- Nervous? – Wicked Wednesday #87
- Decisions? They Are Mine!
- The First Time Serafina Was Shared
- Balancing Pain And Pleasure
- I got a prayer with a girl . . .
- Hidden Problems
- Communicate and Educate
- Alone Together Again
- Energy Antennae
- “S” is for Safe Sex
- My Leather Family Comes Full Circle
- There Once Was a Chance I Didn’t Take
- Beyond Considering Sinnja
- Slippery Slopes and Trigger Warnings
- Jealousy – the Green Eyed Monster
- YKINMK – Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok)
- Charlotte! (Rhymes with Harlot)
- What Do You Doubt?
- If Orange is the New Black Then Black is the New White
- Sending Smoke Signals
- The difficult truth!
This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt seems directed towards writers of erotica. That’s a talent I do not claim to have.
I’m a non-fiction guy. I blog about my life, my loves, my passions.
It’s hard for me to imagine a life more fulfilled than the one I’m living. And there’s the rub.
I’m not interested in writing about a life less fulfilled then mine, and I’m not quite capable of imagining a life more fulfilled. So, I don’t write fiction.
That makes the prompt for this week a little difficult for me . . .
What are some safe sex practices that you include in your writing? Do you think this bit of realistic sex should be captured in erotica? While many stories are fantastical, normalizing condoms, dental dams, for oral and penetrative sex can be educational to some readers. Try your hand at writing a piece about safe sex, perhaps one that meets the characters where they are at, for the forms of safe(r) sex run the gamut.
Because I write non-fiction, and not erotica, I write about safe sex as a simple matter of fact thing. Because this isn’t fiction, it’s not a topic I need a prompt to post about. In fact quite the opposite.
One of the earliest posts on this blog was Adventures in STD Screening, the story of visiting our local public health clinic for testing last year. Soon after, when I had three other pieces on STD’s waiting to be published, Serafina asked me quietly, “Master, do you want people to think our blog is about STD’s? There’s so much more you write about.” She’s a wise woman, and her point was well taken.
I decided to post once a month on the topic of STD’s and safe sex. In Feburary, I wrote about Super Gonorrhea, and the specter of antibiotic resistant STI’s someday being untreatable with the antibiotics we’ve all come to depend on for fighting an entire myriad of infections. In March, I wrote about a slightly more whimsical subject, Ciguatera – When Food Poisoning Becomes a STD.
Now it’s April, meaning the prompt from Wicked Wednesday is timely, even if it isn’t directed so much at non-fiction bloggers. I’ve got another essay, or two, on the topic in the wings waiting to be published, but today I just want to say a few things. I’m just going to be blunt.
Safe sex matters.
Safe sex matters because of viruses like HIV and Hepatitis. Safe sex matters because of bacterial STI’s like gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia. Safe sex matters because health and lives are at risk.
People talk about “old guard leather” with reverence, wanting to take all sorts of lessons from their protocols and behaviors. I don’t want to get into my feelings about that right now, because most of what people think “old guard” represents is a myth. And, it seems to me that are forgetting the most important lesson of them all to be learned from that era and culture.
The reason the “old guard” myths even came into existence is that many of the “old guard” passed prematurely. Their ranks were devastated by the spread of HIV. Huge numbers of the “old guard” died horrible deaths caused by the ravages of AIDS. They died for the same reasons people still have unsafe sex today.
Safe sex isn’t always convenient. And, I’m going to be honest here, safe sex is not always hot either. Oh we can pretend, we can even create prompts for writing fiction that celebrates the eroticism of safe sex. But for some of us that’s going to fall flat. Horribly flat.
We want to taste out lovers. We want to feel their presence, in us, around us, or on us. And not through a piece of fucking latex! We want our lover’s essence inside us, or we want to plant our essence inside them. It’s a basic human desire, and pretending otherwise, attempting to eroticize dental dams and condoms, is always going to fall flat with a certain audience.
I’m part of that audience.
I want to cum in my lover’s mouth, not into a latex scumbag. I want to kiss her, my face coated and sticky with her juices. I’m not going to settle for anything less. I want to fuck her and cum in her, not into a piece of plastic.
But, the only way I can do that, and be safe, is to be very careful. I can’t be indiscriminate, and I can’t be reckless. It’s not just my health at risk, but my decisions effect Serafina. My decisions will effect Sinnja too, now that she’s agreed to wear my collar.
That’s why I practice “polyamory” only inside the context of a loving committed relationship. That’s why I work so hard to build real trust, and why I move carefully and cautiously in my play and sexual adventures.
Even as a committed polyamorist, there are ways for me to be free to practice so called “unsafe sex” and still be quite safe. It’s called being “fluid bonded”. People who are fluid bonded are essentially a closed circle of lovers who have agreed to limit any activities involving exposure to body fluids to within that circle.
There are nuances, as with anything in life. Some fluid bonded circles are absolutely closed. No sex allowed outside that circle. Others allow safe sex outside the fluid bonded circle as long as condoms, dental dams, etc are used.
The biggest factor making a fluid bonded circle difficult to maintain is trust. If anyone breaks the circle, suddenly everyone in the circle is at risk. It takes extreme responsibility to be part of such a circle, no doubt about that.
But the rewards? Well those are priceless . . .