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Introduction to 30 Days of Kink

tackling another blogging meme

This entry is part 1 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael

I made it through the Blogging from A to Z Challenge back in April.  It was a lot of fun. I got to write some really nice essays for my site.  In fact, one of them – “O” is for Outlaw No More – was picked by the judges at e[lust] as one of the top three sex blogger posts for the month of April.

Without a doubt, the challenge was good inspiration.

And, it was a good intellectual exercise for me as well.  All in all, it was great fun and a good experience.  I even plan to do it again next year.

Of the four full months my blog’s been in existence, I’ve already had two full months with a daily meme.  Not only did I take part in the A to Z Challenge, I also was in on February Photo Fest.

Many of the folks who took part in the A to Z Challenge are taking a well deserved rest about now.  I mean, it’s a lot of work to create good content for a blog every day, week upon week without end.  It’s easy to burn out when blogging for that kind of schedule, especially when there’s also my real world business to run.

So, I’ve taken some time off too.  My own posting during the month of May has been a little bit sparse.  Some of that was recovering from the intensity of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.  And, in part, I’ve been preoccupied by the blossoming relationship with Sinnja.

And, truth be told, Serafina is without a doubt the real priority in my life, this blog will always play second fiddle to her needs.  I mean this blog is quite important to me, but my slave/wife is IMPORTANT!  

With that said, we’ve cancelled all of our previous event plans for June.  Due to the burgeoning relationship with Sinnja, we re-prioritized some of our summer travel plans, and won’t be cavorting at Twisted Tryst in June, at least not this year.  So this appears to be an opportune time to undertake another significant writing project, and the 30 Days of Kink meme is a perfect fit.

And, as an added bonus, Serafina is planning to join in with her own 30 days of Kink too!  I’m creating a separate series for her, as a list containing 60 posts would get more than a little bit unwieldy to navigate.

The 30 Days of Kinkmichael-samadhi-004

  • Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
  • Day 2: List your kinks.
  • Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?
  • Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
  • Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
  • Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
  • Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?
  • Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.
  • Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
  • Day 10: What are your hard limits?
  • Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?
  • Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
  • Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
  • Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
  • Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
  • Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
  • Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
  • Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
  • Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
  • Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
  • Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
  • Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
  • Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
  • Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
  • Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
  • Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
  • Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
  • Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
  • Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
  • Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you?

Day 1 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 2 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

In terms of my kink identity, I am probably best described as a two sided coin.  One side is dominant, the other is sadistic.  In all things kink, however, I do look to achieve at least a modicum of personal mastery.

I’m not sure which side of my personality is stronger.  Perhaps they are truly equally balanced, on most occasions that does seem to be the case.

Certainly there are times where the dominant urges are stronger.  There are also other moments when the sadist comes to the forefront.  Overall the two sides are probably a lot like yin and yang, equal in measure yet intertwined and entangled inescapably with each other.

The desire for mastery covers all the different aspects of my personality.  That line of thinking probably goes back to my childhood, where from an early age I was taught that if I was going to bother doing something, I should learn to do it right.

As a result, I wish to be not only the consummate dominant, but also the quintessential sadist.

My interest in BDSM is wide ranging.  It’s my intent that my education, as well as my scope of knowledge, be as comprehensive as possible for one man.

I’ve studied a variety of fetishes that don’t have any real personal interest, not my thing at all.  But, when it’s all said and done, I wanted to (at the very least) know and understand what the particular fetish is all about.

Most things I’m willing to try once.  It’s always been my credo that you never know if you’ll enjoy something until you’ve tried it.  Now I know that’s not literally true, but the philosophy has had an impact on my own way of thinking.

I love BDSM and kink.  I think about kink every day, several times daily.  If I’m not thinking about kink, I’m either at work or I’m feeling ill.  Otherwise there’s a sort of “all kink all the time” festival happening in my brain.

Michael Samadhi - dominant and sadistWith kink on my mind all the time, it should come as no great surprise to discover that Serafina and I do our best to live our Master/slave lifestyle every day, and all the time.  That sort of round the clock commitment to BDSM is often referred to as 24/7 or 24/7 lifestyle.

That alone makes us an unusual couple.  At least one reference I have in my library claims that less than ten percent of the BDSM community practice their craft 24/7.  How Serafina and I live and love are a pretty unique set of circumstance.

The only “concession” we make to the vanilla world is that I am a small business owner, so I necessarily work outside the home.  Otherwise, we live our lifestyle as we see fit.

Serafina’s children are grown and gone, and we have no relatives living nearby.  So, we don’t have to make any lifestyle concessions due to family concerns.  And it’s a damn good thing too, as it’s pretty hard to hide a St Andrew’s Cross sitting in the top of stairs near my home’s entry. And, that’s not even the biggest potential shock to a vanilla type who might wander into our living room.  The Dungeon Bed at the other end of the living room has a built in cage under the bed.  The cage is good for a lot of things . . .

 Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you?

List Your Kinks!

Day 2 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 3 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • List your kinks.

In my first post for this meme I stated:

“My interest in BDSM is wide ranging. It’s my intent that my education, as well as my scope of knowledge, be as comprehensive as possible for one man.”

Did I really say that?

Seriously?

Fuck . . . That’s a lot to live up to!

Me and my big mouth.  One of these days I’m going to talk myself into trouble, no doubt about it1.

Not to mention the fact that I think this is going to be a very looooooong list!  In fact it would be far more expedient to simply list my hard limits.  Unfortunately, listing hard limits is question #10.

I’d have to say my primary kink is dominance.  Followed closely by sadism.  In all things regarding BDSM I also work to achieve some level of mastery.  I covered all that on Day 1.

I’m also an active practitioner of polyamory.  While Serafina is truly my beloved wife, I also love Sinnja, a love that’s growing stronger with every passing day.  I’m a truly blessed man in oh so many ways.  We’ve formed a beautiful triad, committed to each others happiness.  We are just now getting started making long term plans together.

I’ve also been exploring Tantra for close to two decades now.  It’s not the overpowering great passion I find for BDSM / kink, but it does touch a core within me.  I find that tehre is a strong relationship/similiarity between some of the headspace created by Tantra and BDSM, as both are prone to creating altered states of consciousness. Tantric practices strike a thread that reverberate strongly, so Tantra will be something I continue to explore as a tangent from practicing the art of BDSM.

Bondage itself a wonderful art, as well as and a great turn on for me.  As usual, I’m a generalist here rather than a specialist.  Rope is wonderful, but I’m not any sort of exclusive Shibari artist.  Restraints of all types rock, whether they are leather or cold steel.  Handcuffs are classic for some forms of uniformed role play, not to mention as simple down and dirty restraint for those times when there just isn’t any time.  It’s not the most common fetish item in terms of restraint, but I even have a lovely spandex sleep sack that’s useful for longer term bondage and confinement.

Orgasm control is another facet of kink I love exploring.  Serafina hasn’t had an orgasm without asking permission first since 2005, and we’re starting the same sort of training with our new love Sinnja.  There’s something very powerful and primal about controlling most submissive’s favorite reward, holding the power to ultimately grant or deny them the peak of sexual pleasure.  In the end, all dominance is about control, orgasm control seems to take the whole concept to it’s ultimate sexual peak.  Hot, hot stuff indeed.

I do have a bit of a fetish for blindfolds, gags, and hoods.  In my mind, these are yet another form of bondage.  I view them as simply another way to make my submissive feel restrained, vulnerable, and helpless.  I like gags so much that I wrote a 9 part (and counting) series of posts on gags at my SpiritualBDSM.com blog – Guide to Gags (keeping her quiet).

Impact play is another passion.  I love to create interesting ranges of sensations for Serafina and Sinnja using floggers, canes, rods, paddles, straps, belts, crops, whips, quirts, wooden spoons, hairbrushes, bare hand etc.  Of the various “implements of instruction” I’m probably most adept with floggers and single-tail whips, but can use most any impact play tool with confidence and skill.

Yet, another passion of mine is sensation play of all kinds.  This can range (and usually does) from sensuous to sadistic in intensity.  Tools used for this kind of play include clips, clamps, chopsticks, rubber bands, fingers, feathers, brushes, fur, etc.  Almost anything imaginable with an interesting texture can be used for sensation play.

Knife play is an art unto itself, an art I’ve been exploring for a while now.  The latest innovation is using machetes and swords to strip a submissive.  Stripping with swords and big knives puts on a great show, and is unbelievable amounts of fun for everyone involved.  But, as with all forms of edge play, it is not something to approach lightly, in person training in such an art is always highly advisable.

I’ve not ever been a big role-player, at least not in sexual terms.  There was a time when I played more than my share of Dungeons and Dragons, but that’s not the kind of roleplay I’d list as a kink.  I have enjoyed playing interrogator in a scene, as well as kidnapper/abductor, but this isn’t an arena I’ve explored yet with any great depth.  There’s so much kink to explore, where do I find time for this one?

I’m seriously into kinky photography, at least as a part of our scenes.  We don’t light the scenes specifically for our photographs, but we do like to document our fun, at least before it gets too serious.  So you won’t find an array of studio lighting here, but those who follow me at Fetlife see even more photographs than are found here.  I’m not  photographic professional but I am competent and prolific.

My newest kink is probably cuckolding.  Blame my friend Alpha, if any blame needs be assigned, he’s the one who really helped to increase my interest in this particular kink.  Our new love Sinnja is married to a submissive man, so obviously there is opportunity to explore here if I wish.  In the end, the deciding factor will be how much it would complicate the relationship we’ve already built.  Sinnja’s ultimate goal, as it currently stands, is to be slave to both Serafina and myself.  In the end, that’s far more important to me than fulfilling a cuck fantasy, so exploring this one is on hold while I ponder it all.

The longer I sit and think, the more fun things I want to list.  There’s more, oh so much more, but there’s only so many hours in the day, and so many days in the month, so I have to call an end to it somewhere.

I’ll end this all with a listing of my “fetishes” from Fetlife.  Obviously, some are more than a little bit tongue in cheek, but the list exists, so why not bring it over here to my blog . . .

Fetishes

Into: “a knife? are you flirting with me?”“skirts with no panties” (watching others wear)10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 cum you slut1950s household,24/7 access to her bodyabduction play (giving)abrasion play (giving)anal(giving)anal hooks (giving)anal sexarmbinders (watching others wear)ass play (giving)bald girlsball gagsbare bottom spanking (giving)bare handed spanking (giving)bastinado (giving)bdsm (everything to do with it),begging (receiving)belly dance (watching)belt spanking (giving)biting,blindfolds (giving)blow jobs (receiving)bondage (giving)boss/secretary,breast bondage (giving)breast spanking (giving)breast whipping (giving),breast/nipple torture (giving)breath playburlesque (watching),caging/confinement (giving)candle wax (giving)chainschakra energy play,chastity devicesclaire adamscling filmclit pumping (giving)clit spanking(giving)clit torture (giving)cock worship (receiving)collar and lead/leash(giving)controlling how she dressescontrolling when she orgasmscorset training (giving)corsets (watching others wear)costumes/dressing-up(everything to do with it)cunnilingus (everything to do with it)damsels in distressdeep throating (receiving)dildos (giving)discipline (giving),domination (giving)e-stimelectrical playelectrotortureerotic literature,erotic photographyexhibitionismfishnets (watching others wear)flaming kevlar bullwhips/fire whipsflogger (giving)flogging (giving)gagging you with your own dirty pantiesgarter belt (watching others wear)grand canyon,hair pulling (giving)handcuffsharem fantasyharem girlshigh heels(watching others wear)hot oil massages (everything to do with it)humiliation(giving)hunting split tail doeintelligence (everything to do with it)knife play(giving)leatherleaving markslight bastinado (giving)lingerie (watching others wear)locking collarsmasks (everything to do with it)master/slave,mind fucksmultiple orgasms (giving)oral sex (everything to do with it),orgasm control (giving)owning a slave/slavespinchingpower exchange,predator/preypursuit, take-down & capturereal handcuffsrestraints(giving)rimmingrole playrope bondage/suspension (giving)sadism(giving)sensory deprivationsex in public (everything to do with it)spanking(giving)spiritual bdsm (everything to do with it)spreader barsstockings and garter belt (watching others wear)strap-ons (watching others wear)talking dirty(everything to do with it)tearing off clothingthreesomestoystoys under clothing in public (watching)trainingverbal humiliation and degradation(giving)vibratorsvintage porn (watching)voyeurismwartenberg pinwheels(giving)waxwhips.

Curious about: “actually reading people’s profiles!”ballet boots/shoes(watching others wear)bimboificationbukkake (giving)chain floggingcorset piercing (watching others wear)directing gang bangsdoctor/nurse play,equine necroflagellationerotic hypnosisfistingfoot/feetfucking in an elevatorfucking machines (watching)gangbangsgorean slave positions,having chains inserted into my pussy (giving)latexmaking home movies,nun/priest playnyotaimoriplay rape (giving)so, whereabouts in antarctica do you live?sybianwill the feed ever be up?.

list your kinks!

list-your-kinks

How did you discover you were kinky?

Day 3 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 4 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • How did you discover you were kinky?

While I think it’s true that some people have a special “ah-ha” moment where they discover their own personal kinky nature, it is pretty hard to go back to remember a time when I wasn’t kinky.  That’s true, if for no other reason, than it was so very long ago.

I’m really only 50 years old, but going back in time to a place before I knew I had twisted kinky desires is a pretty long trip.

We’d need to go back at least 38 years to find a time before I’d discovered my own kink.  Ironically, that’s the same number of years our new love Sinnja has been on the planet.

No doubt I was a precocious lad for my era, at age 13 I lost my virginity to the daughter of my mother’s best friend.  And, at that point I was already having fantasies that involved bondage and discipline.  So, to find that that first moment, to answer the question – How did you discover you were kinky? – we’ve got to go back to when I was 12 years old.

And let’s be honest, even before I turned 12 I was doing things that were more than a little out of the ordinary.  When playing “cowboys and indians” or “war” with the other neighbor kids, I wasn’t as interested in killing anyone as I was in taking captives.  I wanted prisoners!

If I could get way with it, I even wanted to tie their hands together. And not only did I desire prisoners, I wanted to keep them in captivity.

I wanted to stand guard over them.   I wanted to make them ask me permission for even the simplest of things, like a drink of water.   And, without a doubt, the worst part of my day was quitting time, as that was the time I had to release the prisoners I’d taken earlier in the day.

So, I suppose there was always an element of what now would be considered “kink” even in my childhood play.  But, to find the closest thing I have to an “ah-ha” moment where I can properly answer, “How did you discover you were kinky?”, we’d have to go back to something like early 1976.

Like losing my virginity, my first moment of kinky awareness came with a girl I had a crush on at the time, my mother’s best friend’s daughter.  Her name was Shelly, and it seemed we were thrown together a lot, being the children of friends who spent lots and lots of time socializing.

I remember it was a Saturday night, as Shelly and I were laying in her parent’s bed watching an episode of Saturday Night Live together.  Shelly’s father had an extensive collection of Playboy and Penthouse magazines, we often entertained ourselves looking through them, although we usually waited until the adults had a few drinks under their belts before starting that form of entertainment.

We liked to share pictures we enjoyed with each other as we paged through the magazines together.  Shelly had an awesome eye for great photos of women[ 2. I suppose I should not be at all surprised that she grew up to be a lesbian?] but this night she opened the magazine to a story, and asked me to read it.

At first I was a little perplexed and even off put.  I honestly thought the line about reading the articles in Playboy and Penthouse was a complete joke.  I was studying the pictures in my own magazine – for science – giving myself female anatomy lessons!  Who had time to read?

But Shelly was right, this particular story was really good.  It was the tale of a husband and wife who decided to spice up their sex lives with some bondage, and it ended with her essentially becoming his sex slave on weekends.  The story introduced all sorts of interesting ideas for future fantasy sessions.

I remember he created what would be the equivalent of sensory deprivation using a pillow case for a hood, cotton clothesline for bondage, and oven mitts as gloves to prevent her from using fingers to untie herself. If I remember correctly, the story also included his best friend joining the storyteller for some hot action with the bound and helpless wife on Saturday nights.

It was very hot stuff.  It was very impressive to an impressionable 12 year old.

At that moment I knew what I wanted!

I wanted to be THAT man.  I wanted to be the story teller.  More than anything in the world, at that moment, I wanted to have a woman I could control,  bind and tie, tease and torment.  I wanted to recreate everything in the story for myself, piece by piece, moment by moment.

That was my “ah-ha” moment, my time of realization.  Oh yes, like any young boy I wanted to experience sex.  I’d settle for vanilla sex if I had to.  But the flame had been kindled.

Still today, I am inescapably drawn to that same flame . . .

how did you discover you were kinky?

How-did-you-discover-you-were-kinky

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Day 4 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 5 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

I’m thinking that I really need to do a better job of looking ahead in these questions so I don’t answer them in advance.  At least not again . . .

Part of my answer for the previous post, Day 3, directly addresses today’s question . . .

And let’s be honest, even before I turned 12 I was doing things that were more than a little out of the ordinary. When playing “cowboys and indians” or “war” with the other neighbor kids, I wasn’t as interested in killing anyone as I was in taking captives. I wanted prisoners!

If I could get way with it, I even wanted to tie their hands together. And not only did I desire prisoners, I wanted to keep them in captivity.

I wanted to stand guard over them. I wanted to make them ask me permission for even the simplest of things, like a drink of water. And, without a doubt, the worst part of my day was quitting time, as that was the time I had to release the prisoners I’d taken earlier in the day.

So, I suppose there was always an element of what now would be considered “kink” even in my childhood play.

At least in part, I’ve already provided at least an answer to this question.

The reality is, that in retrospect, as many of the moments and accomplishments of my life as possible were turned into a form of preparation to become the dominant I am today.  Everything I have done gives a hint at my kinks.  That’s simply my own inclination.

When I want something badly enough, I find a way.  And, there’s nothing I’ve wanted in life anything more than to be a BDSM Master. Nothing.

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

MSS_8672

What was your first kinky sexual experience?

Day 5 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 6 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Well, no worries here about not yet having my first kinky sexual experience!  At the very least, I’ve been doing this since 1980, and it might be argued that I’ve been kinky from my very first sex experience in 1976.

The only issue here for me is trying to decide how to define “kinky”.

I lost my virginity inside a chicken coop.  Is that kinky?

I had sex there despite the fact that I’m deathly allergic to chicken feathers. Does that up the ante a little in terms of kink factor?

I was only 13 years old at the time.  Perhaps not an unusual age among today’s precocious youth, but certainly an oddity for the mid 1970’s.

Heck, it might be considered to be a form of “edge play”, as I was certainly risking my health for the sexual experience.  And for some folks, chicken coop sex might very well be a kinky activity, I mean folks can fetishize most everything, tasty birds included.  Right?

Well, that’s not me.  I suppose it could be categorized that way, but I’ve never considered that to be a kinky experience.  To fit my own criteria there needs to be some traditional elements of BDSM included.  S0, I consider the first time I tied a woman up for sex to be my first kinky sexual experience.

It was the winter of 1980.  I was dating a young lady named Elise (she didn’t make my recently posted Dramatis personæ listing) – who I’d met at the restaurant where I worked.  We’d been dating for a few months, and things were going well, we were getting ready to take things to the “next level”.  That was going to be a pretty big step for us, because Elise was a virgin.

One night when quizzing Elise about sexual fantasies, she confessed to me that she’d always wondered what it would be like to be tied up.  I immediately asked if she’d like to be tied up for sex.  Her answer was affirmative.  In fact, she said she thought it would be fun to be tied up for her first time.

Oh my dear friends and readers, it was like a dream.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  Could she really mean that?  Not only could I tie her up, but we could do that for her very first time?  Wow!  Fucking mind blowing.

And I have to tell you, it was a special experience.  At the time I would have told you it was mind blowing, but it should probably be noted that the mind of a 17 year old boy isn’t exactly a difficult thing to blow.

I’ve actually written about the experience before, here in the blog’s initial Welcome! post.

I began my journey into the world of Kink back in 1980, just a few months shy of my 18th birthday. The inaugural event, starting my own explorations of the joys of kink, was the occasion of tying my girlfriend up for the first time. By a strange twist of fate, the date was forever etched in my memory – Monday, December 8, 1980.

After I’d trussed my girlfriend up spread eagled with some cotton clothesline, but not long after I’d initiated the actual sex act, an announcement came over the radio that was playing in the background . John Lennon had just been shot and killed. As I sit writing this early on New Year’s eve, the last day of 2013, I realize the 33rd anniversary of that occasion has just passed, less than a month before.

What was your first kinky sexual experience?

michael-n-dee-05

Describe Your Most Interesting Sexual Fantasy

Day 6 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 7 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Fantasies are odd things.

Sometimes we can pinpoint exactly how, when, where, and why fantasies became embedded in our sexuality.  But, oftentimes that’s just not possible.

I can tell the “when” and “where” of my weirdest fantasy, but “how” is probably a little more difficult to ascertain.

“Why” is almost always difficult to answer when it comes to questions about sexuality.  This instance is no different.

And, it should be noted that my most interesting sexual fantasy is more whimsy than anything else.  It’s not a deep seated desire I’m looking to act upon.  Nor is it even terribly overtly sexual.

It’s just one of those ideas that pops into a person’s heads and refuses to let go.

The story starts at a parade, back in the day when I worked in politics.  Political campaigns these days are long thankless affairs, with holiday and festival parades in the heat of summer being one of the craziest requirements of the profession.  Usually that meant lining up and standing in the summer sun for hours in temperatures approaching 100 degrees before the parade actually began.

It was a time like that, when I was feeling near delirium from heat and dehydration while waiting for a parade to begin, that my fantasy erupted.  I was watching Kaaba Shriners who parade in a swarm of annoying little cars while dressed in odd middle eastern garb (sometimes brandishing scimitars) when the idea struck.

The spectacle the Shriners put on is just one of many seen at a parade.  Sitting there in the heat, a bit dazed from standing for hours with nothing to do but make idle conversation with political junkies, my mind started dreaming of all things fetish.   For a moment my mind thought of Jeff Gord and the amazing things he did with pony girl carriages and the like.   From there it was a very short trip to my own fantasy.

bit gag pony playI’d absolutely love to run a 6 horse hitch of pony girls through an entire season of local parades.  One summer I managed to walk more than 30 parades (I was managing two different campaigns at the time – a physically impossible task which is why you’ve never heard of anyone else attempting it) so it would be an eventful year for pony girl paraders.

In the end, parades are really just an opportunity for folks to march to show support for their “thing”.  For some folks their “thing” is politics, for others it may be vintage cars, or perhaps even vintage farm equipment.  They all get to parade and strut their stuff.

I mean everyone is like a peacock, trying to make an impression upon parade goers that elicit support, or recruit new enthusiasts.  Why can’t kinksters do the same?

It would be simple enough to make sure the pony girls stay within legal limits of modesty.  Beyond that, how is having a crew of pony girls pulling me along in a cart really that much crazier than a bunch of high level “mucky-mucks” in the masonic lodge careening about the parade course in miniature vehicles while brandishing swords?

Seriously!

Everybody loves a spectacle at a parade, and I might just (someday) be the guy to provide exactly that.   At least that’s what would happen if  I tried to live out my most interesting sexual fantasy . . .

describe your most interesting sexual fantasy

most-interesting_sexual-fantasy

What’s Your Favorite Toy?

Day 7 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 8 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

I love my toys, I love all of them.

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it before, but I actually have more than a little bit of a fetish for collecting tools for BDSM play.  So, this is perhaps a more difficult question for me to answer than it might be for some others.

And, while it may be true that I don’t love them all equally, I do truly cherish everyone of the many BDSM tools in my collection.  They all have a special place in my heart.  Most of them are associated with special memories as well.

In fact, one of my favorite things to do when someone new is invited to my home is to simply give them a tour of the dungeon and toy collection.  So, asking me to pick a favorite toy is a bit like asking a parent to pick a favorite child.

With that said, I don’t want to make my answer sound like a retelling of Sophie’s Choice or anything like that.  I like the analogy of my toys being like children, but let’s not get too carried away.  If I did have to choose I’d be heartbroken, but not devastated for life.

My first instinct would be to choose “floggers” as a toy, and bring my entire collection on board.  And, even as recently as 6 months ago, floggers would have been my final answer to the burning question of the day, “What’s your favorite toy?”

Ah, but that was before I began to use single-tail whips.

In the last eighteen months I’ve really “geared up” on whips.  In that time, I added a 3′ signal whip, a 4 1/2′ signal whip, a 6′ bullwhip, a 3′ stockwhip, and two 4′ mini-bullwhips to my collection of BDSM tools.

I’ve also practiced throwing my single-tail whips on a daily basis.  Not only is continual practice necessary to master a tool like the single-tail, all those whips require at least a little breaking in too.

Vic Tella’s whips[ 2. Vic is the proprietor of snakewhip.com] are notoriously stiff upon delivery.  Until they’ve been properly broken in, they have a tendency to look more like long lewd erections rather than the coiled snake like shape we tend to associate with whips.

Stiff, tight-laced whips are actually a good thing.  The tighter a whip is laced, the better it’s going to transfer the energy when I throw it.  That’s going to translate into superior performance and accuracy.  But it does mean there’s a significant break in period as the whip learns to shape itself to better conform to the energy of my throws.

So, there’s no denying that my favorite toy is the single-tail.  At least that’s today’s answer . . .

what’s your favorite toy?

Whats-your-favorite-toy---singletail

Post A Kinky Image You Find Erotic

Day 8 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 9 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • Post a kinky image you find erotic

It seems to my eye that today’s 30 Days of Kink query is more of an assignment than it is a question.

That’s OK.  I don’t mind assignments, I give them out all the time.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, or so it’s said anyway.

And seriously, I’d be a pretty big hypocrite if I gave my erotic slave assignments, but refused to do any myself.

There are a number of ways to provide leadership, and one of the most effective is to lead by example.

So, I find myself looking for something that’s ripe with fetish, not to mention titillating, provocative, and edgy.

At the same time, I also appreciate whimsy.  And, to top everything off, I wanted the image to include a chastity belt.

Chastity play with male submissives is becoming more and more common all the time, but female chastity belts are still relatively uncommon.

I have some personal reasons as well.  Both Serafina and Sinnja squirm uncomfortably when I mention a chastity belt around them is may be reason enough all on it’s own.

With those criteria in mind, I began to search.

the search

A few minutes into the search, I found an image that incorporated at least some of the elements I was looking for . . .

It includes some of the elements I desired for this post.

Certainly it’s whimsical,and it tells quite a story.

Of course the image does feature an attractive lady locked in a chastity belt too.

zzzz chastity belt

image from tumblr – original model (and photographer) credits are unknown

But, I really don’t find it to be very titillating or provocative.

I think I can do better.

Here’s the second image that caught my attention . . .

zzzz chastity belt 03

image from tumblr – original model (and photographer) credits are unknown

Once again, it’s fun, whimsical, and it tells quite a story.  This one has the added bonus of appealing to the exhibitionistic as well.

But, I still don’t find it to be the kind of titillating or provocative image I was seeking.

When it was all said and done, I finally found the image I wanted for this post . . .

post a kinky image you find erotic

zzzz chastity belt 02

image from tumblr – original model (and photographer) credits are unknown

The image is titillating, provocative, and edgy for sure, and it certainly includes a lady locked into a chastity belt.

It’s also almost entirely lacking in whimsy.

But, upon further reflection, I may have set the bar just a touch too high here.   It’s not always easy to combine all those elements together into a single photo.  it takes a special touch, not to mention a specal eye, and models who genuinely enjoy what they are doing is more than a little bit of help too.

Add that together with the fact that photos of women in chastity aren’t exactly commonplace, and it makes this one small compromise necessary.  Frankly, it’s a small price to pay.

The final image is hottttttttt.  At least it is erotic to my eye, obviously, your mileage may vary.

With everything said, it’s an excellent example of a kinky image I find erotic.  And, I got the added bonus of “surfing” more than a little bit of port to find it.

Post a Kink Related Song You Enjoy

Day 9 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 10 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Serafina has already used my first choice.

The very best song available to answer this query, Because the Night by Patti Smith, was her selection.

It’s an iconic song for us, having been selected for Serafina’s collaring ceremony.

She crawled down the aisle, down a red carpet, nearly naked and blindfolded, to me at the start of the ceremony while the song played.

But, back when I started down the 30 Days of Kink’s list of questions, I already anticipated letting Serafina use Because the Night as her answer to this question.

So, I was prepared with an alternative already in mind.

Released in 1962, Etta James’ Prisoner of Love is an absolute classic.

And while it may not have originally been intended as a metaphor for a D/s or M/s relationship, it certainly works well when placed inside the context of kinky and poly relationship dynamic.

Alone from night to night you’ll find me
Too weak to break the chains that bind me
I need no shackles to remind me
I’m just a prisoner of love

etta james prisoner of love kink related songFor one command I stand and wait now
From one who’s master of my Fate now
I can’t escape for it’s too late now
I’m just a prisoner of love

What’s the good of my caring when someone is sharing
Those arms with me
Although he has another
I can’t have another
For I’m not free

He’s in my dreams awake or sleeping
Up on my knees to him I’m creeping
My very life is in his keeping
I’m just a prisoner of love.

Etta James ~ 1962 ~ Prisoner of Love

What are your hard limits?

Day 10 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 11 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • What are your hard limits?

A classic question.

But first, for the uninitiated, we need to define the term.  From Wikipedia:

In BDSM, limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about, usually referring to prohibited activities.

A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship.

No doubt defining one’s own hard limits is a simple enough question for most folks to answer.

Unfortunately, I’m not most folks.

As a dominant I’m far more used to observing other’s limits than I am in talking about my own.  And, since hard limits are things we’d never consider doing, this is a sort of terra incognita, we are heading into whereabouts that are completely unknown.

  • I will not violate another’s informed consent.

This covers a multitude of other hard limits, but by itself it’s THE basic core of what separates BDSM from abuse.  Therefore, it’s listed first.  I will participate in so called “consensual non-consent” activities, but at it’s heart that’s still consensual.

  • I won’t play with children or anyone under the age of 21.

First of all, there’s just no attraction here.  Youth is wasted on the young, and I’m simply not attracted to anyone much under the age of thirty.  Also, I do not believe that individuals under the age of 21 are completely capable of giving informed consent, so this would also be covered by the first rule.

  • Poop and scat play are off limits.

I’ve no problem with anal or enema play, but want no part of a scene where the focus is on shit.  Thank you very much, but no thank you!

  • I only have sex with my beloved and my love, Serafina and Sinnja.

This one’s pretty simple for me, and more than being about “hard limits”, it’s about love.  For me to desire sex (intercourse) with someone these days, I really and truly need to be in love with them.

It wasn’t always this way.  Back in my 20’s and 30’s I was very much an “ethical slut”, and I was very discriminating.  But I wasn’t perhaps as discriminating as I am today.

It’s a given that Alpha will remain a part of our intimate circle of friends. But, beyond that, it remains to be seen how much we, as a triad, will decide to play with anyone else.

Perhaps, at some point, Alpha and Serafina can find a subbie boy wishing to be cuckolded by them, locked in a cock cage by Alpha.  I think that would be great fun for all, so if the opportunity occurred, I’d surely invite everyone involved to carry through with it.

Both Serafina and Sinnja have a top/sadist side they like to occasionally express, so at some point they may want a “houseboy” to torment. Maybe it could even be the cuckold serving Alpha and Serafina.  I’d not deny them that, especially if their “boy” did yard-work or housework.

And, I have had some lovely lady friends I’ve played with in the past year.  While I am committed to being exclusive with Serafina and Sinnja sexually, that doesn’t necessarily preclude all sorts of wonderful play and instruction with those existing friends.  Now, they have to understand that my hands are pretty darn full with the duo of wonderful submissives that belong to me.  So, if and when I do play with others, I’m almost certain to want Serafina or Sinnja, or both, to join in on the fun as co-dominants.michael-samadhi-003

  • I won’t take part in a scene that deliberately mutilates someone’s body, even if it’s consensual.

The best example I know here is the “castration fantasy”.  Some guys get off on the thought of having their testicles removed.  I won’t go there.  Same with the folks who surgically split their dicks. Nope, not for me.

Tattoos are ok, in fact they can be really hot.  Branding and cutting falls into the same category, they can be done beautifully.  Piercings, both temporary and permanent likewise.  All of those can be full of symbolic meaning for the person receiving the mark/ring, as well as those giving them.   I suppose that getting one’s nads cut off could be full of meaning, just not for me.

So, most body mods are ok, just don’t ask to be losing parts of yourself, I’m not going there.  It’s fine if you think it might be a hot fantasy to walk around with an empty ballsack, just don’t ask me to participate.

  • I will not participate in activities I consider to be “at risk” for transmission of a STI or blood born pathogen, with an exception for my fluid bonded triad.

If you want to do a scene with blood, semen, or other body fluids that are likely to transmit STIs or blood borne pathogens, go for it!  It’s your life and your risk.  If I choose to take part in those sorts of activities, it will only be within the fluid bonded triad I’ve formed with Serafina and Sinnja.

Many of the other “common” hard limits are not issues for me.  For instance, watersports (BDSM activities involving urine) aren’t a big turn on for me, but I’ve taken part in that kind of play on several occasions.  Blood play freaks a lot of people out, and once again, it’s not a huge turn on for me, but I can understand it’s attraction.  The key for me is knowing that it’s a safe activity in terms of pathogens.

 

 

 

 

 

What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Day 11 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 12 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael

Ethics?!?

What are my views on the ethics of kink?

To my eyes, that’s an odd question.

I mean, my life and my kink are inseparable.  But I don’t know that anyone would ever ask – What are your views on the ethics of living?  So it seems rather strange to have the question addressed the way it is worded.

I’m guessing it’s meant to be a thoughtful question, where people can defend their kink, show themselves to be ethical in their own practice of kink.  Perhaps it was meant to forward a discussion of safe words and of community mottos like Safe Sane and Consensual.

Perhaps such a discussion is necessary.  It does seem that the default belief in the “vanilla” world could be that kinksters, not to mention polyamorists, are inherently unethical.

I mean we beat our spouses, or at least give the appearance that is happening.  After I came out to my mother as a kinkster, she forever struggled with the fact that someone might enjoy being hit with a riding crop.

“How demeaning that must be, to be hit with a device intended for use on a horse!” is what she said to me.  I think she would have been blown away to learn that most folks who purchase riding crops aren’t actually equestrian enthusiasts.

For her to have considered that the sensation might actually be pleasurable to some people would really have screwed with her world outlook.  People really can’t enjoy pain, can they?

Many kinksters play with, and love, individuals who aren’t our spouses.  To the vanilla world that forever brings to mind visions of cheating.  Yet how can it be “cheating” when it’s done with our partners knowledge and consent, not to mention the fact that our spouses may also be involved with the same individual, or perhaps another.

To their eyes, it’s just mind boggling that anything of that sort could occur.  We must not value our partners, or our marriages, if we are doing such things.  Right?

Wrong!

Well that may not be universal.  I’m sure there are kinksters who don’t value their souses any more than some vanilla folks who treat their own partners with disdain.

We may be “different” in the BDSM and kink community, but we aren’t that different.  We are pretty much the same as the rest of the folks in the world.  In many ways the BDSM community is a microcosm of the rest of the world.

Our ethics may be a little different than the way the “game of life” is played in the vanilla world, but most of us in the BDSM and kink communities have highly evolved ethics.  If we didn’t, we might look like the rest of the world assumes we must be, lawless hedonists who care only for our own pleasures.  Most folks reading this know that’s simply not true.

yes, kinksters have ethics!

I’d like to view myself as highly ethical in my practice of kink, BDSM, polyamory, and tantra.

Who wouldn’t want to see themselves in that light?

I know some folks could never see a sadistic polyamorist as being ethical.  I’m sorry, but that’s there loss instead of mine.  It’s hard to overcome the default assumption that loving more than one person makes me somehow less ethical than a monogamist.  It’s hard to overcome the assumption that a person who likes to strike and bruise others is also practicing that art within ethical boundaries.

Yet, that’s exactly what I do.

And, I am not alone.  While I consider myself to be highly ethical, I’m sure that’s also the case for the majority of the BDSM and kink communities too.

Yes, I’m aware that some professions have continuing education for ethics, but beyond that, I think our lifestyle is unique.  How many people can say, that as a regular part of their lifestyle, they attend classes and discussions on ethics?

I think that’s the default for most of the kink community.

Yes, like any other community we have our problems, our own ethically challenged community members.  Like I said earlier, I believe the kink community is a microcosm of the rest of the world.  We are really no different, except that we enjoy sex the way some enthusiasts enjoy model trains.  The way they might think about the perfect “layout” we think about the perfect scene.  it’s not really so different.

Except we spend an inordinate amount of time discussing ethics in the world of kink.  Ethics are discussed at munches and in discussion groups.  Ethics are discussed at outings, retreats, trysts, carnivals, and every other imaginable gathering under the sun.

We have ethics.  And we want the world to know it too!  As I’ve mentioned before, that’s why we have mottoes like Safe, Sane, and Consensual, and Risk Aware Kink.  They really aren’t so much competing philosophies, as they are competing slogans, designed to show the world that despite having unusual hobbies and predilections, we are not the bogey men and bogey women of modern day life.  There’s no need to call out the townspeople, nothing even remotely edgy going on over here.

But, for some of us, being on the edge is what we seek.  Safe Sane and Consensual just sounds like a warm fuzzy to us, we want dangerous, edgy and barely tolerable.  We want to challenge preconceived notions, and preconceived limits.

We want to taste the world before it tastes us.

Yet, we want to do it all ethically.  That’s what makes our passions different.  That is what makes us, despite the differences in our sex lives, a microcosm of society at large, and not as some would believe about us, a microcosm of the local correctional facility.

What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Yes, we have ethics.  Sometimes they are a bit difficult.  It usually helps to know the hows and whys.

But don’t worry, if you mess up, someone will correct you.  Yes, our community is truly a microcosm of society these days.  We have our know-it-alls, our rules junkies, our mother hens.  If you aren’t playing safe, a dungeon monitor may very well let you know.

Whether that particular “advancement” progress or not, nobody can accuse our community of lacking ethics.

ethics-of-kink---like-a-puzzle

ethics can be like putting together pieces of a puzzle

Tell Us About A Humorous Kink Experience

Day 12 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 13 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

I’ve been doing this BDSM thing for a long time.  I was thinking about all that experience today, and what it adds up to . . .

I turn 51 later this year, but I tied my first girl up for sex when I was 17.  I actually think I tied a girl up for the first time at 12 years old.  But, that’s not exactly a BDSM story, it simply shows my perverted predilections at even that tender young age.

So, I was considering all those years, and at the same time Serafina and I had just traveled to visit Sinnja, staying with our love and her brood for her birthday.  That gave me opportunity for further reflection, as her house is far more crowded with people than any I ever lived in.

a unique lifetime
Growing up an only child, and then not having children of my own, has given me far different perspectives and opportunities than most.    I never have had the joys of fatherhood.  But, I’ve never had the responsibilities or obligations either.

I’m realizing more and more that I’ve ended up having a relatively unique life.  Unique like having far more opportunity for BDSM play than just about anybody who has lived with children ever could  have found.  I made the most of those opportunities too.

Now, in pondering all my unique opportunities and experiences, humorous kink experiences weren’t exactly at the top of my list.  Oh for sure, among those unique opportunities have been more than my share of humorous kink experiences.  But, comedy isn’t always the very first thing in mind when I’m in the leather and dungeon mindset.

I think it’s natural to think of “firsts”.  They tend to be memorable, even if the actual action isn’t always perfect.  At least that’s been my experience.

I also tend to remember those absolute peak moments where everything came together perfectly.  That kind of thing can be pretty rare, perhaps even more rare than a “first”.  But, I’ve got to admit, I’ve had more than my share of times where everything went perfectly and left a mind blowing scene in it’s wake.

opportunity + persistence = awesome experiences
Michael-&-Abbie-art3I think the collection of mind blowing experiences I’ve felt and shared, at least in part, are a question of opportunity.   If a golfer plays enough he’ll have a hole-in-one to his credit, the bowler a 300 game.  If a fisherman makes enough casts, everything else being equal, he’ll catch his trophy[ 2. my good friend AlphaBull landed his prize Muskie this last summer – it took thousands of casts before she arrived – but that’s how it goes – that particular sport rewards Alpha’s exacting persistence and patience.].

My primary hobby as an adult has been sex.  In the sexual realm I’ve rolled my 300 game, and shot my hole-in-one.  I’ve landed my prize trophies too.  In the past I’ve always practiced “catch and release” there . . . But, I have to say that Serafina and Sinnja are sure “keepers”.  I’m quite well satisfied with my good fortune.  And, in thinking that’s already one over the current “legal-limit”, I’m done “fishin”, at least for this lifetime.

Which brings me around, finally, to begin to relate a humorous kink experience from my past.  With more than thirty years of BDSM and kink behind me, it’s only human that I’d have more  than my share of silly and laughable moments to relate.  Perhaps the biggest issue is simply deciding which story to tell.

I’m a storyteller by nature.  I love sharing anecdotes and interesting experiences.  It’s a way of reliving my past fun, as well as remembering previous lessons too.  That’s part of my motivation in blogging.

pick just one humorous kink experience?

Michael-&-Abbie-artSo, my first instinct was to share a story from my more distant past.  Heck, I could go as far back as 1981.  I could relate how I accidentally “ruined” ketchup for my ex-wife – there were a couple of years where she wouldn’t eat ketchup at all because of a food play experiment gone wrong.  Oooops!

I’m sure lots of folks would get a kick out of hearing how I let one girl shave my legs and paint my toenails.  Ya, I let her shave my chest too.  Oh the things a 20 year old will do to get some pussy.  Perhaps that one falls more under the category of ‘personal embarrassment” than it does actual comedy.  I’ll let you, my dear reader, be the judge of that.

I could share what is now a humorous kink experience revolving around a girl tied up on the bed of my small efficiency apartment while another desperately knocked on the door wanting attention herself.  At the time, there was nothing funny about it.  But, in retrospect, I have to smile and laugh, I mean what else can you do, right?

I spent over a decade with a lady named Blissful Torment as my wife and bottom.  While laughing as a part of our sexual games wasn’t really our forte, no doubt we had our moments.  Although it was mortifying to me at the time, one particular scene with our friend Cherub stands out in my mind.

Michael-&-Abbie-art4I’d prepared a plan for a scene that included both Bliss and Cherub as my submissive, to both be restrained and teased in turn, one after the other, for a long evening of torment.  I’d also selected a series of 5 cd’s of gothic music and had them in a changer set to play songs at random from the various discs.  My “dungeon” area was lit softly with candles.  A stick of incense burned slowly in the corner.

Then, not long after the second song came on to play, the incident happened.  While a spoken word incantation to Nosferatu as the second song’s intro droned on like a dirge, Cherub and Bliss looked at each other, and both broke out spontaneously in uproarious loud laughter.

As I said, it was mortifying for me.  The scene I’d planned, the mood I’d so carefully set – gone!  Maybe it wasn’t so funny at the time, but I look back and I laugh today.  Like I said before, what else can you do?

choosing a current humorous kink experience . . . finally!

Michael-&-Abbie_FotoSketcherBut, none of those past scenarios appealed to me.  For this post, I really wanted something current.  I really desired something that included not only my Serafina, but also our new partner in love and life, Sinnja.  And, while there are plenty of moments, the joyous feelings we share in the dungeon are a big part of our mutual attraction, few of those translate well into a written anecdote.  As with so many things in life, you really needed to have been there to get the humor.

And, because blogging is such a visual medium, I really wanted to find a moment we’ve captured.  While we are prolific photographers, the last requirement really upped the ante significantly.  Humor is often spontaneous, and without a doubt random spontaneous moments are most difficult to capture on film.

Still, we are prolific enough that we do have a few humorous kink experiences captured recently.  To be honest however, Serafina already took the very best one.  Her story of being released from rope bondage on a picnic table just moments before the arrival of a park ranger – priceless!

Fortunately, I do still have a silly story, with appropriate visual.  Well the visual itself really is the story.  Obviously then, the attached images of me with a furry dinosaur is not the kind of thing I’d usually post.

I’m serious about kink and BDSM, and I’m also a sadist.  I like to create strong sensations and elicit strong feelings.  Being a a serious sadist is not only what I am, what I enjoy, it’s something I’m not shy about sharing either.  I deliberately cultivate that image.

Michael-&-Abbie-extrudeAnd the sadism is not just posturing.  The first time I played with Sinnja I was rough enough that her nipples were raw and scabbed for the better part of a week.  The next time we played the scabs opened up and I got a little blood on my hands.  She got some blood on her shirt too, that day, just a spot.  It was a detail I wasn’t totally shy about sharing with my circle of friends at a munch we attended later that day.  See what I mean about deliberately cultivating an image?

So, when Sinnja first came to visit our home, with a girl in tow that she was involved with at the time, it was rather out of character for me to pose for a picture with a stuffed animal, let alone a purple freakin’ dinosaur.  Pictures of me without my goatee are pretty rare too.

The stuffed critter was her girl’s, and to be honest I can’t remember how it ended up in my hands.  The lack of mustache and goatee were intended to be a temporary situation.  I’d wanted Sinnja to see what she was getting, see the man without the facial adornment.  If, for instance, I lost the beard because of a fire play incident gone horribly wrong, I didn’t want Sinnja to cringe at what she found exposed underneath.  She needed to at least see the bare man once.

The reason I didn’t have a beard isn’t terribly important to the story, nor is my thinking in grabbing the stuffed dino.  Sinnja’s reaction is what made the moment.

‘This I’ve got to capture!” she said, grabbing her cellphone from her purse.  Everyone roared with laughter, and I mugged for the camera to produce the image just below.

It was only a few days later that the  picture ended up featured on the opening screen of Sinnja’s cell.  Every time she opened the phone she was greeted by the purple dinosaur on my chest, alongside my bare smiling mug.  Sometimes it made her giggle.

And, in the end, that is the reason for this post.  Her giggles on opening the phone.  They touched me very deeply.  To the core.  For a woman who had an abusive background in her childhood, who still suffers a form of PTSD nightmares due to her abuse, to be able to give her that giggle . . .

Well, it’s priceless to me.

I hope this post makes you giggle too, my sweetheart, my love!

tell us about a humorous kink experience

Michael-&-Abbie

 

What is the appeal of BDSM? Why am I drawn to kink?

Day 13 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 14 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Why is always the most difficult question for me.

Please ask me when, what, or where.  Those are questions I can likely answer.

But ask me – “Why?” – that’s a different story.

And, to be honest, that’s almost always been true.  It was even true for the childhood games I once played.

Use CLUE® as an example.  The game asked us to solve the who, what, and where.  But, we don’t have to know why.

It was Colonel Mustard with the candlestick in the conservatory.

How succinct and simple.  No need to discuss the colonel’s mental state or motivations.  Just knowing he committed the crime was enough!

Ahhh, life should be so simple . . . .

If I’m going with “simple”, the simple answer for what the appeal of BDSM is to me, is that it’s fucking hot!  If you don’t realize that, you’ve wandered over to the wrong blog by mistake.  Please go back to Facebook
with my sympathies.

If I have to explain that, you’ll never get it!

I do it because kink is exhilarating and enthralling.  BDSM makes my head spin, my heart race, and my dick throb.

riding-crop-reminisce-02

I get excited making marks like this!

Is that good enough for you?

As to why any particular person is drawn to kink, present company included, I just don’t think anyone knows that part.  Theories have been proposed, but there’s been very little real research.

Some try to tie our predilections to abuse, but I’m just not buying that one.  Too many in our community had “normal” childhoods without abuse for that to be the single defining factor for our community.

In the end, we are really a microcosm of the rest of the world.  We are your neighbors and coworkers. Some of us in the kink world are serious, some are silly.  All socio-economic backgrounds are present, we come from all professions and walks of life.

I’m drawn to kink the same way someone else becomes a model train enthusiast.  My obsession with BDSM isn’t that much different from the way someone else might have turned their AMWAY business into a lifestyle.

BDSM is my lifestyle.  Kink is my hobby.

The worlds of kink and BDSM are realms where I feel at home.  I’ve simply found subjects that fascinate me, and I’m running with it.

Don’t ask me why . . .

Just love me for how I am!

What is the appeal of BDSM? Why am I drawn to kink?

why-am-i-drawn-to-kink

Why am I drawn to kink? If I have to explain you’ll never get it!

 

How Does Real Life BDSM Differ From Fantasy?

Day 14 - Michael's 30 Days of Kink

This entry is part 15 of 15 in the series 30 Days of Kink w/ Michael
  • How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

One theme I keep coming back to, is that in a wide variety of ways, BDSM is like most everything else in life.

I believe that the kink community is a microcosm of society.

Our hopes and dreams are not that different from anyone else’s.  We just tend to be more likely to live out our fantasies, or so it seems.

So, for the purposes of this question, lets use “playing baseball” as a parallel for practicing BDSM.  Baseball was a childhood passion, so it’s a great parallel for my adult passion for BDSM.

With that said, any sport will do for my analogy . . .

So, let’s revisit the question – How would you say real life baseball varies from fantasy baseball?

I don’t know about you, but on the surface, that question just seems silly.  Fantasy baseball and the real game of baseball share very little but a name.

Watching baseball on television, which is not unlike watching BDSM porn, only provides a small percentage of the experience one might get compared to attending a game in person.

000143colorswirlThe sensations of being at the ballpark in person are very special indeed to a baseball aficionado.  The sights, sounds, and smells are unique and unmistakable.  None of those translate well to the medium of television. The sights translate to an extent, but there are real limits.

No matter the definition and size of the monitor, no one is going to say that seeing the Grand Canyon on the television compares in any real way to the experience of standing on the edge of the abyss and staring into all the color and space.  That’s also true for baseball.  There’s no comparison between sitting in one’s home fantasizing about baseball, and actually being at the ballpark taking part in a game.

Now, please note that playing the game is different still.  There’s absolutely no comparison between playing baseball and observing baseball.  The crack of the bat against the ball takes on new meaning if you are part of the game.

And that’s the best analogy I know for how real life BDSM differs from fantasy.  It’s like the difference between watching baseball on TV and actually playing the game!

How Does Real Life BDSM Differ From Fantasy?

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