000143colorswirlI’m disappointed.

That’s the bad news.  The good news is, that my disappointment is internal.  I’m upset with myself.

I haven’t been reaching the writing goals I’ve set for myself.  In fact, I’m nowhere close to writing as much as I’d prefer.  Now, it should be noted that I have a good excuse.  I’ve been in excruciating pain since late April.

My problem is a sciatica issue.  I’ve got a bulging disc in my lower back that’s pressing on a nerve.  The result, I am sad to say, is severe chronic pain.

Not just your typical run of the mill back pain, I’ve lived with that most of my adult life.  I’ve learned to manage my back pain relatively effectively, if nothing else I’ve managed (mostly) to limit it’s side-effects on the rest my life.

The sciatica pain I’ve been experiencing?  Well that’s another story!  It’s absolutely unmanageable.  The pain shooting down my leg like I have a nerve on fire is bad enough by itself, but the associated muscle cramps in my legs are what are really killing me.

It seems I can’t sleep more than a couple of hours these days without my legs cramping up enough to create excruciating pain.  No amount of massage, no amount of stretching, is ever enough to give me relief for more than a few minutes time.

So, I’ve been in chronic pain that’s at the limit of my ability to endure.  The sciatica pain has even effected my ability to sleep.

Heck, who am I kidding?  The sciatica pain has effected everything in my life, and I do mean everything!  There have been mornings where it took 30 minutes of stretching just to be able to crawl out of bed.  If that’s how the day starts, there’s no end of the side effects the rest of my life will have to endure.

No doubt then, my sciatica pain has effected my ability to write.  Suffering agonizing pain is never going to provide inspiration for me.  And, sitting on my ass at a desk gets uncomfortable fast right now.  The time it’ taken me to write this short piece was enough to elicit additional symptoms.

In theory I’m on the road to recovery.  I’ve had an MRI and confirmed the suspicion of a bulging disc.  I’ve started physical therapy.  The next step medically is the pain clinic for cortisone injection.

The next step personally, is lots and lots of walking.  I’ve been averaging over two mile per day, have had days where I’ve logged close to five miles.  It’s the one place I get any sort of relief for the pain without resorting to drugs I’d prefer not to take.  Masking pain is necessary to a point.  It’s hard to heal when pain prevents sleep.  But, I despise the side effects of opiates and their derivatives, so I take as few Vicodin as humanly possible.

I look forward to the day when my writing projects here can resume full bore.  Until then, I’ll muddle through things the best I can.  Isn’t that how life usually works?

Michael's Musings #$@&%*! Sciatica!?!
%d bloggers like this: