- How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
One theme I keep coming back to, is that in a wide variety of ways, BDSM is like most everything else in life.
I believe that the kink community is a microcosm of society.
Our hopes and dreams are not that different from anyone else’s. We just tend to be more likely to live out our fantasies, or so it seems.
So, for the purposes of this question, lets use “playing baseball” as a parallel for practicing BDSM. Baseball was a childhood passion, so it’s a great parallel for my adult passion for BDSM.
With that said, any sport will do for my analogy . . .
So, let’s revisit the question – How would you say real life baseball varies from fantasy baseball?
I don’t know about you, but on the surface, that question just seems silly. Fantasy baseball and the real game of baseball share very little but a name.
Watching baseball on television, which is not unlike watching BDSM porn, only provides a small percentage of the experience one might get compared to attending a game in person.
The sensations of being at the ballpark in person are very special indeed to a baseball aficionado. The sights, sounds, and smells are unique and unmistakable. None of those translate well to the medium of television. The sights translate to an extent, but there are real limits.
No matter the definition and size of the monitor, no one is going to say that seeing the Grand Canyon on the television compares in any real way to the experience of standing on the edge of the abyss and staring into all the color and space. That’s also true for baseball. There’s no comparison between sitting in one’s home fantasizing about baseball, and actually being at the ballpark taking part in a game.
Now, please note that playing the game is different still. There’s absolutely no comparison between playing baseball and observing baseball. The crack of the bat against the ball takes on new meaning if you are part of the game.
And that’s the best analogy I know for how real life BDSM differs from fantasy. It’s like the difference between watching baseball on TV and actually playing the game!
How Does Real Life BDSM Differ From Fantasy?
How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
I would like to refer you to this entry where I explain that we are a 24/7 relationship and for me life as M/s dynamic is not a fantasy, but a reality. As a reality it changes how you live and act. Little mistakes can lead to less intimacy, acting out, and distance in the relationship. To maintain a real life BDSM/kinky relationship it takes much diligence to have the kind of happiness and peace for the kind of intense relationship I crave.
Life in real – BDSM/kink is a Journey
Life, and the lifestyle one chooses is a journey. . not an arrival. It is a destination, a path with many trails that can lead you entirely off-course or even to an abrupt end. It is a daily, hourly and moment by moment opportunity to keep to the path, or divert. And, we can do all this without even being aware at a conscious level, but the results will show if you are on the path or if you have wandered from your intent. Unless, that is you have already decided that the path you were committing to was not the path you really desire and it is acceptable to change your mind. But remember. . you need to be aware; and also communicate.
We all know that actions speak louder than words. But should one be judged on actions alone? I think not- to gain perspective one needs to look at the entire picture, and cancel out actions that might be caused by circumstances, like disability or handicap. Quite often we are trying to convince ourselves that we are on our path of choice,. Meanwhile we begin to adjust to complacency and neglect to pay close attention to the small details. And soon a small discrepancy becomes an ever increasing distance from the original path. This concept is crudely demonstrated in the following drawing.
At first the mistakes and errors seem negligible, but soon an ever widening gap happens to take one far from the intended goals
Brendan Perry of Dead Can Dance – American Dreaming puts it this way . . . “I need my conscience to keep watch over me To protect me from myself So I can wear honesty like a crown on my head When I walk into the promised land”
“Mindfulness (Pali: sati, Sanskrit: smṛti; also translated as awareness) is a spiritual faculty (indriya) that is considered to be of great importance in the path to enlightenment according to the teaching of the Buddha. It is one of the seven factors of enlightenment. “Correct” or “right” mindfulness (Pali: sammā-sati, Sanskrit samyak-smṛti) is the seventh element of the noble eightfold path.
Enlightenment (bodhi) is a state of being in which greed, hatred and delusion (Pali: moha) have been overcome, abandoned and are absent from the mind. Mindfulness, which, among other things, is an attentive awareness of the reality of things (especially of the present moment) is an antidote to delusion and is considered as such a ‘power’ (Pali: bala). This faculty becomes a power in particular when it is coupled with clear comprehension of whatever is taking place”.
The Buddha advocated that “One should establish mindfulness (satipatthana) in one’s day-to-day life maintaining as much as possible a calm awareness of one’s bodily functions, sensations (feelings), objects of consciousness (thoughts and perceptions), and consciousness itself. The practice of mindfulness supports analysis resulting in the arising of wisdom”.
“The true nature of the mind,” says the Dalai Lama, “is beyond any concept or physical form, and therefore it cannot be studied solely by third-person, scientific methods. Mind must also be studied through a rigorous observation of our own subjective experience”.
According to Gandhi, “Inner transformation is the key to change”.
Being mindful is a serious discipline, and to take it seriously will have long-lasting and fruitful events that accelerate your chosen path. It is an extreme awareness of what your habits are telling about you. If one is not happy about the message that is perceived by trusted loved ones, then one must make a conscience decision to make corrections, and be ever more aware of the consequence of any actions.
Waiting for Master to instruct
There is no conclusion until death robs one of any further endeavors or actions’ It is a life-long consignment. However real life BDSM/kink is a choice one makes every moment of every day. It works very well when you have a trusting, and trust-worthy companion. Being mindful may not be easy, but it need not be difficult. Know that if mistakes are made, then there are ways to correct.
Too many people wander about aimlessly in life and when it is over they wonder what happened. Foe me in my personal life I have made a commitment to Submission. I have decided to become a Slave to that real life BDSM/kink commitment. The commitment is to my Master Michael Samadhi. Near the end of my journey I only need to hear “Well done, you are good and faithful.”
- Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Why is always the most difficult question for me.
Please ask me when, what, or where. Those are questions I can likely answer.
But ask me – “Why?” – that’s a different story.
And, to be honest, that’s almost always been true. It was even true for the childhood games I once played.
Use CLUE® as an example. The game asked us to solve the who, what, and where. But, we don’t have to know why.
It was Colonel Mustard with the candlestick in the conservatory.
How succinct and simple. No need to discuss the colonel’s mental state or motivations. Just knowing he committed the crime was enough!
Ahhh, life should be so simple . . . .
If I’m going with “simple”, the simple answer for what the appeal of BDSM is to me, is that it’s fucking hot! If you don’t realize that, you’ve wandered over to the wrong blog by mistake. Please go back to Facebook
with my sympathies.
If I have to explain that, you’ll never get it!
I do it because kink is exhilarating and enthralling. BDSM makes my head spin, my heart race, and my dick throb.
I get excited making marks like this!
Is that good enough for you?
As to why any particular person is drawn to kink, present company included, I just don’t think anyone knows that part. Theories have been proposed, but there’s been very little real research.
Some try to tie our predilections to abuse, but I’m just not buying that one. Too many in our community had “normal” childhoods without abuse for that to be the single defining factor for our community.
In the end, we are really a microcosm of the rest of the world. We are your neighbors and coworkers. Some of us in the kink world are serious, some are silly. All socio-economic backgrounds are present, we come from all professions and walks of life.
I’m drawn to kink the same way someone else becomes a model train enthusiast. My obsession with BDSM isn’t that much different from the way someone else might have turned their AMWAY business into a lifestyle.
BDSM is my lifestyle. Kink is my hobby.
The worlds of kink and BDSM are realms where I feel at home. I’ve simply found subjects that fascinate me, and I’m running with it.
Don’t ask me why . . .
Just love me for how I am!
What is the appeal of BDSM? Why am I drawn to kink?
Why am I drawn to kink? If I have to explain you’ll never get it!
- Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink and BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
The appeal of kink and BDSM?
The biggest part I enjoy is the depth of BDSM and the M/s relationship. I enjoy the roles we have.
Mine to serve, honor and take direction from Master Michael. His to protect, control, direct and take the lead. And it is a force I am drawn to- like a moth to a flame
It is also called correctly submission. The dictionary definition is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. Synonyms are: yielding, capitulation, acceptance, consent, compliance.
More than a bedroom or playtime activity, we live this life 24/7. If all we did is play at roles it might be a simpler choice.
Full 24/7 M/s is a lot of work. It has times of difficulty. But, that is overcome by the joy and satisfaction of a real working relationship, it’s not a game.
I say a working relationship because relationships in a great variety of ways. I have to actively make choices at all times that will both satisfy and honor Master. I have to also be aware to not diminish my value to Master either by doing things beyond my capability, or by neglecting my health, and so on.
This is no less a challenge for Master either when you think that he is looking after and responsible for so much. He holds down a steady job and pays bills like any other.
However, he also takes ownership of the well-being of our relationship in intricate detail. Master is in the driver’s seat in the car, it is also a fact that he is in the Driver’s seat of our relationship and of how we live.
If for some reason Master chooses to ask me my opinion, I will give it as best I can. But, I always strive to defer to his decisions. At best I make suggestions of which Master then makes a choice or decides differently.
I follow – Day 13: Serafina’s 30 Days of Kink
a humorous BDSM/kink experience
I recall one day at the special spot we like to call the Kinky Cabin.
A day sunny, and just right. Master and I were waiting for Sir Alpha’s arrival.
I was tied to a bed inside naked and hands tied overhead and feet above, while Master lit a cigar, after it was wetted by my pussy and was out on the deck smoking while he scanned the edge of the woods for Sir.
Before long I heard voices as he arrived and he was delighted to see his quarry on display for him.
They finished smoking and released me only to then apply breath strips to my clit and restrained on top of a picnic table. for some time until there was a possibility for sunburn.
I was just released and sitting upright when the ranger showed up asking if we needed any more wood.
Otherwise there might have been some “splainin” to do!
BDSM Humor – Day 12: Serafina’s 30 Days of Kink