the opportunity occurred, I’d surely invite everyone involved to carry through with it.
Both Serafina and Sinnja have a top/sadist side they like to occasionally express, so at some point they may want a “houseboy” to torment. Maybe it could even be the cuckold serving Alpha and Serafina. I’d not deny them that, especially if their “boy” did yard-work or housework.
And, I have had some lovely lady friends I’ve played with in the past year. While I am committed to being exclusive with Serafina and Sinnja sexually, that doesn’t necessarily preclude all sorts of wonderful play and instruction with those existing friends. Now, they have to understand that my hands are pretty darn full with the duo of wonderful submissives that belong to me. So, if and when I do play with others, I’m almost certain to want Serafina or Sinnja, or both, to join in on the fun as co-dominants.
- I won’t take part in a scene that deliberately mutilates someone’s body, even if it’s consensual.
The best example I know here is the “castration fantasy”. Some guys get off on the thought of having their testicles removed. I won’t go there. Same with the folks who surgically split their dicks. Nope, not for me.
Tattoos are ok, in fact they can be really hot. Branding and cutting falls into the same category, they can be done beautifully. Piercings, both temporary and permanent likewise. All of those can be full of symbolic meaning for the person receiving the mark/ring, as well as those giving them. I suppose that getting one’s nads cut off could be full of meaning, just not for me.
So, most body mods are ok, just don’t ask to be losing parts of yourself, I’m not going there. It’s fine if you think it might be a hot fantasy to walk around with an empty ballsack, just don’t ask me to participate.
- I will not participate in activities I consider to be “at risk” for transmission of a STI or blood born pathogen, with an exception for my fluid bonded triad.
If you want to do a scene with blood, semen, or other body fluids that are likely to transmit STIs or blood borne pathogens, go for it! It’s your life and your risk. If I choose to take part in those sorts of activities, it will only be within the fluid bonded triad I’ve formed with Serafina and Sinnja.
Many of the other “common” hard limits are not issues for me. For instance, watersports (BDSM activities involving urine) aren’t a big turn on for me, but I’ve taken part in that kind of play on several occasions. Blood play freaks a lot of people out, and once again, it’s not a huge turn on for me, but I can understand it’s attraction. The key for me is knowing that it’s a safe activity in terms of pathogens.