Day 5: Serafina’s 30 Days of Kink

Day 5: Serafina’s 30 Days of Kink

What was your first kinky sexual experience?

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A moment with Sinnja- right after receiving her new collar from Master Michael and myself

My first actual introduction to Kink was in the home of Master Michael and his now former wife.  I was invited for a visit after numbers of sexy chats to visit them. It was learned that I was considering divorce as well.  They invited me and my son to come and join- and live with them.

The concept was not strange to me- I had lived in community before and I knew at least most of the possible downsides by then, so I was quite willing.  Only this time all the adults would be having sex.   That part was very new to me.  I wasn’t sure what to anticipate there-

All I knew was that I was very interested because there was little sex in the marriage I was coming from.  Here, from what I understood I would be free to explore anything I could ever dream of.

Before this I had never considered playing with another woman, and although I wasn’t familiar myself, I was not opposed to that either.  I am aware that now upon reflecting that I did not respond to some of the overtures she made because I did not recognize them as such.

And, I have come a long way since then.  I still have a lot more to explore and discover as well.

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

  • Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

I’m thinking that I really need to do a better job of looking ahead in these questions so I don’t answer them in advance.  At least not again . . .

Part of my answer for the previous post, Day 3, directly addresses today’s question . . .

And let’s be honest, even before I turned 12 I was doing things that were more than a little out of the ordinary. When playing “cowboys and indians” or “war” with the other neighbor kids, I wasn’t as interested in killing anyone as I was in taking captives. I wanted prisoners!

If I could get way with it, I even wanted to tie their hands together. And not only did I desire prisoners, I wanted to keep them in captivity.

I wanted to stand guard over them. I wanted to make them ask me permission for even the simplest of things, like a drink of water. And, without a doubt, the worst part of my day was quitting time, as that was the time I had to release the prisoners I’d taken earlier in the day.

So, I suppose there was always an element of what now would be considered “kink” even in my childhood play.

At least in part, I’ve already provided at least an answer to this question.

The reality is, that in retrospect, as many of the moments and accomplishments of my life as possible were turned into a form of preparation to become the dominant I am today.  Everything I have done gives a hint at my kinks.  That’s simply my own inclination.

When I want something badly enough, I find a way.  And, there’s nothing I’ve wanted in life anything more than to be a BDSM Master. Nothing.

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

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Women’s Brocade Corset & Jacket – Review

Women’s Brocade Corset & Jacket – Review

Women’s Brocade Corset & Jacket from Amazon.com

This is a delightful corset that looks smart, with a steampunk flair I very much enjoy.

It has just the right amount of feminine frill for my taste, as well as the option to feel modest with the jacket on, or more racy and daring, by simply shedding the accessory.

The Women’s Brocade Corset is a slimming in appearance with an elegantly curved mid panel.  This corset also has an over-bolero (or jacket) that covers the shoulders.  The jacket comes down far enough to cover the exposed portion of the upper back, for either comfort or modesty.

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Inside fully lined

This is a sturdy corset, well manufactured with quality materials.  It is fully lined, another sign of quality manufacturing.  The Women’s Brocade Corset & Jacket should be expected to provide an excellent lifetime of service and wear as a fashionable part of a steampunk, or Victorian styled wardrobe.

The latch detailing looks very nice, and is easier to operate than standard corset closures, but that comes with it’s own issue.  While easier to get into, they latches also have a bit of a maddening tendency to open without warning as the night progresses.  A little mindfulness helps here, if I remember to occasionally run a hand down my corst’s front, it assures tht the beautiful fancy closures actually stay closed.

Master Michael tells me it looks great all by itself!  But, pair this beauty up with a pair of pants or a skirt and you are set for a fancy night on the town.  It fit (and felt) great right out of the box and was not at all uncomfortable during it’s break in period.

This was a great surprise, being the first corset we purchased that was not custom built to my measurements.  I can say without a doubt that it spurred us on to purchase more ready-made corsets from the same source.  At last count, there were 16 different corsets in my tightlacing collection, so I can say it was very inspiring to find this affordable corset fitting my needs so well.

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Nice details

I’ve worn this corset to both a play party and a munch, it always seemed to turn heads.  It’s almost conservative in it’s feminine grace, yet it’s got a stylish flair that is both flirty and sexy.

I love it!

Evaluating fit and quality – Women’s Brocade Corset & Jacket

5 stars concerning visual aesthetics Overbust corset with Jacket

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Nice top-stitching

4 stars– fabric – texture, smoothness, color, pattern and placement smooth brocade rich brown in color with a feminine mid-panel in black.

4 stars

– finish of the binding, busk area, back grommets, and lining rear modesty panel

– thread, stitches, and stitch lines – color, length, and how straight Good tread, tight close stitching. long enough to hide my tummy flaws 4 stars

4 stars

– embellishments including garter embellishments 4 garter attachment points- garters not included, has a generous 4 inch modesty panel

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Posts are great and fringe detail

– grommets – spacing and evenness 5 steampunk front easy to close posts, lacing grommets evenly spaced 3 stars

boning – type – High quality corsets have a lot of boning 12 steel bones 4 stars

5 starslacing cord – type and color Black braided cording that laces easily.

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Ample privacy shield

3 starsHigh quality corsets look “hard” The biggest, number one indicator of real corset quality is wrinkles. Some of this is dependent on the fabric: satin, cotton, silk, polybrocade, etc.  This is not a hard brocade, but it will be just right for my need.

4 stars– price  at Amazon  $89.00 – $99.00  Price may depend on sizing.

A quick word about corsets

Quality corsets are going to cost a few bucks.  I’ve corsets in my collection ranging from $40, all the way up to a custom beauty that was $400.

Part of evaluating the fit and quality of a new (or any corset for that matter) is concern for your personal comfort.  A corset may have a reputtion in some circles as a torture device, but a well fitting corset need not be uncomfortable at all.  You need to be careful of adjusting the corset properly on your torso.

At least some discomfort will surely be experienced during the seasoning process, especially if you are unused to structured and boned garments. They feel quite different than do unstructured, flowing sports clothing made of t-shirt or stretch material. When you try on your new corset you might adopt minimal expectations about fit or comfort until you take time to adjust your corset properly.

Even then, the corset will not fit you well nor feel the best because it will be stiff and unyielding until you actually wear it a bit and “season” it, then make minor adjustments to your lifestyle and habits that work with, rather than against, a restricted tummy and less flexible torso. A rule of thumb of at least 20 to 30 separate wearings before a corset is properly “seasoned” and you are set to go out and carry out your activities of daily living in relative comfort.

I also advise donning a corset about two hours before an important event when you want to look your best and most tight-laced, yet remain in comfort.

In the future I hope to include other elements of fit in my evaluation of new corsets. These will include visual aesthetics, functionality, and durability of the corset over time with extended wear.

HedoVibes
Slippery Slopes and Trigger Warnings

Slippery Slopes and Trigger Warnings

not all triggers are on guns

This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is about triggers . . .

trigger-warnings1

The above screenshot comes from an article of The Guardian, which was linked on Twitter. If you have anything to say about trigger warnings, now is your chance. But you might want to read the article first.

The Guardian’ s article is (obviously) about the growing movement to attach “trigger warnings” to works of literature.  It’s a very good read, and as Marie said, you really should take a couple minutes to take it in, if you haven’t already.

In case you aren’t terribly familiar with the concept of “triggers”, here’s a quote from Wikipedia’s introduction to the concept of trauma triggers.

A trauma trigger is an experience that triggers a traumatic memory in someone who has experienced trauma. A trigger is thus a troubling reminder of a traumatic event, although the trigger itself need not be frightening or traumatic.

Triggers can be quite diverse, appearing in the form of individual people, places, noises, images, smells, tastes, emotions, animals, films, scenes within films, dates of the year, tones of voice, body positions, bodily sensations, weather conditions, time factors, or combinations thereof. Triggers can be subtle and difficult to anticipate, and can sometimes exacerbate post-traumatic stress disorder, a condition in which sufferers cannot control the recurrence of emotional or physical symptoms, or of repressed memory.  A trauma trigger may also be referred to as a trauma stimulus or a trauma stressor.

A trauma trigger can can manifest in a variety of forms from exhibiting a changed mental state or physical reactions. A person that is experiencing a trauma trigger may not even know this is happening.

I think that should serve as an adequate introduction to triggers for the uninitiated.   And for those inevitably unwilling to follow the link to the Guardian article, let me quote the article’s summation:

There is something more important than a society that’s free from pain. It’s a society in which we feel. That, of course, is the intention of art itself: it’s not meant to shield us from pain so much as offer a vessel through which we can cope, grow and even move past tragedy. If we warn people with a flashing red light that inside great works of literature they are likely to find pain, we do a disservice to the conversations, and the healing, meant to come through the act of reading itself.
~ Jen Doll | theguardian.com | Tuesday 20 May 2014

And, before completing this introduction let me also add one more resource.  It should be noted (and was by incredible Molly Moore of Molly’s Daily Kiss) that a New York Times article on the same topic actually preceded the May 20, 2014 piece by the Guardian.  By Jennifer Medina, it was titled Warning: The Literary Canon Could Make Students Squirm.

In terms of journalism, The NY Times article is far more the more balanced of the two.  The Guardian’s piece is more editorial in it is reporting, yet I find myself liking it more, as censorship isn’t a topic where my view is balanced.

trigger warnings are just a step down the slippery slope of censorship

If you are interested in what’s undoubtedly better quality writing on this topic, please go read the Wicked Wednesday posts that have already been made by Cara Sutra, Trigger warnings on books will censor emotional responses in the great reading experience, and Molly Moore, “Danger, Will Robinson!”.  They are rational and wise, where all I am feeling on this topic today is bad emotion.

My take on the trend towards trigger warnings will be neither balanced nor fair.  I can’t discuss this topic rationally.  It’s a pet peeve.

I despise censorship.  I hate it in all it’s forms, as it’s just a way for one person to impose their views upon another.  I don’t want to be inflammatory, but at it’s heart, censorship is intellectual fascism.

Censorship is also a slippery slope, once started down the path it’s not always possible to stop the descent from partial to total censorship.

no we aren’t talking roy rogers’ horse . . . but we could be!

I want to argue against trigger warnings first in the simple name of efficacy.  Almost anything can be a trigger, as Wikipedia points out.  The key quotation is, “Triggers can be quite diverse, appearing in the form of individual people, places, noises, images, smells, tastes, emotions, animals, films, scenes within films, dates of the year, tones of voice, body positions, bodily sensations, weather conditions, time factors, or combinations thereof. Triggers can be subtle and difficult to anticipate . . . ”

Diverse, subtle, and difficult to anticipate?  Sounds pretty hard to avoid, doesn’t it?

Censoring great literature harms only the literature, and may actually protect no one.  Memories never truly go away, they just disappear from the conscious mind to reside in our subconscious.  Therefore triggers, by their very nature aren’t going to be easy to avoid.  The subconscious mind has a way of breaking out and delivering it’s message no matter how much we might wish to repress it.

Sure, a trigger warning might prevent a passage in Shakespeare from causing someone to remember a trauma.  But in the end, the trauma doesn’t go away, it’s going to resurface, just with a different trigger.  Under that scenario, literature is harmed, and no one is really protected as a result.

What’s the point?

FetLife, censorship, trigger warnings, and me

My biggest problem with censorship is that one person’s vile, repugnant, and/or intolerable rant, is going to be another  individual’s vital information.

For instance, I find FetLife’s rule about never mentioning underage sexual activity to be difficult.  It’s not that I’m in favor of sexualizing childhood, I’m not!  But, let’s be serious – a great many of us were sexual at an age we could never mention at FetLife.  I know FetLife has reason’s for it rules, but that doesn’t mean that I agree, and can completely abide by even that form of censorship.

I am a sex abuse survivor.  All of my abuse happened before the legal age of consent in my state.  So I can’t discuss the details openly at FetLife.  I can give generalized warnings, but to go into specifics of the “seduction” and of  the abuse would violate the sites TOS.

I lost my virginity at age 13.  I will write openly about that here at my own blog, but to do so at FetLife would violate their terms of service.  My first experience combining bondage, sex, and submission was at age 17.  That’s beyond the age of consent in my state, but it’s still within the realm of US and Canadian laws regarding child pornography.  As such, real discussion of the topic is forbidden at the world’s largest social network for kinky deviants like myself.

I think there is important information to be shared from my youthful experiences.  Just because they happened when I was young doesn’t make the experience any less valid.  Writing about those experiences could be helpful to a youth who finds themselves in a similar position.  There are things I might have done to avoid the abuse I suffered, if only I’d known.  And there’s the biggest rub for me, in censoring information we find distasteful, we begin to imagine that the world is not a distasteful place to live.

I’m sorry but abuse happens.  Child abuse happens.  Sexual abuse happens.  Terrible violent things are done in the name of religion, faith, misguided belief, superstition, fear, greed, and lust.  I’m very sorry, but closing our eyes to them isn’t going to make them less likely to happen.

in protecting myself, I’m a censor, and hypocrite too

I just realized something.  And it’s a little disturbing.

My blog carries a warning.  To protect myself there’s a disclaimer at the point where a person enters my site asking that those under the age of 18 turn away.  Everything I just said about providing information for youth in trouble is rendered moot if they observe the terms of my warning.

That bothers me.  It bothers me a lot.

While it may not be a trigger warning, it’s yet another kind of censorship.  It’s an example of what I just found myself ranting against, as I said that I dislike censorship in all it’s forms.

My final point is that it’s easy to point fingers, but perhaps a bit harder to put ourselves under the microscope.

I understand why I can’t discuss my teenage exploits at FetLife, they don’t want the legal liability they would incur in hosting such a discussion.  I’m comfortable discussing generalities about my background here at my own blog, although I am careful to never give specifics about the sex acts from that time.  There are lines I won’t cross either.  But that doesn’t mean others should not be free to cross them, should they wish.

I believe in real freedom of expression, I hate censorship with a passion.  Yet, I stand before you revealing myself to be a censor and a hypocrite too.  The world itself sometimes forces us into compromises we don’t like, so it’s not always clear where to draw lines.  We all do the best we can, and hope . . .

the truth is complex, and it’s not pretty

Trigger warnings themselves are nothing but a step down the slippery slope of censorship, the path to book banning and burning.

In part, that’s true because the modern world is a wildly confusing place.  The terrible things humanity is capable of are astounding. The wonderful things humanity is capable of are equally astounding.  We must acknowledge both sides of that coin.

If we don’t recognize the former, if we turn a blind eye to all that disturbs, we might actually detract from the later.  In other words, we can’t celebrate the great achievements and accomplishments of humanity without putting them also into the context of some of our least attractive adventures.

The pinnacles we achieve only show their real height when we also acknowledge the depths from which we’ve come.

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Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Day 4: Serafina’s 30 Days of Kink

Day 4: Serafina’s 30 Days of Kink

Early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks

 

Early experiences were there but not recognized  till later in life by myself.

serafina-spanked I have always been sexual from as far back as I can remember – about the age of 3 my mother laid me down for a nap with my sister the new baby was already sleeping.  It was a hot summer day, no central air- heck! no air conditioning even considered in our Saskatchewan farm house.

I had on a little cotton petticoat no knickers.  I was laying with one leg under the quilt, and one over.  I noticed the silky soft feeling between mt legs if I moved my body just so.  It felt so nice  and all at once I felt this delightful “tickle” that made me shiver.

I tried to find that tickle again, but it was not to be found again that day.  I remember trying on consecutive days to recreate that lovely tickle, but I honestly can not remember if I was successful.  It only occurred to me about the time I hit 50 that I’d actually had an orgasm.

AS I continued to grow and work and do chores  on the farm I would always wear skirts- by an enforced tradition in my parents home, and summers were often bare-bottomed while at home.  We raised geese, turkeys and chickens by incubating fertile eggs and goslings are one of the most favorite of mine.  They imprint on the first thing that they see moving right at the time of hatching.  In our case it is humans.

I found it great satisfaction to lead the goslings from an enclosed pen into the grass to let the graze.  They love to snuggle and they crawl all over my lap when I sat down and they nibble- tasting everything.  The bills of a young gosling is rubbery and soft.  Unlike their adult beaks which are strong, hard and powerful with razor edge.  They can pack a wallop of a bite leaving amazing bruises that last for weeks.

That is when a sly idea was born- I wondered what those soft rubbery beaks might feel like on my pussy lips.  hummm!  Well they weren’t  green and they didn’t seem edible to them so it was difficult to get them interested.  But their soft down was feeling just fine.  I do remember one of them taking a little nibble and it was delightful.

all this in the middle of an afternoon in the exposed farm-yard, but no one ever discovered my little secret.  I was very aware of being sexual even if I never associated being sexual with being Kinky- but I suppose it was.

Preparing the Body

Preparing the Body

The lede for this week’s TMI Tuesday:

Preparing the Body

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1. Do you prefer your lover:

a) fresh from the bath and perfumed?
b) fresh from the bath without perfume?
c) clean but not right from the tub or shower?
d) slightly sweaty (or musky)?

 

My answer is all but a) fresh from the bath and perfumed?  Cleanliness is all important.  I do like perfumed scents, however it has to be just a HINT and not a strong scent.   Nothing is yummier to me than a freshly cleaned body bathed or showered.  I do enjoy scents especially when going out for dinner, etc, and there is nothing wrong with musky and sweaty, but I personally need a clean cock for a blow-job.

2. Do you maintain your body for sex with respect to facial hair, body hair, pubic hair, fingernails or toenails?

 

I love well-groomed facial hair on a man, I love an unshaven man below the belt too!

Yes, I epilate frequently- probably once a week, as hairs are slower to return and there is no razor burn, or sharp whiskers to deal with.  A fine down grows back in and they are too soft and short before a week at least.  Often a 2 week interval is more likely.  Underarms- more frequently for sure.

I am fortunate to have very little body hair and since I have always been a true blond, it has never been an issue for me.  All the other girls were complaining about shaving their legs in High School at that time.

My hands are a mess-  I get very bad split and bleeding cuticles and hang-nails regardless of consistently using water barrier creams and lotions.  I am constantly in and out of water and messes as I clean and go about my day.  Master sends me to a nail salon for any occasion he chooses for a pedi and mani-cure.  It makes me feel very special to have nice looking hands for a few days. ( I think my hands are the least attractive part of me.)  From time to time I attempt my own- but it never comes out as nice and it takes hours!

 

3. Do you maintain/prepare according to your lover’s preferences?

 

There are times when Master tells me that I am to refrain from removing body hair for some time.  Once in a while he lets me know he is due to arrive in a specific time frame and I will wait at the door until Master arrives.  Sometimes I have enough time to change into something more attractive which pleases Master.

 

4. Do you have body adornments such as piercings or tattoos for sexual reasons? Does your lover?

 

I have a nose piercing that was the very first mark Master made to lay claim on me when we first met.  It was something I had already considered and Master seized  the opportunity to make that event his own.  At the same time he had his left nipple pierced for me.

 

5. Do you choose any cosmetics, lubes, condoms or other sexually relevant items according to how they taste? Do you not use them because of the taste?

 

In short no- most cosmetics I buy do not have scents, nor do I want them there due to allergy concerns.  We are fluid-bonded so we don’t use condoms as we are beyond the ability to conceive.   If ever we play with people we don’t know we always use protection

 

6. Is there a taste or aroma that turns you on or that you can use to turn on your lover?

 

I have come to appreciate the value of coconut oil as a lube that is perfectly fine for oral uses as well. and the hint of coconut is quickly becoming my favorite!

 

Bonus: Do you prepare a room for sex–mood music, candles, scent, cleaning it or anything? Tell us about it.

 

Oh yes!  A room cleared of clutter, and clean is an invite all to it’s own.  Music background or a Kink.com film can inspire.  Candles,  a snack and beverage all set the stage.  Toys surround us; from floggers, whips to clips, clamps and and spiky things all within reach.  And of course most importantly to be in a good place mentally.

 

TMI Tuesday blog
How did you discover you were kinky?

How did you discover you were kinky?

  • How did you discover you were kinky?

While I think it’s true that some people have a special “ah-ha” moment where they discover their own personal kinky nature, it is pretty hard to go back to remember a time when I wasn’t kinky.  That’s true, if for no other reason, than it was so very long ago.

I’m really only 50 years old, but going back in time to a place before I knew I had twisted kinky desires is a pretty long trip.

We’d need to go back at least 38 years to find a time before I’d discovered my own kink.  Ironically, that’s the same number of years our new love Sinnja has been on the planet.

No doubt I was a precocious lad for my era, at age 13 I lost my virginity to the daughter of my mother’s best friend.  And, at that point I was already having fantasies that involved bondage and discipline.  So, to find that that first moment, to answer the question – How did you discover you were kinky? – we’ve got to go back to when I was 12 years old.

And let’s be honest, even before I turned 12 I was doing things that were more than a little out of the ordinary.  When playing “cowboys and indians” or “war” with the other neighbor kids, I wasn’t as interested in killing anyone as I was in taking captives.  I wanted prisoners!

If I could get way with it, I even wanted to tie their hands together. And not only did I desire prisoners, I wanted to keep them in captivity.

I wanted to stand guard over them.   I wanted to make them ask me permission for even the simplest of things, like a drink of water.   And, without a doubt, the worst part of my day was quitting time, as that was the time I had to release the prisoners I’d taken earlier in the day.

So, I suppose there was always an element of what now would be considered “kink” even in my childhood play.  But, to find the closest thing I have to an “ah-ha” moment where I can properly answer, “How did you discover you were kinky?”, we’d have to go back to something like early 1976.

Like losing my virginity, my first moment of kinky awareness came with a girl I had a crush on at the time, my mother’s best friend’s daughter.  Her name was Shelly, and it seemed we were thrown together a lot, being the children of friends who spent lots and lots of time socializing.

I remember it was a Saturday night, as Shelly and I were laying in her parent’s bed watching an episode of Saturday Night Live together.  Shelly’s father had an extensive collection of Playboy and Penthouse magazines, we often entertained ourselves looking through them, although we usually waited until the adults had a few drinks under their belts before starting that form of entertainment.

We liked to share pictures we enjoyed with each other as we paged through the magazines together.  Shelly had an awesome eye for great photos of women[ 2. I suppose I should not be at all surprised that she grew up to be a lesbian?] but this night she opened the magazine to a story, and asked me to read it.

At first I was a little perplexed and even off put.  I honestly thought the line about reading the articles in Playboy and Penthouse was a complete joke.  I was studying the pictures in my own magazine – for science – giving myself female anatomy lessons!  Who had time to read?

But Shelly was right, this particular story was really good.  It was the tale of a husband and wife who decided to spice up their sex lives with some bondage, and it ended with her essentially becoming his sex slave on weekends.  The story introduced all sorts of interesting ideas for future fantasy sessions.

I remember he created what would be the equivalent of sensory deprivation using a pillow case for a hood, cotton clothesline for bondage, and oven mitts as gloves to prevent her from using fingers to untie herself. If I remember correctly, the story also included his best friend joining the storyteller for some hot action with the bound and helpless wife on Saturday nights.

It was very hot stuff.  It was very impressive to an impressionable 12 year old.

At that moment I knew what I wanted!

I wanted to be THAT man.  I wanted to be the story teller.  More than anything in the world, at that moment, I wanted to have a woman I could control,  bind and tie, tease and torment.  I wanted to recreate everything in the story for myself, piece by piece, moment by moment.

That was my “ah-ha” moment, my time of realization.  Oh yes, like any young boy I wanted to experience sex.  I’d settle for vanilla sex if I had to.  But the flame had been kindled.

Still today, I am inescapably drawn to that same flame . . .

how did you discover you were kinky?

How-did-you-discover-you-were-kinky

Day 3: Serafina’s 30 Days of Kink

Day 3: Serafina’s 30 Days of Kink

How did you discover you were kinky? DSCN2538

I suppose there is latent or otherwise a kinky side in everyone.

I was no different.

I certainly had imaginary encounters with fictional characters or infatuations of real people.

I don’t think one awakes one day and realizes they are kinky.

I think it gradually dawns on folks.

I know it has with me.

I am aware that it is still dawning in a way.

Nearly every day there is a kink nuance to explore or discover. I have only admitted to being kinky in the past 12 years and that is a credit to the the man I proudly call Master today.

Master Michael is a true Dominant and Leader in that he wants what suits him, but he also wants to push for the very best person I could ever choose to be for him. He has opened doors to me that I could never have given myself permission for.

This in turn has developed increasing trust and respect that continues to grow and be tested.

How did you discover YOUR kink?