It’s ALL About the Bond

by | Aug 4, 2017 | Joy of Kink, Memes | 3 comments

Wicked Wednesday

Prompt #270: Bond

When I first read Wicked Wednesday Prompt #270: Bond – I was stumped.  The attached video of the lovely performance didn’t help me any either.  I found no inspiration.

Then, after a nap this afternoon, I realized what the prompt meant to me.  Of course!

The special bonds I’ve found in BDSM relationships have been closer and deeper than any I’ve ever felt.  That is what inspires me to write on this topic.

vanilla’s just another spice

I want to say up front that I’m not going to claim (as some do) that BDSM relationships are always deeper.

I won’t even begin to say being part of a BDSM relationship creates a bond more special than other relationships styles.

You see, I’ve witnessed vanilla relationships with just as close a connection.  My Aunt and Uncle (Father’s brother and his wife) were one of the most exceptional couples I’ve ever met.  

I do know they shared an active sex life together all the way to the end.  I’m guessing they were pretty kinky too, at least all indications leaned that way.

But the relationship style was pure vanilla.

The bond they shared was forged in the great depression and a world war.

But, beyond that, it was built from shared hardships, common experiences, and mutual pleasures.

Those are the same elements which the best BDSM style relationships are also built upon.

Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.

Jalaluddin Rumi

mutual pleasure

Without a doubt, the deepest relationships I’ve ever had were Master/slave relationships.

Obviously, I don’t believe that BDSM relationships feature an inherently deeper bond than other relationship styles.  But, it’s clear they can offer a path to a very close connection.

So, what is it about power exchange relationships that elicit such deep intimacy and closeness?

I think, in the case of successful power exchange relationships, it starts with mutual pleasure.

Often that is what attracted us to each other in the first place.  Our common interests in power exchange, kink, fetish, BDSM.

At least that’s how it has been for me, those times when I’ve found a great bond with others.

Granted, I’ve always been a very sexual creature.  And elements of BDSM have been part of my sexuality since my earliest memory.

I’ve nothing against pure vanilla.  In fact, I consider it to be just another spice.  But, it’s not my preference.  It’s not my kink, but that’s ok.

With that in mind, nearly all of the peak experiences I’ve shared with submissive partners, with my slaves, have been built around BDSM.

And, it’s those incredible mutual pleasures that help to build the very strong bond that often happens in power exchange/authority exchange relationships.

You don’t build a bond without being present.

James Earl Jones

common experience

If common experiences are another part of creating a great bond, opportunities abound within BDSM relationships.

Munches and play parties are a good example.  When folks in a power exchange relationship attend a play party (or even a munch) it can create memorable experiences they will always share.

At the very least, they aren’t off playing golf or attending church groups alone.

Bigger events and festivals can have even greater effects.

I know that I was inspired to become a presenter one weekend while attending Kinky Kollege in Chicago.  A visit to IML (also in Chicago) served as the catalyst for the formation of the first MAsT group in Iowa.

And, I know that Twisted Tryst, a four day weekend of camping and kinky debauchery, has had a dramatic effect on the lives of many.

If it’s true that the family that plays together stays together, then power exchange relationships offer great opportunities for bonding through those common experiences.

Love is the bond of perfection.

John Winthrop

shared hardships

I know it may seem a little odd at first that I’ve included shared hardships as a part of bonding.  I know it happens as a part of power exchange relationships.  And, to my mind, it’s a very common occurrence.

For most power exchange participants, keeping their kink activities in the closet is a necessity.  Perhaps we are out to friends or even family.  But, it’s rare for most to have our kink fully integrated into our lives.

Obviously, that’s a form of a shared hardship, the kind that can create a strong bond in relationships.

Parents with children face a similar situation.

Hiding a vibrator or dildo may cause a certain sense of unease for parents of inquisitive children.  But, needing to conceal floggers and other similar implements of instruction can be more anxiety inducing still.

The need to keep our authentic lives secret creates a shared hardship that bonds those of us who have immersed ourselves in power exchange ever closer to each other.

bond – Michael’s way

I really don’t enjoy power exchange, or any form of BDSM play, without a connection.  It does nothing for me without a bond.

I stopped doing “pick-up” play of any kind a while back, for that very reason.

I need that bond.  It could be said that I crave it.

Without that connection, the power exchange is really a role-play.  Roleplaying and cosplay are fun, but they aren’t what truly fuel my fire.

It really is ALL about the bond for me…

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Lifestyle dominant, sex blogger, sex educator, photographer, artist, pansexual, sapiosexual, polyamorist, pagan/Buddhist, former political activist, and community organizer. I tied up a girlfriend (consensually) the first time back in 1980, and it's been a hell of a ride ever since.

    Follow me~
  • facebook
  • pinterest
  • twitter

Pin It on Pinterest