I’m like Captain Ahab – meet my whale!
I’m all for continuing sexual education. I honestly believe that a little bit of knowledge can go a long way. It’s like the old adage – give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, teach him how to fish and he’ll eat forever. Learning sexual skills will payback with a lifetime of pleasure.
This blog is, in fact, all about exploring that particular theme . . .
But, I’m not above slaughtering the occasional sacred cow from time to time either. Heck, let’s be honest, I’m probably not content to just slaughter the beast. I’ve got to put it on a spit and roast it too. Tastes good cooked to a nice medium rare, that sacred cow does.
And, I have to be honest, I’m a bit like Captain Ahab. I have a special weakness now for a particular beast. I don’t have an obsession like Ahab, but I do admit to having a specific weakness for a particular personality. My white whale is Midori. I’ve never met the woman. I’m sure she’s charming, talented and charismatic. She has a HUGE following, no less than 4,473 friends on FetLife. She holds classes and demonstrations all around the world.
Heck, I’ve contributed to the phenomena. I own her first book. And, believe it or not, I actually suggested to a Canadian friend who was a marijuana breeder that a cannabis strain be named after Midori. My friend said the weed left him immobilized, almost like he’d been in bondage. I’d just purchased her book, so it was a very short trip for me to go to using her as a name for a strain of medical marijana. So, if you were to do a search including the terms “Mistress Midori” and “marijuana” you just might find statements like this . . .
The most narcotic I’ve tried was Mistress Midori(Herijuana X Black Domina). It was like vicodin weed. So I would try Herijuana or Black Domina, but have a couch nearby.
Midori (the Mistress not the Marijuana) is also over-hyped and over-priced. Thankfully, she’s currently over there1, across the pond, in jolly old England.
Thar She Blows – Midori!
Midori appeared last week at the luxury lingerie boutique, Petits Bisous, in Chelsea, where she gave a demonstration titled How To Thrill A Man With Midori. Here’s the text of the notice for her appearance.
Petits Bisous is once again proud to bring you Midori, the internationally acclaimed educator of fulfilled sensual living, for a series of salons to enhance your pleasures, relationships and personal satisfactions.
Midori returns to London with her acclaimed salon How To Thrill a Man. Join her for this in-depth training on pleasuring your guy with hands, mouth and more! Using delicious practice props (think fruit!) you’ll learn all about the sucks, licks, swirls, strokes and touch secrets that will blow his mind. Midori will even cover tips on how to reduce discomforts or gag reflexes. These sensual tricks promise to blow his mind and make the pleasure last for a long time!
Petits Bisous will be open from 6:30pm for guests to enjoy drinks before the salon starts at 7pm.
The boutique will remain open until 9:30pm, during which time guests can enjoy a 20% discount on all purchases made on the evening.
The cost for the event is £80.00, which converts to $133, at today’s conversion rate. I’m not sure how long the event runs, but if the salon starts at 7pm and the boutique closes at 9:30, it can’t be more than a two hour demo.
Excuse me, but the cost really gets to me. I attend three and four day events here in the states for that price. Events that include classes from multiple educators, and very real demos, not just demos on fruit. The fisting demo at Kinky Kollege actually included a fistee. That’s the direction the best demos are going in these days, real hands on experience for the classroom.
But with Midori, you get to eat fruit.
my issues with Midori
One reason I have a problem with this particular demo, is it tends to forward the stereotype that oral sex is somehow dirty or shameful. I mean, there’s no need to use fruit for a demo model unless a person is very squeamish about actual representation of genitalia. Sex educators (at least in my opinion) owe it to our students to teach that oral sex is both normal and natural. It’s my opinion that her students would get a lot more out of a class using anatomically correct models. Sorry Midori, but sucking a banana isn’t going to teach a woman how to tickle her man’s frenulum!
I also object to the fact that Midori’s class is so damned hetero-centric. No men are invited to attend. I understand that her class is working on the same model as Curves International, the fitness chain that only allows women in it’s membership. But, it seems terribly sexist to dismiss an entire gender from a demo, not to mention unnecessary. Did Midori ever consider that some guys out there might enjoy and benefit from a cock sucking demo? Are English birds really that hung up that a bisexual man in the audience would totally squick them out? Frankly, I would never consider teaching a cunnilingus class without a woman present to answer questions, how can a BJ class really cover the topic without a man?
Really though, in the grand scheme of things, those are minor complaints. My biggest issue with Midori goes back to an incident in Australia that occurred at das Ubel Cabaret on October 3rd, 2011 . It was documented by my r0pemaking friend Hebari, who attended the event. I discussed the incident not long after it happened at my old SpiritualBDSM.com blog. My commentary on the incident ran to three posts in length: accidents don’t happen, they are caused . . . ; accidents don’t happen – pt 2 – learn from this!; and the drop heard round the world – accidents don’t happen – pt. 3.
Extensive statements were given by the victim of the suspension fail incident, an experienced Domme in her own right. The story was told in it’s entirety by the victim of Midori’s error at Fetlife. I do suggest you read it there – statement regarding das Ubel Cabaret by Mistress Tokyo, but I will provide an excerpt here for context, as many don’t bother to follow links:
What happened fact by fact is thus; I was tied by Midori in suspension bondage as a human puppet. Midori tied a slipknot on my sole load bearing suspension line, causing me to fall out of suspension onto the bare concrete floor. Thanks to luck, I fell in such a way that the full force of the fall was distributed relatively evenly. Unfortunately, due to the fact that my hands were tied up, I was not able to shield my head from slamming into the ground at full force. On witnessing my fall Midori failed to check in with me, either verbally or physically, and continued with the show. I was in shock at the time, but I believe we continued the show until it was apparent I was bleeding from the head. Upon this, Midori assisted me off stage.
My chin took the brunt of the impact of the fall, resulting in a deep inch long cut. I went to hospital and received three stitches. Cone beam CT scans resolved I had sustained no serious damage to my head, neck or jaw. My front teeth in my lower jaw have been slightly re-arranged, I’ve clicking in my right jaw joint and a permanent facial scar. Essentially, I got off lightly. I can report that Midori has paid my medical expenses. I credit my years of Aikido and Jyujitsu training in break and high falling with saving my neck.
Personally, I strongly feel how this accident was dealt with showed how suspension bondage accidents SHOULD NOT be managed. I feel this situation purveyed the worst response that could be offered in reaction to a potentially grave accident. Additionally, I’d like to distance myself, both personally and professionally, from how this incident was dealt with.
Ouch! So many things wrong there . . .
Midori also wrote about the incident, at Eden Fantasies – The Suspension Accident: It Finally Happened… I’ll quote a portion of Midori’s statement on the issue here as well, for those who inevitably won’t follow the link and read the essay in it’s entirety:
The reality is, I’m simply lucky something like this didn’t happen sooner. One of the things we forget when we get into the play space is no matter how many of those classes you’ve taken (or in my case, taught), no matter how many knots you’ve tied, or how many scenes you’ve negotiated, it never becomes perfectly safe. After twenty years of public and private rope play, I was reminded of a single, brutal truth — a truth of which few dare to speak: if you do kink long enough, you will have a scene go bad, sometimes horrifically bad.
Mountain climbers and motorcyclists alike have their own version of that rule. There are two kinds of bikers; those who’ve crashed their bikes, and those who haven’t crashed their bikes yet. But in the kink milieu, we’re silent about the risk. The workshops and guidebooks become incantations that will protect us from harm with mystical infallibility. Bad things only happen to the newbies and the tourists, not real kinksters who know what they’re doing — so goes the unspoken faith. Because mishaps and accidents reside in the realm of the hypothetical, when it becomes real and personal, we’re often not prepared.
The woman I dropped was my co-performer at a fetish dinner theater; two hundred plus guests in elegant attire were watching us. One minute, she was flying through the air, her graceful arms flowing. The next, she was on the floor. I had a nanosecond of bafflement, and then it hit me:
I dropped her.
That’s a serious fuck-up. Yes, we are human and capable of making mistakes, but simple attention to proper technique prevents problems like securing an entire suspension with a slip-knot!
I certainly take umbrage at the apparently fatalistic attitude Midori exhibits. A person who uses proper technique would never (and I really do mean NEVER) consider an accident like this to be inevitable. To portray this sort of incident as “inevitable” seems like an excellent way to discourage criticism. To be very honest, I see the statement in a different light than most folks.
I was the political equivalent of a “spin doctor” in my previous life. I wrote statements like these so that politicians would appear apologetic and contrite after their mistakes. Usually the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s an art to write those kinds of statements, they are carefully crafted with public relations always in mind. To my eye, Midori’s statement about the drop is an excellent example of that art in actual practice. She appears apologetic and contrite, while actually dismissing her own error as something that was inevitable.
One of the reasons I have such a strong, almost unyielding attitude of zero tolerance for sloppy suspension technique is due to my background as a rock climber. I used to teach climbing and rappelling technique, much as I mentor others in the art of BDSM today. The first thing I taught my fellow climbers was that, at the heart of the hobby, we were putting our lives in the hands of the person on the other end of the belay rope. A mere microsecond of inattention, of distraction, could cost a person their life. There was no room for error.
And lets be honest, if a famous rock climber used a slip knot to secure a climbing harness, then dropped their victim on their head due to knot failure, they would suddenly find themselves very short on future climbing partners. That kind of sloppiness has consequences, especially when lives are at stake. And, if the unsafe climber would have dared to say that such an accident was inevitable, the chorus of laughter that ensued would have drowned out the rest of the self serving excuses Mr Slip-Knot might have offered.
So, it has come to pass that Midori, and her continued celebrity, have become a bit of a sore point with me. Personally, I think that a sex educator who drops someone at a demo is more suited to flipping burgers under a pair of yellow arches than to be charging $100+ for a class on sucking off fruit. Excuse the pun, but apparently Midori has rediscovered a universal truth, there really is a sucker born every minute!
EDIT / ADDITION . . .
Yesterday, I was contacted by a fellow blogger who wished to set the story straight on some of the particulars of the classes Midori teaches. Because this post was my submission for e[lust] this month, the comments are full of pingbacks. I didn’t want the note from SheBoppin to get lost among those, so I asked her permission to amend this post, to add her perspective to the piece. She agreed, so here goes . . .
I’m writing in response to your post about Midori. I can’t speak to the parts of your post about the suspension. I do agree that she seemed to be deflecting or not be taking as much responsibility as she should have with her response. But the reason I’m writing to you is to clarify something about Midori’s classes. I’ve worked at several sex shops that host classes with many different sex educators. And of course, Midori’s classes always sell out. But she doesn’t chose the cost. The shop does. I’ve seen the how to thrill a man class many times at different shops. I have never seen it at that price here in the states. But the prices did vary from shop to shop. Midori has her own agreements with the shop and the shop of course is till trying to profit from the classes. I’ve seen that same workshop around $20-35. It is also not up to Midori who gets to attend the class. The shop decides who they are catering to. One time there was a guy who wanted to go to the class last minute, but it was already sold out. Midori was eager to make more space, hoping he could attend. She even made an announcement to the women right before the workshop to bring their guy friends next time. I think Petits Bisous should take more of the fault for the things you mentioned.
Thank you SheBoppin, for the added perspective from an individual who has insight into the business behind the classes.
My perspective, as a business man, is that if Midori wanted to, she could easily choose to set the cost, and set the conditions behind the classes she teaches. She’s the brand name and the product, she could very easily say, “I teach my classes only under the following conditions.” So, ultimately Midori is herself responsible for the conditions she works under – deferring the choice to another is a choice Midori makes, and that does not absolve her of responsibility for the conditions set by the business she is contracted with for the particular presentation.
In other words, Midori could have set the conditions for her appearance at Petits Bisous, she is the presenter. She choose to allow Petits Bisous to set the conditions instead, but she’s still ultimately responsible for the conditions under which she teaches, she’s the presenter. She has the ability to choose the conditions under which she teaches, she chooses not to as a part of marketing her presentations.
- referencing the old British line about Yanks during WWII – that we were “over payed, over sexed, and over there! ↩