“W” is for Wedding Dress Fetish

“W” is for Wedding Dress Fetish

I’ve long been aware that my fellow human beings are capable of finding fetish value in most anything we commonly (and even uncommonly) find around us.  Real people fetishize everything from robots to tentacles.  And yes, there are more than a few into what could only be called (at least to my mind) a wedding dress fetish.

For instance, a quick google search for the term “wedding dress fetish” leads to more than one “Experience Project” essay like I Have A Wedding Dress Fetish, where we read:

For as long as i remember i’ve allways have the fetish for wedding dresses. Wedding dresses are the ultimate in femininitity and the most ultimate dress anyone can own. I started getting bridal magazines when i was a teenager and when bridal fashion shows were at the local malls i would go and watch them. I’ve never been in a bridal salon but allways looked at the display models wearing the lovely gowns. When i started my dressing my ultimate goal is to own a wedding gown when the oppertunity came up and it eventually came. I now own 2 wedding gowns and don’t be surprized if i hunt for another one. My fetish is as strong today thanks to the internet. I have bridal websites as favourites and i watch bridal fashion shows on youtube. I still buy bridal magazines but not as frequently as before as i think i can see more wedding gowns on the net than seeing them in a magazine. The feeling of all that fabric swishing and draggin around you is the most ultimate feeling you can experience. Seeing pics of other people like us in wedding gowns assures me that my fetish for wedding gowns will remain strong.


sheer sexiness from Vera Wang’s Spring 2016 bridal collection

While the spelling in that particular essay may need some additional attention, the feelings described by the author certainly don’t need any editorial work, they are an excellent reflection of the special feelings that wedding dresses elicit for some individuals.  I have a little bit of a wedding dress fetish myself, so I can personally relate.  It’s not a huge fetish for me, you won’t likely find me perusing magazines devoted to modern brides.  Nevertheless, I do have a relatively strong appreciation for a sexy woman adorned in a bridal gown.

And, without a doubt, I’ve noticed that (over time) bridal gowns themselves are getting sexier and sexier.  As far as the perspective of a wedding gown fetishist such as myself, that’s probably a good thing.  Certainly, to my eyes, anything that makes the wedding ritual sexier should be embraced.  Yes, I understand that weddings are not yet considered to be a “fetish event”, but some trends in wedding fashion seem to be leading us in that particular direction.

I’m not alone in noticing this trend.  In fact, today’s essay is inspired (at least in part) by a recent article at The Atlantic’s website titled Aisle Be Seeing You: The Rise of the Totally Transparent Bridal Gown where this delicious trend is detailed.

The recent Bridal Fashion Week in New York, which previewed wedding gowns for the Spring 2016 season, featured all the things you’d expect: lace, crystals, tulle. (So much tulle!) It also featured, however, something you wouldn’t, necessarily, expect: skin. (So much skin!) Skin not just of traditionally exposed bridal body parts—arms and shoulders and calves—but also of stomachs and sides and backs.

There was the Marchesa gown that leaves its wearer’s back bare save for a line of covered buttons. There was Theia’s pants-based ensemble, the focal point of which is a bra worn under an iridescent blouse. There was the spate of dresses that, taking their cue from ready-to-wear trends, featured cutouts—at the waist (Reem Acra), in the back (Monique Lhuillier), between the breasts (Angel Sanchez). There were the many two-piece affairs, with fits both boxy and snug, showing flirty flashes of midriff. There were the nearly invisible nettings—draped, wantonly, over shoulders and backs and necklines—that offered, in everything but the most up-close of views, the illusion of bareness. There were the many dresses that took their plunging necklines to their logical conclusions: their wearers’ waists.

But the most revealing pieces in the latest bridal lines—revealing, in every sense of the word—were Vera Wang’s mermaid-cut sheaths, staunchly traditional in their ribbons and lace, but innovative in their most striking features: The gowns are almost fully translucent, from their necklines to their hems. The lingerie their models wore, dainty and daring at the same time, was on full display under the fishnet and lace bodices of the gowns. The lingerie was, in fact, an elemental part of the dresses.

As a man who finds bridal lingerie to be a big part of the appeal of the so called “bride fetish”, I see this to be a very positive trend.  Sexy brides make for sexy weddings, and what’s not to like about that?  I personally find a sexy bride to be far more appealing than endless recitation from 1 Corinthians.

Love may be patient and kind. Love may not envy, boast, or be overly proud.  But let us be sure, love is often sexy.  Very sexy.

Megan Garber observed in her article for The Atlantic:

This—the be-boudoired bridal outfit—may be designed to shock, but it isn’t at all surprising. It’s simply another step toward something that has taken place both gradually and seemingly overnight: the sexification of the wedding dress. The gowns that have for so long involved sweeping hoop skirts and demure lace and virginal white have been, of late, getting steadily saucier. They’ve been showing more shoulder, more cleavage, more back … more of pretty much everything, except fabric.

wedding_dress_05I happen to believe that a ceremony centered on romantic love between individuals should (if it’s to be honest) embrace all things sexy.  And, wherever possible, I do practice what I preach.  Serafina and I viewed her collaring ceremony to be a sexier version of our wedding, with an even deeper commitment than most marriages.  At our ceremony, Serafina was adorned in little more than a plain white corset.  When she crawled up the aisle to me, our guests saw the same charms I see every evening!

While the creations of designers like Vera Wang may not go quite as far as we did at a D/s collaring ceremony, they aren’t terrible far behind.  Which leads me to a personal observation.  It seems like the cutting edge fashion industry has always borrowed a page from the fetish community.  First it’s worn on the streets, then the fashion later appears on runways and stages.  Now that’s even true for bridal wear.

Now, I should probably inform you that what I call a “wedding dress fetish”, is more commonly known as a “bride fetish”.  While bridal fetishes haven’t yet seemed to earn a specific name from the medical/psychological community, it is a fetish the kink community does acknowledge.  LatexWiki offers the following description:

A bride fetish is a sexual fetish in which either a woman (or possibly a man) enjoys dressing in the typical outfit worn by a bride, or someone derives sexual pleasure from viewing women (or possibly men) dressed in this manner.

A bride may be regarded as the archetype of a virgin ready and waiting to have sexual intercourse. Brides often wear garments associated with fetish: lingerie such as basques or corsets, stockings and thongs; they also wear stiletto shoes. Generally, a bridal dress and lingerie are white or nearly white, denoting purity. For a transvestite, bridal wear may be the ultimate female apparel.  Sometimes at a wedding between two men, one or both men dress as brides.

wedding_dress_fetish_06Alternately, I’ve also seen it called a “virgin fetish”.

Bride Fetish is sometimes known as a virgin fetish, where the ideal woman is pure and uninitiated, making her a safe partner in many ways. The bridal fetish extends to the image of an innocent appearing virginal bride being your own total whore, willing and anxious to do anything to please you sexually.

While I’m not sure if I put all that much weight behind my own wedding dress fetish being about making a virginal bride into my own total whore, I do have to admit that’s not an unappealing thought.  And, I also have to admit that displaying my Serafina as I did, while she crawled down the aisle at her collaring in nothing but a corset, was made all the sweeter knowing she was raised a devout Mennonite girl.

If you are going to corrupt a tradition, corrupt it good!

Rumors of My Demise

Rumors of My Demise

As the old saying goes, “Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated!”

The last year has been a very long one.  I spent last spring, summer, and fall, suffering from terrible sciatica issues, so I really view 2014 as a “lost year” – it wasn’t pretty.  I had surgery in January to help relieve some of my issues, and for the most part the surgery was a success.  I have less daily pain than before, for certain, but I’ve lost a lot of sensation in my right leg.

Then in February is was Serafina’s turn.  Her back problems were actually far more serious than my own, as she had not only a bone spur, but also had to deal with pieces of a calcified disc that had shattered.

Did I say “wasn’t pretty” once already?  Well, let me say it again – it wasn’t pretty!

Then, a few weeks after Serafina’s surgery, in March, Sinnjara had problems too.  Mid-month Sinnjara had a pretty bad car accident, one that included Interstate Highway speeds, two full 360 degree spins with a 180 added at the end for good measure.  Yes you read that correctly, Sinnjara spun around 2 and 1/2 times, 900 degrees.  Her car was totaled, but she did walk away.

There was some other additional drama, I’m not going to discuss here, simply suffice it to say 2015 didn’t start off real well.  Obviously, for those who say this blog stripped down naked to a single post, you know I didn’t deal with all the drama well myself.

I eventually got over myself – it’s really far more complicated than I’m letting on, obviously, I got over a lot more than just myself, but this blog is meant to be primarily an educational tool, not my personal confessional – at that point Sinnjara helped restore the blog from a backup we’d created to do some design work last fall.

During my time away from the leather community, I’ve had time to reflect.  Occasionally there was the equivalent of a sharp stick in my side helping me, as I do have a pair of lovely submissives who can be exceptionally well behaved, and at the same time challenge me to my own limit.  So I’ve reflected, thought, pondered, studied, and considered.  The resulting conclusion is that I am what I am, there’s no denying it.

I’m kinky and perverted down to my core.  My true family (extended version) are the wonderful folks I’ve met exploring this lifestyle, whether those meetings are in person, or whether they are virtual.  As much as I was depressed these past few months from not being able to roam a dungeon comfortably, I was also depressed from not interacting here as well.  I’ve missed my friends, no matter where we’ve met!

So, I’m back.  I purchased a nice computer chair (by Lazy Boy, shudder at that name – lol) that doesn’t set off my sciatica.  I’ll be writing education pieces, participating in the wonderful internet memes like Sinful Sunday, (one of many really) that my family enjoys.  Hopefully I’m back where I was at this time last year . . . I’m feeling like a strutting rooster again . . .

Last but not least, and just for fun, I wanted to append a penis infographic I ran across this morning on Facebook.  Cock-a-doodle doo . . .


A Conversation With Alpha

A Conversation With Alpha

We had a small celebration of sorts yesterday.

One year ago today Serafinas was officially collared as my slave. We could neither afford, nor did we have the energy to put together anything big this year to celebrate, so we simply invited our very dear friend Alpha Bull down to visit.  Our friendship with Alpha is by far the deepest we share in the community, which itself is significant.

But, the invitation was full of other meaning as well.  In addition to giving the formal toast after the ceremony, Alpha was the man chosen to bring a blindfolded and nearly naked Serafina down the aisle to me, on a leash. To top everything else off, Alpha had given us a case of Naked Wines as a gift at the ceremony, and I’d promised to share one bottle with him on the event’s anniversary.  I’ve actually held back the entire case, thinking that as long as the wine holds out, we can sample a bottle every year on the collaring’s anniversary.

For yesterday, Sinnjara supplied a very delicious Rye Whiskey she picked up just for the event, as she’d once heard me mention that Rye was one of Alpha’s favorite drinks.  Serafina slaved over the stove for two consecutive days to produce a chocolate cake-pie and a Lemon Meringue pie.

Me? I supplied the cigars.  Sinnjara smoked a Tatiana Mocha Caramely, Serafina had a CAO Cherry Bomb Cigarillo, while Alpha and I savored the pairing of Sinnja’s rye whiskey with a Joya De Nicaragua Antaño 1970 Lanceros.

Also, mirroring my efforts at the collaring ceremony, I grilled meat.  I’ve been cooking meat over a grill since the 1970’s, I did it professionally while supporting myself as a youth.  It’s not only something I’m good at, it’s a joy for me to do as well.  Slow cooking meat over a grill is almost as relaxing as enjoying a fine cigar.  Pairing the two together (not to mention the addition of Sinnjara’s Rye) is always an outstanding experience for me.

000169colorAs we were sitting around discussing the news, the topic of rape play came up.  It seems that a mutual friend of ours acted out a rape fantasy with a lady at the Kinky Kottage, so Alpha was sharing the story as he knew it.

Now let’s be honest, rape play isn’t an everyday topic here, but, truth told, it’s relatively common as a fantasy.  I’ve seen estimates that more than 50% of women have, at some time in their life, fantasized about forced or coerced sex.  The popularity of what I call “bodice ripping” harlequin style romance novels is proof positive that it’s not an uncommon fantasy at all.  Certainly, it’s a marketable niche to say the least.

Now I do want to be clear about one thing – in talking about “rape play” – we are discussing a special niche within BDSM, the realm of consensual non-consent.  Because rape and force fantasies are so common, a lot of protocols have been developed within the community to try and make fulfilling the fantasies relatively safe.  Even with that said, any kind of consensual non-consent is edge play.  It’s not anything to be taken lightly, or to be done without some serious forethought.

I have a very dear friend who hopes to live out rape fantasies.  I’ve pledged to help her live them out, and I’m not the kind of man to give my word like that lightly.  But, because she has become a dear friend, I’ve begun to wonder if my role in fulfilling her fantasy will only end up being advisory. I may have to help organize her rape, but not be able to take part myself.


000179BWWell, the proposition was put forth yesterday, that for a lady to really have her fantasy fulfilled, it’s best done by someone she doesn’t know, a stranger.  It’s pretty logical if you think about it.  If Dee and I feel affection and sexual attraction for each other, it’s not like anything I do with her could be realistic enough to fulfill the fantasy.  Oh I could hurt her, she could struggle, we could have some really nasty rough sex that verged on the non-consensual.  That sounds like a good time to me.  But seriously, how can it be non-consensual if there is any kind of preexisting attraction?

It can’t!

That’s one key difference between real life and fantasy.  In the real world, a high percentage of rapes are committed by individuals who might be considered friends, or at least part of a shared social circle.  While there may be women who fantasize about being raped by a friend, that’s not how the fantasy usually works . . .

It was such a fascination conversation that we had, I’d like to continue it here.  What are your thoughts on consensual non-consent and rape play?

The difficult truth!

The difficult truth!

I believe in sunshine.

I don’t mean that literally, like the rays of the sun.  Instead I mean it in the sense of everything happening in the light, nothing hidden or deliberately obscured in the shadows.

When I first asked Sinnjara to wear my collar, I told her I only had two real rules – honesty and transparency.  Sure, I have protocols that I want to be followed, they all have their own meaning in my heart.  But the two rules, they are the core of it all!

000179BWIn short, I believe in the truth.

Just the other day, I gave an old quote to my Serafina and Sinnjara, I said, ‘The truth shall set you free.”  I really believe that it does.

Completely bare honest truth, nothing held back, that’s what I desire.  The kind of D/s relationship I want with my girls is all about knowing their desires, then using them for my own ends and means.

I repay their honesty and transparency in the same coin.  The only thing I hide from them are the wicked plans my brain is hatching for their training and use.  Sometimes it’s better if they don’t know those in advance.

Sometimes the truth is difficult.  The thoughts we have aren’t always pretty.  But when mistakes are made, and being human it’s inevitable that we ALL will make them, it’s important to me that we own them.  If we brush our problems under the carpet, or sweep them out the door, they never were resolved.  And those kind of thing tend to hang in the air, getting heavier and heavier over time, until their weight can no longer be borne.

At that point, there’s real trouble, and the recriminations can be worse still.

Why didn’t you tell me?

000143coloraccentedgesWhy was this hidden?

What else are you hiding?

Those are the questions that often come to mind,  And they can be destructive questions.  Sometimes, it’s all heavy enough to end good relationships.  And, that’s especially true when we start mixing BDSM and polyamory in as part of the relationship’s structure.  It’s so easy for submissives and slaves, who tend towards shyness anyway, to decide they don’t need to bother Master with a difficult truth.  “Oh, Master has had such a tough day, he doesn’t need the additional burden right now,” or so they can so easily tell themselves.

It’d dangerous territory to enter, at least from my perspective, when we decide to put off the truth.  Soon enough, inconvenient truths are forgotten, pushed under the proverbial rug.  When the rug accumulates enough of them, the “room” the relationship is inside doesn’t have secure footing for anyone.  Sweeping things under the carpet will eventually catch up to a person.

Yes, it can be dangerous (or seem so) to be completely open to another person, but to me the dangers of failing to do so are far far worse.


Pavlok – Exercise Band with a Sadistic Twist

Pavlok – Exercise Band with a Sadistic Twist

Meet the Pavlok

“Naturally, I believe that an authority figure should have real authority.”
~  Maneesh Sethi – inventor of the Pavlok

pavlok color 1Called the Pavlok, it’s a shocking new way to stay fit.  Like a mechanized personal trainer, except it has a special electric twist.  This is actually an older story, having been published at Boston.com first back in February, then picked up by the Daily Mail in July.  But, it’s not old news by any means.  I only just read about it for the first time today at Fetlife, thanks to author John Warren’s posting in the The Remote-Control Devices Group.

The story goes like this – A gentleman named Maneesh Sethi has invented a device that automatically tracks a person’s exercise, and if the user doesn’t meet the device’s goals, they receive an electric shock.  The idea is that the small electric zaps will help to provide motivation for folks not willing to motivate themselves to exercise.

I could envision a number of potential BDSM uses for the Pavlok, all depending on how the unit is programmed and the conditions under which it could be set off via remote means. At the very least it’s a motivational device to keep a submissive exercising, but the potential is there for so much more.

pavlok color 2Obviously, by interacting with a smart phone, I could provide “motivation” for just about anything from hundreds, or even thousands, of miles away . . .

Here’s where I go from reality to fantasy, but I have to think the Pavlok would be most fun if the device could be somehow set to monitor a submissive’s orgasms (perhaps from some sort of galvanic skin response to sexual stimulation?) so that a required number of orgasms must be met to avoid being shocked, or conversely any attempt to orgasm would elicit a zap.  I like the sounds of having that kind of control, it could be great fun.

Alas, even the regular device, without any kinky adaptations, may be a long time coming.  So far, it seems he’s raised $100,000 on the way to a goal of $500,000 to get everything rolling.  So, he’s only 20% along the way towards his goal.  Perhaps he needs to be shocked to provide more motivation?

The device’s inventor, Maneesh Sethi, seems to need a bit more motivation in his life from time to time.  He’s already had his first 15 minutes of fame back in 2012, when he hit the news after advertising on Craigslist for someone to slap him if he became distracted.

Slapped-by-Craiglister-YouTube-1I figured, ‘This is stupid, why am I wasting this time doing nothing? When I have a boss, or someone of authority watching me, I always get my work done. How can I simulate the authority figure?

‘Naturally, I believe that an authority figure should have real authority.

‘And I am a big fan of Slap Bets. Put those together — and I realized I needed someone to make me work, with permission to slap me in the whenever I cheated.’

He then advertised the unconventional job under ‘gigs’on the San Francisco section of the online classified site Craiglist – and eventually hired a woman to hit him – saying it boosted his productivity.

pavlok designMr. Sethi sounds like a masochist to me, I just can’t see him any other way.  So, I really can’t help myself from saying – “Now get off that ass and get that money raised, boy!”

Got “Torture Sticks”?

Got “Torture Sticks”?

Could it be that 50 Shades of Grey really opened the floodgates?

Has kink/BDSM really become that mainstream?

I ask those questions because there’s a new line of cigars of which I’ve just become aware.1  Not only is the brand name of the cigars intended to play to the BDSM mentality, the individual cigars are named in a provocative fashion to appeal to folks into BDSM, as well as those who may be attracted to BDSM despite not practicing any kink.

No puns intended, at least none that I know of, they really are named “Torture Sticks” . . .

torture-stick-cigars-01Varieties in the Torture Stick line include:

  1. Tickle Torture
  2. Light Flogging
  3. Public Shunning
  4. Electroshock
  5. Branding

So, I know there’s a long association between cigars and BDSM that goes back as far as we’ve got documented history.  And, I knew BDSM has become more and more mainstream.  But, really?  Seriously?  A brand called “Torture Sticks” with individual cigars that reference flogging and electric play?

Freakin’ amazing!

I ran the numbers, figuring the base percentages of folks who admit to BDSM/kink in their bedroom, the percentage of cigar smokers in the US, and while the end number is enough to fill a smaller sized city, it’s hard to picture this brand being anything other than a novelty success.  I’m guessing it’s more of a novelty product than anything else, but can’t say for sure until I’ve sampled some torture myself!

Does that mean I’m going “soft” and going to become a switch?  Not hardly!  It simply means that more cigars have been ordered.  Now, if I only had humidor space to keep them all . . .

For the record, here are the individual cigar descriptions as provided by Torture Sticks:

The pleasure and pain sensors of the brain lay very close to one another. The human body is carefully tuned to distinguish the fine line between what feels pleasant and what hurts. Though sometimes the signals get crossed, and what some would describe as pain actually feels like pleasure. That’s why we present the Torture 5 Cigar Sampler Pack. Perfect for a cool fall night under the light of a full moon, this is a deviously delectable collection of five cigars boasting spooky names and a gruesome band. This sampler will have you shouting out in pain as you slowly raise the intensity higher and higher with each cigar in the pack, as they increase in flavor and boldness, from mild to full-bodied.

Below are the five sadistic options we offer in each Torture 5 Cigar Sampler Pack. Choose your punishment carefully…

I. Tickle Torture
Set the mood with something light. The Tickle Torture is a mild Churchill cigar that is sure to get the blood flowing. Beware! Even though it’s the mildest in the pack it still has quite the bite. Tickle Torture is a complex smoke that requires you enjoy slowly. Just like its namesake, it may feel good at first but it does not take long for pleasure to morph into pain…unless you’re into that.
Wrapper: Ecuadorian Sumatra
Binder: Nicaraguan
Filler: Nicaraguan/Dominican

II. Light Flogging
Things start to get more intense with the Light Flogging. This Habano is a step above than the Tickle Torture. It’s darker and has a spicy flavor. This cigar is perfect for any bad little boy or girl who wants a strong and serious smoke. We can ensure the Light Flogging will teach you a lesson in smoking you’ll never forget.
Wrapper: Habano
Binder: Nicaraguan
Filler: Nicaraguan

torture-stick-cigars-02III. Public Shunning
For some there’s nothing more painful and horrific than rejection and harassment from others. That’s why we present the Public Shunning. Go to your dark place with this deep brown aged Maduro cigar. It’s rich, sweet, and dark taste will help you forget your utter abandonment from society.
Wrapper: Maduro
Binder: Dominican
Filler: Dominican

IV. Electroshock
You’ll be spilling your darkest secrets when you try our Electroshock cigar. This is a high voltage Torpedo that gets straight to the point with a strong flavor designed to turn your hair on end. Not for novices, this option sits a step below the most severe torture we offer.
Wrapper: Ecuadorian Sumatra
Binder: Nicaraguan
Filler: Nicaraguan/Dominican

V. Branding
How about a final branding to make you never forget the experience? Consider the last cigar, Branding as your permanent keepsake. The final in this line is a barber pole; two intertwined wrappers coming together for the fullest and boldest flavor in the pack. Just like the searing pain of a red-hot iron on human flesh, this cigar packs a one-two punch with dual wrappers that are just as twisted as we are.
Wrapper: Habano and Connecticut
Binder: Habano
Filler: Nicaraguan

About the only thing left to add is that one of my sweet darling submissives has already purchased a 5 cigar sampler of Torture Sticks for me, she picked them up within mere moments of seeing the sampler.  It’s good to be an alpha male, and it’s even better to have a pair of devoted ladies who take outstanding care of me.

Eventually, I’ll be able to tell you all about the whole line of Torture Sticks, everything from Tickle Torture to Branding.  But, at earliest it will be a few months down the road.  Any time I purchase new cigars online I prefer to leave them in my humidor for at least a few weeks to make sure they are properly humidified, as their time travelling with the United State’s Postal Service can be less than ideal.

Take it from a sadist, when sampling torture, it’s never good to rush!

What does it take to be a Samadhi slave?

What does it take to be a Samadhi slave?

flogging-anon-neighbor_artWhat does it take to be a Samadhi slave?

All it really takes . . . is all you’ve got!

My dear friend Alpha, is prone to saying that Master Michael doesn’t do anything half-assed, and that’s probably even more true than he knows.  The sweet ladies who are my submissives, Serafina and Sinnara, can also confirm.

I don’t want their submission on a part time basis I’m not interested in submission in just the bedroom. I want it all.

While I’m willing to work myself to earn their trust and faith, I require nothing less from them than what I give myself.  I want it all . . .

Yes indeed.  All it takes to be a Samadhi slave, is everything you’ve got!

Any questions?