One year ago today Serafinas was officially collared as my slave. We could neither afford, nor did we have the energy to put together anything big this year to celebrate, so we simply invited our very dear friend Alpha Bull down to visit. Our friendship with Alpha is by far the deepest we share in the community, which itself is significant.
But, the invitation was full of other meaning as well. In addition to giving the formal toast after the ceremony, Alpha was the man chosen to bring a blindfolded and nearly naked Serafina down the aisle to me, on a leash. To top everything else off, Alpha had given us a case of Naked Wines as a gift at the ceremony, and I’d promised to share one bottle with him on the event’s anniversary. I’ve actually held back the entire case, thinking that as long as the wine holds out, we can sample a bottle every year on the collaring’s anniversary.
For yesterday, Sinnjara supplied a very delicious Rye Whiskey she picked up just for the event, as she’d once heard me mention that Rye was one of Alpha’s favorite drinks. Serafina slaved over the stove for two consecutive days to produce a chocolate cake-pie and a Lemon Meringue pie.
Me? I supplied the cigars. Sinnjara smoked a Tatiana Mocha Caramely, Serafina had a CAO Cherry Bomb Cigarillo, while Alpha and I savored the pairing of Sinnja’s rye whiskey with a Joya De Nicaragua Antaño 1970 Lanceros.
Also, mirroring my efforts at the collaring ceremony, I grilled meat. I’ve been cooking meat over a grill since the 1970’s, I did it professionally while supporting myself as a youth. It’s not only something I’m good at, it’s a joy for me to do as well. Slow cooking meat over a grill is almost as relaxing as enjoying a fine cigar. Pairing the two together (not to mention the addition of Sinnjara’s Rye) is always an outstanding experience for me.
As we were sitting around discussing the news, the topic of rape play came up. It seems that a mutual friend of ours acted out a rape fantasy with a lady at the Kinky Kottage, so Alpha was sharing the story as he knew it.
Now let’s be honest, rape play isn’t an everyday topic here, but, truth told, it’s relatively common as a fantasy. I’ve seen estimates that more than 50% of women have, at some time in their life, fantasized about forced or coerced sex. The popularity of what I call “bodice ripping” harlequin style romance novels is proof positive that it’s not an uncommon fantasy at all. Certainly, it’s a marketable niche to say the least.
Now I do want to be clear about one thing – in talking about “rape play” – we are discussing a special niche within BDSM, the realm of consensual non-consent. Because rape and force fantasies are so common, a lot of protocols have been developed within the community to try and make fulfilling the fantasies relatively safe. Even with that said, any kind of consensual non-consent is edge play. It’s not anything to be taken lightly, or to be done without some serious forethought.
I have a very dear friend who hopes to live out rape fantasies. I’ve pledged to help her live them out, and I’m not the kind of man to give my word like that lightly. But, because she has become a dear friend, I’ve begun to wonder if my role in fulfilling her fantasy will only end up being advisory. I may have to help organize her rape, but not be able to take part myself.
Well, the proposition was put forth yesterday, that for a lady to really have her fantasy fulfilled, it’s best done by someone she doesn’t know, a stranger. It’s pretty logical if you think about it. If Dee and I feel affection and sexual attraction for each other, it’s not like anything I do with her could be realistic enough to fulfill the fantasy. Oh I could hurt her, she could struggle, we could have some really nasty rough sex that verged on the non-consensual. That sounds like a good time to me. But seriously, how can it be non-consensual if there is any kind of preexisting attraction?
That’s one key difference between real life and fantasy. In the real world, a high percentage of rapes are committed by individuals who might be considered friends, or at least part of a shared social circle. While there may be women who fantasize about being raped by a friend, that’s not how the fantasy usually works . . .
It was such a fascination conversation that we had, I’d like to continue it here. What are your thoughts on consensual non-consent and rape play?
For TMI Tuesday: July 1, 2014, some questions about life . . .
1. We learn from our mistakes. What sex or sexual mistakes have you made and learned from? What was the lesson learned?
Back when I started doing BDSM there were no guidebooks, no websites describing how to play kinky, and the first organizations dedicated to BDSM education were just getting started. So every mistake was a learning experience.
For instance, one of the earliest lessons I learned was playing sexual games with foods. I was dipping my cock in chocolate, whipped cream, caramel sauce, etc. and then having my first wife (who was blindfolded) lick off the sauce. Being young and poor, there weren’t many options in the fridge, so I ended up resorting to some flavorings that aren’t exactly traditional fare for that kind of play.
One of the things I tried was ketchup. It wasn’t exactly a rousing success. After it was all over, I was told that I “ruined” ketchup for her, and it’s pretty much true that she didn’t use ketchup on her food for the better part of the next year.
Lesson learned – there’s a real reason non-traditional food items and condiments aren’t used for sexual play
2. What risk (sexual or not) would you take if you knew you would not fail?
This is a difficult one for me, because I’m already a bit of a sexual rebel. I take calculated risks as a part of my play every day.
One of the things I’ve never done is to have a one night stand. Because sex and love are tied together in my mind, I’m not sure I’m physically capable of having a one night stand. If I knew with certainty I could perform, a one night stand scenario might become somewhat tempting to fulfill. Well, maybe once . . .
3. At what time in your life have you felt most passionate and alive?
I have a wonderful slave/wife, Serafina, we’ve been together for more than a decade now. I have a wonderful submissive, Sinnja, who Serafina and I love dearly. I’m living a 24/7 BDSM lifestyle and loving it.
4. What one piece of advice about sex would you offer the virgin you?
Go for it!
5. What are you avoiding?
Deciding what I want to be when I grow up!
6. By what age should you know what you want to do with your life?
See answer #5. You’d think I’d have it figured out by age 50. Al I really want is to be a good Master to Serafina and Sinnja.
Bonus: Do you think you’ve experienced true intimacy in a relationship?
Of course! I do well with intimacy, so unlike knowing what I want to be when I get up, I’ve got the intimacy stuff down.
Mistakes, Risks, Procrastination, and Intimacy – Just Another TMI Tuesday
Here’s the lede for School Days TMI Tuesday: June 24, 2014 —
For many areas of the world, this time of year is graduation time at formal institutions of learning. Thus, it is a good time for us to think back about our own education.
Below is a list of academic fields of study. For as many of these disciplines as possible, share a memory. It could be something that happened in class, an Aha! moment, something about the teacher or something that was helpful later in life.
I should note, up front, that all my serious memories associated with education are from high school, rather than college.
During my college years I was married, working full time, as well as taking a full load of courses. I smoked more than my share of pot to cope. It’s a a foggy blur now. I’m still not even sure what I learned from “higher education”, other than not to hold the joint. “Puff, puff, pass!” not “Puff . . . . . Puff . . . . . . Puff . . . . . Pass . . . . ”
The things you can learn in a community college parking lot!
School Daze for TMI Tuesday
Because of an academic scholarship, I attended a very small, but very exclusive, college preparatory school for middle school and high school. Because the school was small, that meant one particular teacher taught English for 7th, 9th, and 11th grade classes. If that seems like a lot, note that he also taught Literature for 8th and 10th grades.
Arlen, what I’ll call him since that was his first name, was an exacting teacher who pushed us at a very high level. In 7th grade, we were using College Freshman level texts. I owe Arlen a huge debt of gratitude, as he is very much responsible for the communication skills I use today in writing this blog.
Sadly, I read in the local paper a few years back, that the best English teacher I’ve had the pleasure to know had passed. I wrote about him on a vanilla blog I was working at the time, a tribute to the man who taught me far more than just how to write, he taught me how to communicate.
I had a history teacher named Dorian Gray – like title of the book by Oscar Wilde. He absolutely hated his given name, and always went by his initials instead. After natural science, history/social studies were my strongest subjects. Never, not once in my entire life, have I had to study for a science or history test.
3. Foreign Language (French, Spanish, Latin…)
I swear, Madame Younge was a Parisian Dominatrix before emigrating to the United States. Talk about exacting! I had her for 7th Grade French, and studiously avoided her the rest of my middle school and high school years simply because I didn’t want to have to live through all the work it entailed being one of her “favorites”.
For some reason Mme Younge took a “liking” to me. Apparently she saw some kind of “potential” in me that she wanted to help me fulfill. Lord knows I’ve seen that sort of things in submissives, for instance I saw potential in Sinnja the first night we met, and knew she just needed to stop fighting herself to achieve it. But, to be able to see the potential of a 7th grader, that’s a whole different league of taking a “read” on someone.
I did end up as a member of the National French Honor Society. So, she was right about me, at least to an extent. And, I’ve become a bit of an exacting dominant at times myself.
Thanks Mme Younge!
I’ve never had an official psychology class. With that said, psychology is at the heart of all human endeavors, especially the art of domination and submission. I’ve studied lots and lots of psychology
A brilliant mathematician, my middle school and high school math teacher at the previously mentioned college prep school was a world class bridge player. Who says math doesn’t apply in the real world?
I took Physics my senior year in high school. It was a unique opportunity as the class was 1-on-1, it was just the professor and myself. I mostly did experiments and fixed electronics for the school.
Yes, you heard right, despite paying tuition that would rival the cost of college, I spent the better part of my senior year doing “fixer-up” projects for the school’s Headmaster.
Learning how to mix two chemicals together that would then spontaneously combust . . .
My strongest subject.
On the ACT college entrance exam, I achieved a perfect score in the natural Sciences. In addition to the one-on-one class I had for Physics in my senior year, I was also the only student in an Anatomy and Physiology class my junior year. Using a 300 level college textbook for the class, I completed everything, all the assignments, inside of a single semester. I then spent most of the second half of the year dissecting critters to illustrate comparative anatomy.
We had a pair of German Exchange students that were exceptionally cute my last year of high school. Paula and Claudia were their names.
Gym class is where I learned that German girls don’t shave their armpits.
Bonus:Did you have sex education class in school? What grade or age did you have this class? Thinking back on the sex education class what was the most surprising thing you learned? Was this class helpful to you in your sex life?
Sadly, there’s really nothing to tell. We never had sex education classes. End of story.
While we are on the topic of sex education, I now teach sex education classes. At least I am starting to do demos for the BDSM community. My first is coming up in just a couple more months for a local group.