This week’s “Throwback Thursday” posting was originally posted at SpiritualBDSM.com back on 12/19/11.
I selected it for posting today, not only because I think it’s a good essay, worthy of inclusion here, but also because it seems a timely addition to a current discussion.
|I read the comment, “The ultimate deal breaker, I love my hair.”|
I was over at tumblr.com this morning, surveying all the lovely kinky images people have shared at that site, when I ran across the accompanying picture. As is common with tumblr, there are no credits or copyright information, so I have no idea who created this stunning image[ 2. lovely, smart, and sexy goddess of the Scavenger Hunt found the original source of the picture – Red Acedia Posture Collar
by AntisepticFashion.] I don’t know who made the stunning collar, nor do I know the identity of the model.
What I do know is this – the comment that accompanied the photo made me chuckle. When sharing the picture, the author of the tumblr blog bigirlfantasy said:
The ultimate deal breaker, I love my hair.
Please don’t misunderstand, in chuckling at this comment I’m not making fun of anyone’s limits or taking a jab at this individual. Far from it. In fact, I’m sure there are a lot of ladies, and some men too, that would balk at having their head shaved.
I’m just a lot more used to hearing or seeing different kinds of things as “hard limits” – kids, animals, scat, watersports, bloodsports, etc. So it’s simply that this isn’t one of the common limits I’ve seen listed.
Because it wasn’t what I expected, it made me think. It struck a chord. It made me think.
Now, I probably need to tell you that a good “think” often causes me to chuckle. If nothing else, I laugh at the absurdity of life, and how serious and dear we sometimes hold transitory things. Thing like hair and physical beauty are fleeting, impermanent. How and why do the matter so much?
With that said, the real reason I write this short essay isn’t to riff on metaphysics, it’s to discuss limits, and to say that all limits are sacrosanct.
sacred – holy – inviolable
There are two basic kinds of limits, Hard Limits and Soft Limits. They are similar, yet very different.
Hard Limits are kind of like a fallout zone. When you go there you can’t see the radioactivity or feel it, but trust me, it will fry you just the same. Go there once and you are pretty much toast, done, finished, kaput. It’s over baby!
The catchphrase to remember for the deadly nature of hard limits – “Avoid Like the Plague!”
Soft Limits are a slightly different animal. They are also sacred and sacrosanct, but they aren’t necessarily deadly. Instead of being absolutely disgusting, Soft Limits are usually scary things, forbidden or taboo, yet things for which we feel both attraction and dread. There are times where soft limits can even be potent fantasy material.
Soft Limits can be approached, discussed, pondered, evaluated, and even negotiated.
As an experienced dominant, I enjoy helping a submissive challenge their soft limits. If you are a young or inexperienced dominant, this is territory to avoid. Before somebody thinks to themselves, “These old dominants always want to keep all the good stuff for themselves,” please give me a moment to explain.
Pushing limits is not something I’d suggest for new and inexperienced dominants, because they need to need to know the great wealth of experiences to be had and enjoyed without ever approaching any kind of limit. I see BDSM as an “additive journey” – each successive step you immerse yourself in makes the final whole that much greater and rewarding. The beginning dominant robs themselves of many wonderful experiences and much potential pleasure by trying to skip to the head of some imaginary line.
Newer dominants need to have experienced and resolved what to do when a scene goes wrong or falls apart before approaching or pushing limits. BDSM is a rewarding lifestyle, at least in part because it involves skills that come only with time and experience. And please remember, “Mastery” isn’t something that is bestowed upon a person as a birthright, it’s not an exercise in self nomination, or a declaration one makes, it’s an accumulation of a lifetime of accrued skills and knowledge.
Please remember, even when you are experienced and comfortable in BDSM, even when you know you are ready to start, anxious to begin exploring this aspect of dominance and submission, playing with soft limits needs to be a slow, careful, and thoughtful process.
I guess a good analogy would be to say pushing soft limits is a lot like butt sex, assuming that ass fucking is not a hard limit …
Like with anal sex, It’s best not to push too much, if at all when playing with a soft limit. Instead it’s far better to let the submissive relax into everything. Always use patience, care and love, to help your submissive or slave get comfortable with the pleasure she can receive …
Now, as for shaved heads on women, I do think they are sexy.
Having her head shaved is not a limit for my slave/wife Serafina. We discussed this a few months back when I discovered that bondage ropemaker Twisted Monk enjoyed shaving women’s heads. I even have a plan.
Her head will be shaved the year I finally retire, the first year I no longer work for pay.
At that point, we will begin spending most of our time travelling together in an RV. Our plan is to spend the better part of most of those “golden years” on the road, exploring North America, having kinky adventures, visiting old friends and meeting new ones.
It’s a long time away, at least 20 years for me, but I’m already making plans for travelling and living in a “mobile dungeon.” I’m already investing in travel cases for all my BDSM gear, organizing everything with help from a company called For Your Nymphomation.
And I’m already fantasizing about teasing Serafina with the cool air of the RV’s air conditioner, asking her how it feels on the naked flesh covering her skull. Won’t she be quite the sight, pumping gas for me, her bare head accentuating the very obvious thick steel collar locked around her neck?