We had a small celebration of sorts yesterday.
One year ago today Serafinas was officially collared as my slave. We could neither afford, nor did we have the energy to put together anything big this year to celebrate, so we simply invited our very dear friend Alpha Bull down to visit. Our friendship with Alpha is by far the deepest we share in the community, which itself is significant.
But, the invitation was full of other meaning as well. In addition to giving the formal toast after the ceremony, Alpha was the man chosen to bring a blindfolded and nearly naked Serafina down the aisle to me, on a leash. To top everything else off, Alpha had given us a case of Naked Wines as a gift at the ceremony, and I’d promised to share one bottle with him on the event’s anniversary. I’ve actually held back the entire case, thinking that as long as the wine holds out, we can sample a bottle every year on the collaring’s anniversary.
For yesterday, Sinnjara supplied a very delicious Rye Whiskey she picked up just for the event, as she’d once heard me mention that Rye was one of Alpha’s favorite drinks. Serafina slaved over the stove for two consecutive days to produce a chocolate cake-pie and a Lemon Meringue pie.
Me? I supplied the cigars. Sinnjara smoked a Tatiana Mocha Caramely, Serafina had a CAO Cherry Bomb Cigarillo, while Alpha and I savored the pairing of Sinnja’s rye whiskey with a Joya De Nicaragua Antaño 1970 Lanceros.
Also, mirroring my efforts at the collaring ceremony, I grilled meat. I’ve been cooking meat over a grill since the 1970’s, I did it professionally while supporting myself as a youth. It’s not only something I’m good at, it’s a joy for me to do as well. Slow cooking meat over a grill is almost as relaxing as enjoying a fine cigar. Pairing the two together (not to mention the addition of Sinnjara’s Rye) is always an outstanding experience for me.
As we were sitting around discussing the news, the topic of rape play came up. It seems that a mutual friend of ours acted out a rape fantasy with a lady at the Kinky Kottage, so Alpha was sharing the story as he knew it.
Now let’s be honest, rape play isn’t an everyday topic here, but, truth told, it’s relatively common as a fantasy. I’ve seen estimates that more than 50% of women have, at some time in their life, fantasized about forced or coerced sex. The popularity of what I call “bodice ripping” harlequin style romance novels is proof positive that it’s not an uncommon fantasy at all. Certainly, it’s a marketable niche to say the least.
Now I do want to be clear about one thing – in talking about “rape play” – we are discussing a special niche within BDSM, the realm of consensual non-consent. Because rape and force fantasies are so common, a lot of protocols have been developed within the community to try and make fulfilling the fantasies relatively safe. Even with that said, any kind of consensual non-consent is edge play. It’s not anything to be taken lightly, or to be done without some serious forethought.
I have a very dear friend who hopes to live out rape fantasies. I’ve pledged to help her live them out, and I’m not the kind of man to give my word like that lightly. But, because she has become a dear friend, I’ve begun to wonder if my role in fulfilling her fantasy will only end up being advisory. I may have to help organize her rape, but not be able to take part myself.
Well, the proposition was put forth yesterday, that for a lady to really have her fantasy fulfilled, it’s best done by someone she doesn’t know, a stranger. It’s pretty logical if you think about it. If Dee and I feel affection and sexual attraction for each other, it’s not like anything I do with her could be realistic enough to fulfill the fantasy. Oh I could hurt her, she could struggle, we could have some really nasty rough sex that verged on the non-consensual. That sounds like a good time to me. But seriously, how can it be non-consensual if there is any kind of preexisting attraction?
That’s one key difference between real life and fantasy. In the real world, a high percentage of rapes are committed by individuals who might be considered friends, or at least part of a shared social circle. While there may be women who fantasize about being raped by a friend, that’s not how the fantasy usually works . . .
It was such a fascination conversation that we had, I’d like to continue it here. What are your thoughts on consensual non-consent and rape play?
I believe in sunshine.
I don’t mean that literally, like the rays of the sun. Instead I mean it in the sense of everything happening in the light, nothing hidden or deliberately obscured in the shadows.
When I first asked Sinnjara to wear my collar, I told her I only had two real rules – honesty and transparency. Sure, I have protocols that I want to be followed, they all have their own meaning in my heart. But the two rules, they are the core of it all!
In short, I believe in the truth.
Just the other day, I gave an old quote to my Serafina and Sinnjara, I said, ‘The truth shall set you free.” I really believe that it does.
Completely bare honest truth, nothing held back, that’s what I desire. The kind of D/s relationship I want with my girls is all about knowing their desires, then using them for my own ends and means.
I repay their honesty and transparency in the same coin. The only thing I hide from them are the wicked plans my brain is hatching for their training and use. Sometimes it’s better if they don’t know those in advance.
Sometimes the truth is difficult. The thoughts we have aren’t always pretty. But when mistakes are made, and being human it’s inevitable that we ALL will make them, it’s important to me that we own them. If we brush our problems under the carpet, or sweep them out the door, they never were resolved. And those kind of thing tend to hang in the air, getting heavier and heavier over time, until their weight can no longer be borne.
At that point, there’s real trouble, and the recriminations can be worse still.
Why didn’t you tell me?
Why was this hidden?
What else are you hiding?
Those are the questions that often come to mind, And they can be destructive questions. Sometimes, it’s all heavy enough to end good relationships. And, that’s especially true when we start mixing BDSM and polyamory in as part of the relationship’s structure. It’s so easy for submissives and slaves, who tend towards shyness anyway, to decide they don’t need to bother Master with a difficult truth. “Oh, Master has had such a tough day, he doesn’t need the additional burden right now,” or so they can so easily tell themselves.
It’d dangerous territory to enter, at least from my perspective, when we decide to put off the truth. Soon enough, inconvenient truths are forgotten, pushed under the proverbial rug. When the rug accumulates enough of them, the “room” the relationship is inside doesn’t have secure footing for anyone. Sweeping things under the carpet will eventually catch up to a person.
Yes, it can be dangerous (or seem so) to be completely open to another person, but to me the dangers of failing to do so are far far worse.
We were celebrating a friend’s birthday, and I’ll be damned if it didn’t turn into something just short of an orgy . . .
It’s been a long tough summer for everyone in my leather family. As I talked about previously in a post called #$@&%*! Sciatica!?!, pain from a vertebrae literally sitting on a nerve has left me in agony since spring. When Master suffers it wears on everyone. No matter how hard I try, there’s just no way around the fact that when I’m in severe pain it’s going to have an effect on my girls.
At the same time I was suffering, Sinnjara spent the better part of two months moving to a new place. All the while she was spending between three and five nights a week here with Serafina and I. The stress of the move got to be so much that I sent Serafina to help for a couple of weeks back in July. I hope it helped, but know it was still a stressful time for all involved. Serafina’s had her own issues with back pain too, and I’m sure all the extra work didn’t help her chronic problems.
So, for being such a diligent slave, and for helping me through the summer (her service really has been taken up to a new level) I felt Serafina needed a reward. When a corset sale showed up in my “in-box”, it proved to be an opportune time to act. Not only did I find a corset in my price range (under $60) – I found one that is easily the equal of most any others in her collection in terms of it’s beauty.
The current thinking is that we’ll be adding some new protocols to give her more excuses to dress up for me. For instance, she’ll be dressing in one of her corsets every time I have a cigar.