It’s ALL About the Bond

Wicked Wednesday

Prompt #270: Bond

When I first read Wicked Wednesday Prompt #270: Bond – I was stumped.  The attached video of the lovely performance didn’t help me any either.  I found no inspiration.

Then, after a nap this afternoon, I realized what the prompt meant to me.  Of course!

The special bonds I’ve found in BDSM relationships have been closer and deeper than any I’ve ever felt.  That is what inspires me to write on this topic.

vanilla’s just another spice

I want to say up front that I’m not going to claim (as some do) that BDSM relationships are always deeper.

I won’t even begin to say being part of a BDSM relationship creates a bond more special than other relationships styles.

You see, I’ve witnessed vanilla relationships with just as close a connection.  My Aunt and Uncle (Father’s brother and his wife) were one of the most exceptional couples I’ve ever met.  

I do know they shared an active sex life together all the way to the end.  I’m guessing they were pretty kinky too, at least all indications leaned that way.

But the relationship style was pure vanilla.

The bond they shared was forged in the great depression and a world war.

But, beyond that, it was built from shared hardships, common experiences, and mutual pleasures.

Those are the same elements which the best BDSM style relationships are also built upon.

Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.

Jalaluddin Rumi

mutual pleasure

Without a doubt, the deepest relationships I’ve ever had were Master/slave relationships.

Obviously, I don’t believe that BDSM relationships feature an inherently deeper bond than other relationship styles.  But, it’s clear they can offer a path to a very close connection.

So, what is it about power exchange relationships that elicit such deep intimacy and closeness?

I think, in the case of successful power exchange relationships, it starts with mutual pleasure.

Often that is what attracted us to each other in the first place.  Our common interests in power exchange, kink, fetish, BDSM.

At least that’s how it has been for me, those times when I’ve found a great bond with others.

Granted, I’ve always been a very sexual creature.  And elements of BDSM have been part of my sexuality since my earliest memory.

I’ve nothing against pure vanilla.  In fact, I consider it to be just another spice.  But, it’s not my preference.  It’s not my kink, but that’s ok.

With that in mind, nearly all of the peak experiences I’ve shared with submissive partners, with my slaves, have been built around BDSM.

And, it’s those incredible mutual pleasures that help to build the very strong bond that often happens in power exchange/authority exchange relationships.

You don’t build a bond without being present.

James Earl Jones

common experience

If common experiences are another part of creating a great bond, opportunities abound within BDSM relationships.

Munches and play parties are a good example.  When folks in a power exchange relationship attend a play party (or even a munch) it can create memorable experiences they will always share.

At the very least, they aren’t off playing golf or attending church groups alone.

Bigger events and festivals can have even greater effects.

I know that I was inspired to become a presenter one weekend while attending Kinky Kollege in Chicago.  A visit to IML (also in Chicago) served as the catalyst for the formation of the first MAsT group in Iowa.

And, I know that Twisted Tryst, a four day weekend of camping and kinky debauchery, has had a dramatic effect on the lives of many.

If it’s true that the family that plays together stays together, then power exchange relationships offer great opportunities for bonding through those common experiences.

Love is the bond of perfection.

John Winthrop

shared hardships

I know it may seem a little odd at first that I’ve included shared hardships as a part of bonding.  I know it happens as a part of power exchange relationships.  And, to my mind, it’s a very common occurrence.

For most power exchange participants, keeping their kink activities in the closet is a necessity.  Perhaps we are out to friends or even family.  But, it’s rare for most to have our kink fully integrated into our lives.

Obviously, that’s a form of a shared hardship, the kind that can create a strong bond in relationships.

Parents with children face a similar situation.

Hiding a vibrator or dildo may cause a certain sense of unease for parents of inquisitive children.  But, needing to conceal floggers and other similar implements of instruction can be more anxiety inducing still.

The need to keep our authentic lives secret creates a shared hardship that bonds those of us who have immersed ourselves in power exchange ever closer to each other.

bond – Michael’s way

I really don’t enjoy power exchange, or any form of BDSM play, without a connection.  It does nothing for me without a bond.

I stopped doing “pick-up” play of any kind a while back, for that very reason.

I need that bond.  It could be said that I crave it.

Without that connection, the power exchange is really a role-play.  Roleplaying and cosplay are fun, but they aren’t what truly fuel my fire.

It really is ALL about the bond for me…

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

The Best of Dickin’ Around…

dildo flippin' fun

I saw this on Facebook today, and thought it was an absolute hoot!

A post shared by Saucenstein (@piegle) on

Perhaps even better than the video itself, was the commentary offered by renowned BDSM author, Laura Antoniou.

Here. You wanna have a new freakin’ contest in the kink scene? This. I want to see the quarter-finals for this, and the grand…er…slam. I guess? I want to see folks going all balls to the wall while flinging their johnsons.

I want to hear announcers and color-folk and their coverage.

“And here’s Master Wolfdick, he surprised us all with that Triple Tallywhacker in Tulsa…”

“Oh, what a disappointment for Pup Waggletail! Her Bouncing Boner is *just* outside the target area. That’ll for sure put a knot in her plans to head for the final round.”

“Slave Stoneybutt approaches the line, eyes the course. Hey, is that the new Love Truncheon model from Dicks by Dykes, Sally?”

“It sure is, Jake, available in the vendor space for only $19.99 tonight…”

“Wow, look at that arc! This fucker really knows how to fly! And that’s one bounce – a flip – and it sticks the landing! Amazing!”

“Right on target! that’s some fast fascinus, for sure – I bet we’ll be seeing a lot more of those in future trials. Remember, the Love Truncheon is made in 16 colors and patterns by Dicks by Dykes, an official sponsor of the Northwest Goodfellow Games!”

Laura Antoniou

Antoniou’s commentary was as much fun (for me) as the video itself.

Laura is, of course, the author of the Marketplace series, a true classic in kink literature.

And, she’s no stranger to writing comedy/satire either.  Her book, The Killer Wore Leather, is a satirical classic in its own right.

I’d considered writing my own commentary, similar to Laura’s.  But, when in the presence of a Master of their trade…

Anyway, I hope it’s all good, eliciting a giggle (or laughter) for you too.

Rain Speaks… It Calls Me

Kink of the Week July 16-31

Getting wet in the rain
Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. Roger Miller

The splatter of gentle rain against a tin roof.  Soft patterns of percussion overhead.

The even tonality of an overcast sky.  It’s soft diffused light.

The fresh smell only rain can provide, unlike any other.

Rain is a sensuous experience.  Or, it can be.

If only you allow yourself to feel it.  Really feel it…

I love the rain. I want the feeling of it on my face. Katherine Mansfield

I love the power of Nature, in all its aspects.

I’ve always felt the power most strongly away from the works of man.

In the woods.  On a shore.  Standing at a canyon’s precipice.

I once lived in a National Park for a year.  It was glorious.

But, no matter where I am, no matter what I might be doing, rain connects me to nature’s majesty and strength.

The rain began again. It fell heavily, easily, with no meaning or intention but the fulfillment of its own nature, which was to fall and fall. Helen Garner

The vital power of rain speaks to the primal within me.

It awakens my senses.  And, it arouses my desires.

The Tantric and the Master within me both revel in the energy rain provides for play.

Soak it up.

Soak it in.

Life is the fire that burns and the sun that gives light. Life is the wind and the rain and the thunder in the sky. Life is matter and is earth, what is and what is not, and what beyond is in Eternity. Lucius Annaeus Seneca

desert showers

I went to the desert, and there I found rain.

The skies opened up.  It rained for days until the sand itself became saturated.

We walked and laughed in the rain at first.  Joking about being beavers, we dammed a little stream in what was usually a dry desert gully.

The sprinkles from the sky came down harder.  Then harder still.  Soon, they were no longer sprinkles at all.

The dam burst.  Beavers would have done better, I’m sure.  So, we walked and laughed again.

I’ll share a little secret I learned that day.  Don’t start a walk in the rain with the wind to your back…

We wandered for about an hour, then we turned, and headed for home.

The skies opened up.  Water poured down harder and harder.  The wind picked up.  Nature’s power can be unrelenting.

It felt like my face was being scoured by the rain.  My fancy raincoat soaked thru and stuck like a second skin, colder still than my own.

Arriving at camp, we shed our clothes, quickly.

I will always remember the rain beating down on my naked skin, like a full body shower. 

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain. Mae West

finding bliss

We nearly knocked each other over crawling into the tent at the same time.  Both seeking the warmth of our bedroll.

Inside the confines of our tent, snuggled into a giant sleeping bag together, Bliss and I smiled and laughed some more.

The sound of rain beating on the tent roof was hypnotic.  So was her naked body.

We made love.

It was glorious, intense, and satisfying.

We lay together then for another hour, listening to the storm, basking in the glow of our lovemaking.

Time seemed suspended.  We lay together almost as if in a trance.

The afterglow continued, as did the storm.  But, the feeling of being sexually sated drifted away.

We explored each other’s bodies again.  Perhaps less frantically, but still filled with the rain’s sensual energy.

Still more fully satisfied, the sun’s glow receding, we fell asleep with the dusk. 

Rain, whose soft architectural hands have power to cut stones, and chisel to shapes of grandeur the very mountains.

Henry Ward Beecher

flash

I came semi-awake, in the dark, to a roar.

A deep rumbling.  Earth lightly trembling under me.

The sound of rain falling on the tent was still present.  But, this was deeper

A grip of fear struck me for a second as I fumbled for a flashlight.

I’d always wanted to witness a flash flood in the desert.  But, not like this.  Not in the middle of the night.  Not while camping in an isolated campsite.

Grabbing the flashlight, I wandered off into the night, moving towards the rumble.

Sure enough, the arroyo we’d been playing in was flooding.  A solid wall of red-brown water filled the gulch.

The water surged and rolled like an angry beast.  The closer I got, the louder the sound.  Large boulders, heavier than Bliss and I could lift together, were rumbling in the stream.  Rolling and crashing like dice being tossed.

Then I realized we were stranded.  The only way out crossed another similar ravine.  I could hear a muffled roar in that direction too.

If the water got any higher, our camp was in danger of being flooded.

What to do?

Certain emotions just take you to the notes – being furious, heroic, sad, erotic, when rain comes.

Jeff Buckley

flood

Rain pouring down on me, I scurried back into the tent.

There was Bliss, awake now herself.

I explained the flood.  I told her about the boulders rolling and tumbling against each other.  She could hear the roar, feel the ground’s vibrations.

What to do?

“Let’s fuck!”

Fuck the rain, the storm.  Oh, fuck the flood.  Just fuck it all.

Hey, let’s just fuck.

We did.

Rain is grace; rain is the sky descending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life.

John Updike

morning

When the morning came, the storm had passed, only light rain remained.

It was three days before the dirt road to our campsite opened back up.

When it was over, I was raw.

Anytime we lacked a purpose, anytime we lacked a plan, one of us would ask the question…

“What do you want to do now?”

“Let’s fuck,” became our refrain.

It took us all three days to work off all the energy we’d absorbed from our walk in the rain.  The power infused from the ground trembling beneath us.

What glorious days they were…

The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow