Anxiety and desire are two, often conflicting, orientations to the unknown. Both are tilted toward the future. Desire implies a willingness, or a need, to engage this unknown, while anxiety suggests a fear of it. Desire takes one out of oneself, into the possibility or relationship, but it also takes one deeper into oneself. Anxiety turns one back on oneself, but only onto the self that is already known.Mark Epstein
Kink of the Week July 16-31Getting wet in the rain
The splatter of gentle rain against a tin roof. Soft patterns of percussion overhead.
The even tonality of an overcast sky. It’s soft diffused light.
The fresh smell only rain can provide, unlike any other.
Rain is a sensuous experience. Or, it can be.
If only you allow yourself to feel it. Really feel it…
I love the power of Nature, in all its aspects.
I’ve always felt the power most strongly away from the works of man.
In the woods. On a shore. Standing at a canyon’s precipice.
I once lived in a National Park for a year. It was glorious.
But, no matter where I am, no matter what I might be doing, rain connects me to nature’s majesty and strength.
The vital power of rain speaks to the primal within me.
It awakens my senses. And, it arouses my desires.
The Tantric and the Master within me both revel in the energy rain provides for play.
Soak it up.
Soak it in.
I went to the desert, and there I found rain.
The skies opened up. It rained for days until the sand itself became saturated.
We walked and laughed in the rain at first. Joking about being beavers, we dammed a little stream in what was usually a dry desert gully.
The sprinkles from the sky came down harder. Then harder still. Soon, they were no longer sprinkles at all.
The dam burst. Beavers would have done better, I’m sure. So, we walked and laughed again.
I’ll share a little secret I learned that day. Don’t start a walk in the rain with the wind to your back…
We wandered for about an hour, then we turned, and headed for home.
The skies opened up. Water poured down harder and harder. The wind picked up. Nature’s power can be unrelenting.
It felt like my face was being scoured by the rain. My fancy raincoat soaked thru and stuck like a second skin, colder still than my own.
Arriving at camp, we shed our clothes, quickly.
I will always remember the rain beating down on my naked skin, like a full body shower.
We nearly knocked each other over crawling into the tent at the same time. Both seeking the warmth of our bedroll.
Inside the confines of our tent, snuggled into a giant sleeping bag together, Bliss and I smiled and laughed some more.
The sound of rain beating on the tent roof was hypnotic. So was her naked body.
We made love.
It was glorious, intense, and satisfying.
We lay together then for another hour, listening to the storm, basking in the glow of our lovemaking.
Time seemed suspended. We lay together almost as if in a trance.
The afterglow continued, as did the storm. But, the feeling of being sexually sated drifted away.
We explored each other’s bodies again. Perhaps less frantically, but still filled with the rain’s sensual energy.
Still more fully satisfied, the sun’s glow receding, we fell asleep with the dusk.
Rain, whose soft architectural hands have power to cut stones, and chisel to shapes of grandeur the very mountains.Henry Ward Beecher
I came semi-awake, in the dark, to a roar.
A deep rumbling. Earth lightly trembling under me.
The sound of rain falling on the tent was still present. But, this was deeper
A grip of fear struck me for a second as I fumbled for a flashlight.
I’d always wanted to witness a flash flood in the desert. But, not like this. Not in the middle of the night. Not while camping in an isolated campsite.
Grabbing the flashlight, I wandered off into the night, moving towards the rumble.
Sure enough, the arroyo we’d been playing in was flooding. A solid wall of red-brown water filled the gulch.
The water surged and rolled like an angry beast. The closer I got, the louder the sound. Large boulders, heavier than Bliss and I could lift together, were rumbling in the stream. Rolling and crashing like dice being tossed.
Then I realized we were stranded. The only way out crossed another similar ravine. I could hear a muffled roar in that direction too.
If the water got any higher, our camp was in danger of being flooded.
What to do?
Certain emotions just take you to the notes – being furious, heroic, sad, erotic, when rain comes.Jeff Buckley
Rain pouring down on me, I scurried back into the tent.
There was Bliss, awake now herself.
I explained the flood. I told her about the boulders rolling and tumbling against each other. She could hear the roar, feel the ground’s vibrations.
What to do?
Fuck the rain, the storm. Oh, fuck the flood. Just fuck it all.
Hey, let’s just fuck.
Rain is grace; rain is the sky descending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life.John Updike
When the morning came, the storm had passed, only light rain remained.
It was three days before the dirt road to our campsite opened back up.
When it was over, I was raw.
Anytime we lacked a purpose, anytime we lacked a plan, one of us would ask the question…
“What do you want to do now?”
“Let’s fuck,” became our refrain.
It took us all three days to work off all the energy we’d absorbed from our walk in the rain. The power infused from the ground trembling beneath us.
What glorious days they were…
The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
now THAT's a love bite . . .
It’s a truly wicked looking spider. Even a quick glance at this creature seems to signal it’s bad intent.
For individuals with arachnophobia, there really is something here to fear.
In fact, calling this little beast ‘highly venomous’ is a significant understatement.
It’s currently listed by Guinness World Records, the official site of ultimate record-breaking facts & achievements, as the most venous spider on the planet.
The scientific name for this spider is Phoneutria nigriventer, but it goes by many others. A good number of arachnids are known as ‘banana spider’, this is one of them.
From the word armadeiras in Brazilian Portuguese, it’s also one of the species known as ‘armed spiders’.
And, it has another common name that’s quite descriptive.
aka the Brazillian Wandering Spider
If the illustrations I’ve provided of the Brazillian Wandering Spider make it look imposing, that’s because it is a spectacular creature.
They grow in size until they are between 5″ and 6″ across.
Unlike other spiders that build webs, or hunt from lairs, this little beast wanders the jungle floor at night. Hunting for prey.
During the day they like to hide in dark moist places.
In nature that means termite mounds, under rocks and downed tree limbs. Inside bundles of bananas, and some favored species of plants.
It also means they are drawn to human dwellings. They hide under buildings. In houses, cars, clothes, boots, and boxes.
Anywhere it’s dark and damp.
In the Brazillian and Central American jungles, the habitat where these arachnids live, most everything is damp.
Front legs raised, Phoneutria nigriventer in it’s characteristic defensive posture.
it may not kill you, but …
Yes, the bite of the Brazillian Wandering Spider is potentially deadly.
The venom will cause paralysis, and ultimately asphyxiation. Tragically, there are confirmed cases of infant mortality.
The first bit of good news I can offer — Phoneutria nigriventer‘s jaws are not well adapted to piercing skin.
Meaning, despite the venom’s extreme toxicity, this spider’s bite is rarely fatal.
But the side effects of even small amounts of Brazillian Wandering Spider venom come with a very real kick.
It may not kill you, but …
The erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience along with the pain and discomfort.Romulo Leite
While generally not deadly to individuals beyond the age of infancy, the bite of the Brazillian Wandering Spider does have a very significant toxic effect.
It begins with intense generalized pain. Everywhere. And severe inflammation.
If that’s doesn’t sound bad enough, just wait. Lying there, body racked with excruciating pain, there is still another effect coming.
Adding insult to serious injury…
It’s a hard-on.
The stiff dick is also in excruciating pain, just like everything else.
And it won’t go away!
Remember those Viagra commercials? The ones warning you to seek medical attention if an erection lasts more than four hours?
Believe it or not, this is going to be one of those…
If you get an erection lasting more than 4 hours, seek immediate medical help to avoid long-term injury.Eli Lilly and Company
report to the emergency room
So, if you have a penis, and you’ve been bitten by one of those fucking Brazillian Wandering Spiders, it’s time for a trip to the emergency room.
Do not pass Go! Do not collect $200.
Get your silly spider bitten ass off to the closest doctor available.
If you’d like to keep using your dick, that is…
I’m not going to bore you, my dear reader, with all the medical explanations for why a
Suffice it to say that it is so. (Along with an open invitation to research the topic yourself if you don’t believe me. Here’s a link to start – Priapism.)
All I’ll say is this – the likely result of untreated priapism (whether caused by spiders or pharmaceuticals) will be a lifetime of total impotence.
Also, I will not describe one potential medical treatment for the never-ending erection, lest I discourage you from seeking the immediate medical your certainly will need.
It’s gruesome. But not nearly as bad as the alternative.
potential medical uses
Despite the extreme pain this spider’s bite causes, it should be no great surprise that the venom’s ability to create a strong erection is of great interest to science.
By science, at least in this case, I mean pharmaceutical companies.
Erectile dysfunction drugs are huge money makers. I’ve read that the biggest profits in the drug manufacturer’s arsenal come from ED medicines.
It makes sense. The potential market for the pills is huge. Sooner or later, if a man lives long enough, it’s pretty much inevitable he’s going to have erectile issues. For some, those issues can creep up as early as middle-age.
And, the mechanism in Brazillian Wandering Spider’s venom that causes hard-ons works differently than existing drugs like viagra.
So, drug manufacturers are very excited at the potential of a new drug. It could potentially be as big, or even bigger, than viagra.
I’d wager the thought of all those profits is giving some drug executive a stiffy right now.
what if you were not judged?
1. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I’d certainly “come out” as a person who’s active in the BDSM lifestyle sooner. In the end, the more authentic life I live, the happier I am. The primary thing that keeps a person from coming out is fear of judgment. Lacking anyone else’s judgment, everyone could live their authentic self, myself included.
2. Most recently how did you openly express love?
a concrete answer
I held my partner, my consensual slave, throughout the night after her weekly shot of methotrexate. The drug gives her terrible side effects, but it’s one of the essential treatments needed for her rheumatoid arthritis.
a more abstract answer
I’m an empathetic individual, I believe in living life as an expression of love. That sounds corny perhaps, but it’s a joyous way approaching life. I sit and cry with clients when they need to cry, I laugh with them when they need to laugh. If I make a mistake, it’s sometimes caring too much.
3. When is the last time you took a sexual risk? What was it?
On one hand, I’m not much of a risk taker, if it comes to potential STDs etc. For my generation, coming on the heels of the sexual revolution, the first generation that had to consider the risk of HIV, sexual risk meant STDs.
On the other hand, as a BDSM Master, a lot of what I do has potential risk. Some of the edges we play with in the BDSM community have the potential to cause physical (or mental) harm. With the right amount of education, perhaps an equal measure of dedication to practice, the risk can be significantly reduced, almost to the point of elimination.
I practice RACK, which is shorthand for Risk Aware Consensual Kink.
4. What sexual acts bring you the most pleasure?
There’s a special dance between a dominant and submissive, a sadist and masochist. An exchange of physical, emotional, and spiritual energies.
It is sublime.
5. Is there a belief or attitude that interferes with you creating or pursuing your sexual fantasy?
My beliefs and attitudes are in alignment with my desires. The only thing that interferes with pursuing any sexual fantasy I might have are real life circumstance. I am a truly fortunate man.
doubt – /dout/
verb (used with object)
- to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe.
- to distrust.
- Archaic. to fear; be apprehensive about.
verb (used without object)
- to be uncertain about something; be undecided in opinion or belief.
- a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something.
- a state of affairs such as to occasion uncertainty.
- Obsolete . fear; dread.
Everyone has doubts.
Yes, there are people who do their best to project an image of themselves without doubt. But, in my experience, those are actually the people with perhaps the most self doubt.
I certainly don’t try to project such an image myself. Yet, I can tell you that when in doubt, I point fingers at myself. Perhaps I am among those who have the greatest self doubt after all.
Now, when I was growing up, there was an adage – “When in doubt blame the dog!”
Some people treat their consensual slaves like dogs. In saying that, what I’m meaning is that it seems to me that some dominants are quick to point the finger of blame at their submissive. That’s actually the opposite of my usual personal style.
If one of my darling slaves makes a mistake, I usually look first to myself. Perhaps I didn’t give instructions clearly enough? Maybe I wasn’t clear in expressing my intentions and expectations? Could it be that I didn’t properly equip my girls to deal with a specific situation?
Yes, I’m big upon accountability. I’m big on people owning their own shit. But when it comes right down to it, when I’m thinking about my girls, when I’m considering their actions and issues, I’m usually looking first to blame myself.
They have me to hold them accountable, to take them to task if they decide it’s easier to ignore a rule, or protocol, we’ve all mutually agreed upon. But then who holds the master accountable for his own foibles, if not himself?
My own doubts have been amplified of late. I wrote in a previous post about my issues with sciatica pain. That kind of pain brings big doubts to mind for me . . .
Why me? Why now? What if the pain doesn’t go away? What then? How much longer will I be able to handle the physical strain of being a proper Master? What will my girls think if I’m unable to play as dynamically as I once did? What will I think if that happens?
Yes, when it comes to the topic of doubts these days, I have plenty . . .