The Joy of Kink is Live!

The Joy of Kink is Live!

Joy of Kink! It’s Here Opens Primarily Due to Sinnjara’s Technical Work

The Joy of Kink is finally open!

I’ve still got months of work there restoring old articles going back to 2011 from both and

Some will be completely rewritten, showing up at Joy of Kink completely transformed from their previous posting. Others will remain “as is”, outside of some loving restoration as they are transferred. Over time, many of the old articles will disappear from this site, redirected to the Joy of Kink.

Joy of Kink logo

Welcome to the Joy of Kink, a sex-positive website dedicated to exploring kink, BDSM, fetish, Tantra, and alternative sexuality in all its guises.

Source: Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome | Joy of Kink

By no means am I giving up on this domain.

This site will be all about sharing the news and stories I’m reading. I have a few other purposes in mind too. Please bear with me as we clean up all the “virtual dust” from the construction.

There’s still a long way to go in the renovations behind the scenes for Samadhi Chateau’s virtual homes, but the Joy of Kink is up and looking good…

Transgender People and “Biological Sex” Myths – Julia Serano – Medium

Transgender People and “Biological Sex” Myths – Julia Serano – Medium

Julia Serano’s logic seems very sound to me. I think I’d like to read more of her writing. I’ve read a lot of Patrick Califia, but am not as well educated on Transgender issues as I’d like…

“The idea of two sexes is simplistic. Biologists now think there is a wider spectrum than that.”

note: The day this was published, H.R. 2796 — a U.S. congressional bill that would legally re-define “man” and “woman” based on an individual’s “genetic sex,” as a means to rollback transgender rights — started to garner news & media attention. While this essay was not intended to address that bill specifically, it thoroughly undermines its logical, legal, and scientific standing…

The primary assumption driving most “biological sex” myths is that there are two discrete mutually exclusive sexes that are immutable (i.e., once born into a sex, you will always be a member of that sex). While there are a number of sexually dimorphic traits — such as chromosomes, gonads, external genitals, other reproductive organs, ratio of sex hormones, and secondary sex characteristics — many times these traits do not all align (i.e., all male, or all female) within the same person, as is the case for intersex and many transgender people…

Source: Transgender People and “Biological Sex” Myths – Julia Serano – Medium

Between starting this news blurb, and completing it, I did order a paperback copy of Serano’s book, Whipping Girl.

It’ll likely take me a few weeks to absorb everything. So, you should look for an upcoming review of Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity at the Joy of Kink sometime after the New Year…

I Accidentally Fell Into the Feeder Fetish Community

I Accidentally Fell Into the Feeder Fetish Community

I wrote a little about food play at all the way back in 2011.

While I would put all food-related fetishes into a single category together, there are actually many varied forms of “food play” …

The act of feeding and being fed elicits conversation, forges bonds, and creates community. Food is exciting. I, myself, am a cute fat girl who accidentally came into contact with my first ‘feeder’, a guy who experiences erotic pleasure from feeding.

Source: I Accidentally Fell Into the Feeder Fetish Community

I don’t have a feeder fetish. But, I do know and understand the power of feeding a kneeling submissive. I wrote a little teaser about it for Masturbation Monday over at the Joy of Kink called – The Naked Lunch.

I’m of the thought that it would be fun to write an entire series of posts about food-related fetishes.

Some, like splooshing, I’ve experienced. Others, like Nyotaimori, are still on my personal bucket-list.


My Whip Isn’t All Sinnja Kisses

My Whip Isn’t All Sinnja Kisses

This entry is part 2 of 5 in the series Art of Erotic Slavery

My whip isn’t all Sinnja kisses . . .

I’m sure you’ll see more and more of her here at the Joy of Kink blog as time passes.

Sinnja is a beautiful and delightful lady.

There’s no denying that she’s already a fixture in our hearts.

It’s gone so far already that there’s no denying that she’s a fixture in our lives too.

It’s hard to explain, how deep the affection has grown.

It’s all happened in such a short period of time.

At times it feels just a tad bit overwhelming.

But, there is never a time when it doesn’t feel right.

Yes, that’s my sexy, beautiful, and delightful submissive Sinnja.

She’s training to be a consensual erotic slave.


We joke about it, but it’s really true.

There’s no turning back now.

Our hearts are committed.

My Whip Isn’t All Sinnja Kisses

And, my skin isn’t the end of her reach . . .

She touches my heart!


She is Sinnja Samadhi.

She is also mine!

YKINMK – Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok)

YKINMK – Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok)

This entry is part 18 of 22 in the series Wicked Wednesday


This week’s Wicked Wednesday is about YKINMK.

Well, either that or YKINMKBYKIOK.

OK, maybe that’s really YKIOKIJNMK, or perhaps even TKINMKBTOK.

In case you don’t already know, or the post’s title didn’t give it away, YKINMK is an acronym for Your Kink Is Not My Kink.

All the rest of the alternative acronyms are just variations on a theme.

For instance, YKINMKBYKIOK then abbreviates Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is OK.

The other two you can figure for yourself.  (Alternately, you can use the illustration that Marie Rebel, the lovely hostess/owner/beauty/brains behind Wicked Wednesday has so thoughtfully provided to accompany this week’s prompt – see below)

They are really all designed to provide the same message for the Kink/BDSM community.  That is, in the end, a message of tolerance.

we are all outlaws

The reason tolerance is so very important is the fact that within the kink community, and especially within the BDSM community, we are all outside the sexual mainstream.  It could be, quite accurately, said that we are all outlaws.

Although it wasn’t the main point of the essay, I touched on this in a recent post here at the Joy of Kink, “O” is for Outlaw No More.

It’s no longer illegal to be gay.  It’s still illegal for me to spank my wife.  A man no longer has to risk his home and livelihood to suck another man’s cock, but he’s still risking everything if he wants to tie his partner up and slap the cock (and or partner) around a little before he sucks it.

Kink is more common and more accepted in our society than ever before, yet we are still criminalized.  When a reckless and misguided individual that was a part of the BDSM community began outing people, it was an offense worthy of being banned from the club.

Because we are all outlaws.  Because some of our actives are at best questionable under the law, and at worst outright illegal, we all have a vested interest in tolerance.  Your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is ok because we all have to be tolerant, lest the entire community dissolve into a battleground of criminal charges against most every participant.


Of course the message isn’t universal.  YKINMYAYKIPFU does exist.

In case the FU at the end didn’t make the last acronym obvious, that one stands for – Your Kink Is Not My Kink (And Your Kink Is Pretty Fucked Up).

To be very honest, YKINMYAYKIPFU is going to exist.  It’s inevitable.

Folks who are coprophiliacs make a perfect example.  Something close to a year and a half ago I wrote an essay about a Fetlife debate that touched on the subject of coprophilia.  The post was called – Kid, we don’t like your kind, and we’re gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington.  Here’s a quote from the relevant portion of that post, to illustrate this point:

There’s a lot of debate going on at Fetlife right now about freedom of speech. The debate was sparked in light of the decision to place stronger limits on what cannot be posted and discussed at this site. This decision was taken after Fetlife lost their credit card processor, a result of hosting discussions on some subjects that are taboo.

One vocal group in the debate has been the coprophiliacs. They resent being lumped together with the pedophiles, zoophilics, and incest fetishists. I’ve also read a few rumblings from the zoosexual folk that they resent being lumped together with the pedophiles too. The incest lovers don’t really want to be associated with pedophiles either, at least that’s my understanding. Apparently being a pedophile is like farting in church – nobody wants to sit next to you!

Every one of those mentioned activities – coprophilia, zoophilia, pedophilia, and incest fetishism – is on the average BDSMer’s list of hard limits.  Yet, each group had vocal adherents in the FetLife debate.

My point is that the philosophy of “Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok)” runs into it’s biggest snags the more extreme the fetish becomes, not to mention the more it falls outside of “mainstream” thinking for the BDSM community.  That’s because somebody somewhere is going to find one of your personal hard limits to be their greatest turn-on in the world.  Does the philosophy of Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok) apply to children, pets, shit, and relatives too?

lines drawn in the sand?

It seems that Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok) works fine up to a point, but then there are lines drawn in the sand.  Those lines are drawn based on what is considered to be “beyond the beyond” for the person drawing the line.  I might allow in the zoophiliacs and the incest fetishists but segregate the coprophiles and pedophiles.  You might draw the lines differently.

So, perhaps to be most accurate, YKINMK should perhaps be changed to YKINMKATOKUYKIJS – Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That’s OK Unless Your Kink Is Just Sick.

Dang, like debates about censorship, we are now on a slippery slope.  Where do we draw the lines?  How do I define some activities as “just sick”, but not others, when mainstream society considers most of what I do to be “just sick”.

Is it like the infamous quote by Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, who quipped – “I know it when I see it” – referring to obscenity and hard core pornography?

Who gets to say where that line is drawn?

Certainly, there are cultures where sex with minors is considered acceptable.  Some cultures have ritualized the act.  Should they get a pass on the pedophilia restriction if it’s a part of an existing New Guinean religion just as some Rastafarian’s argue that they should be given an exception to the law for smoking their sacrament, which is the illegal drug cannabis?

YKINMK – Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok)

It’s easy to preach tolerance, it’s much harder to practice.  And the lines can get pretty blurry.  If somebody else wants to hurl shit at their sex partner, it’s no skin off my nose.

Just don’t do it in my home and we’ll all be fine.  You don’t need to offend my nose while practicing your kink.

Touch a friend’s underage daughter, and that’s a different story, at least for me.  I’m tolerant, but there are limits!

Where do yours lie?

Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok up to a point)


Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked