It’s ALL About the Bond

Wicked Wednesday

Prompt #270: Bond

When I first read Wicked Wednesday Prompt #270: Bond – I was stumped.  The attached video of the lovely performance didn’t help me any either.  I found no inspiration.

Then, after a nap this afternoon, I realized what the prompt meant to me.  Of course!

The special bonds I’ve found in BDSM relationships have been closer and deeper than any I’ve ever felt.  That is what inspires me to write on this topic.

vanilla’s just another spice

I want to say up front that I’m not going to claim (as some do) that BDSM relationships are always deeper.

I won’t even begin to say being part of a BDSM relationship creates a bond more special than other relationships styles.

You see, I’ve witnessed vanilla relationships with just as close a connection.  My Aunt and Uncle (Father’s brother and his wife) were one of the most exceptional couples I’ve ever met.  

I do know they shared an active sex life together all the way to the end.  I’m guessing they were pretty kinky too, at least all indications leaned that way.

But the relationship style was pure vanilla.

The bond they shared was forged in the great depression and a world war.

But, beyond that, it was built from shared hardships, common experiences, and mutual pleasures.

Those are the same elements which the best BDSM style relationships are also built upon.

Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.

Jalaluddin Rumi

mutual pleasure

Without a doubt, the deepest relationships I’ve ever had were Master/slave relationships.

Obviously, I don’t believe that BDSM relationships feature an inherently deeper bond than other relationship styles.  But, it’s clear they can offer a path to a very close connection.

So, what is it about power exchange relationships that elicit such deep intimacy and closeness?

I think, in the case of successful power exchange relationships, it starts with mutual pleasure.

Often that is what attracted us to each other in the first place.  Our common interests in power exchange, kink, fetish, BDSM.

At least that’s how it has been for me, those times when I’ve found a great bond with others.

Granted, I’ve always been a very sexual creature.  And elements of BDSM have been part of my sexuality since my earliest memory.

I’ve nothing against pure vanilla.  In fact, I consider it to be just another spice.  But, it’s not my preference.  It’s not my kink, but that’s ok.

With that in mind, nearly all of the peak experiences I’ve shared with submissive partners, with my slaves, have been built around BDSM.

And, it’s those incredible mutual pleasures that help to build the very strong bond that often happens in power exchange/authority exchange relationships.

You don’t build a bond without being present.

James Earl Jones

common experience

If common experiences are another part of creating a great bond, opportunities abound within BDSM relationships.

Munches and play parties are a good example.  When folks in a power exchange relationship attend a play party (or even a munch) it can create memorable experiences they will always share.

At the very least, they aren’t off playing golf or attending church groups alone.

Bigger events and festivals can have even greater effects.

I know that I was inspired to become a presenter one weekend while attending Kinky Kollege in Chicago.  A visit to IML (also in Chicago) served as the catalyst for the formation of the first MAsT group in Iowa.

And, I know that Twisted Tryst, a four day weekend of camping and kinky debauchery, has had a dramatic effect on the lives of many.

If it’s true that the family that plays together stays together, then power exchange relationships offer great opportunities for bonding through those common experiences.

Love is the bond of perfection.

John Winthrop

shared hardships

I know it may seem a little odd at first that I’ve included shared hardships as a part of bonding.  I know it happens as a part of power exchange relationships.  And, to my mind, it’s a very common occurrence.

For most power exchange participants, keeping their kink activities in the closet is a necessity.  Perhaps we are out to friends or even family.  But, it’s rare for most to have our kink fully integrated into our lives.

Obviously, that’s a form of a shared hardship, the kind that can create a strong bond in relationships.

Parents with children face a similar situation.

Hiding a vibrator or dildo may cause a certain sense of unease for parents of inquisitive children.  But, needing to conceal floggers and other similar implements of instruction can be more anxiety inducing still.

The need to keep our authentic lives secret creates a shared hardship that bonds those of us who have immersed ourselves in power exchange ever closer to each other.

bond – Michael’s way

I really don’t enjoy power exchange, or any form of BDSM play, without a connection.  It does nothing for me without a bond.

I stopped doing “pick-up” play of any kind a while back, for that very reason.

I need that bond.  It could be said that I crave it.

Without that connection, the power exchange is really a role-play.  Roleplaying and cosplay are fun, but they aren’t what truly fuel my fire.

It really is ALL about the bond for me…

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

The Best of Dickin’ Around…

dildo flippin' fun

I saw this on Facebook today, and thought it was an absolute hoot!

A post shared by Saucenstein (@piegle) on

Perhaps even better than the video itself, was the commentary offered by renowned BDSM author, Laura Antoniou.

Here. You wanna have a new freakin’ contest in the kink scene? This. I want to see the quarter-finals for this, and the grand…er…slam. I guess? I want to see folks going all balls to the wall while flinging their johnsons.

I want to hear announcers and color-folk and their coverage.

“And here’s Master Wolfdick, he surprised us all with that Triple Tallywhacker in Tulsa…”

“Oh, what a disappointment for Pup Waggletail! Her Bouncing Boner is *just* outside the target area. That’ll for sure put a knot in her plans to head for the final round.”

“Slave Stoneybutt approaches the line, eyes the course. Hey, is that the new Love Truncheon model from Dicks by Dykes, Sally?”

“It sure is, Jake, available in the vendor space for only $19.99 tonight…”

“Wow, look at that arc! This fucker really knows how to fly! And that’s one bounce – a flip – and it sticks the landing! Amazing!”

“Right on target! that’s some fast fascinus, for sure – I bet we’ll be seeing a lot more of those in future trials. Remember, the Love Truncheon is made in 16 colors and patterns by Dicks by Dykes, an official sponsor of the Northwest Goodfellow Games!”

Laura Antoniou

Antoniou’s commentary was as much fun (for me) as the video itself.

Laura is, of course, the author of the Marketplace series, a true classic in kink literature.

And, she’s no stranger to writing comedy/satire either.  Her book, The Killer Wore Leather, is a satirical classic in its own right.

I’d considered writing my own commentary, similar to Laura’s.  But, when in the presence of a Master of their trade…

Anyway, I hope it’s all good, eliciting a giggle (or laughter) for you too.

TMI Tuesday for 8-1-17 (originally August 23, 2011)

Random stuff the universe needs to know about YOU.

There was no TMI Tuesday posted for today, August 1, 2017.

I have no idea what the story is here.  I only know that I’d planned to participate this week.

As part of “curating” my past sex blogging content, I’m collecting everything here, under one roof, so to speak.

So I’ll present one of my prior TMI Tuesday efforts.  Previously posted at SpiritualBDSM.com.


 

1. When you go to a party, would you rather show up accidentally underdressed or overdressed?
I’d rather be overdressed than be too casual these days.

2. What is something you have won and how did you win it? (Inspired by the An Optimistic Virgin)
I won my slave’s heart! I prevailed with integrity, intellect, compassion, not to mention an overactive imagination in the bedroom, and a good measure of dominance to match her submission.

3. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, end, or top?
Bottoms up baby!

4. What is something your parents used to say to you that you promised yourself you would never say–but now you catch yourself saying frequently?
You can never go wrong by acting with class and dignity.

5. What 3 lies did you regularly tell your parents? If applicable, what 3 lies do you tell your parents now?
I never lied with regularity, not even to my parents.

6. What is something that you intended to do today but didn’t? Why not? Will you do it tomorrow?
I intended to write more on this blog, not just answer a TMI Tuesday . . . I didn’t write more because I used up the last of my energy visiting a sick parent in the Hospital. I hope to write more tomorrow, I hope to write more every day, whether I make the time and feel the inspiration is still up for grabs.

7. What is something that people do in traffic that really bothers you? (inspired by My Quest To Be A Good Girl)
I am bothered by people talking on cell phones while driving, their divided attention endangers other drivers.

8. Whose autographs have you collected? (You can stop at five, in case you’re an autograph hound or celebrity stalker).
Tony Oliva, Rod Carew, Harmon Killebrew.

Bonus: Where do you go to find solitude, tranquility or connection to a higher power?
During sacred sex – These days I find it in the bedroom when sharing sensual moments with my slave. The webs we weave (both figurative and literal) send us to powerful heights of shared passion.

Tony Oliva

TMI Tuesday blog

My Swedish sex toy was made in China?

Nea sounds like Neo? Really?

90% of toys are made in China, which technically makes the Chinese elves.

Sean Lock

A version of this post was originally published on October 13, 2011.  It has been edited and updated for MichaelSamadhi.com.

no deposit – no return

There are few guarantees when purchasing adult toys.

For public health reasons, returns are almost always forbidden by local law.  I think even my most staunch libertarian friends would accept that role for government regulation.

Who really wants a used dildo anyway?

(Btw – don’t answer that… you don’t want to go there… there are people who pay for used panties after all.)

Most adult toy makers offer no warranty on their goods.  But, there are a few higher end manufacturers offering a year (or perhaps two) of limited protection against failure.

This also makes sense to me.  Would you be ashamed to return some cheap ‘Johnson’ made by Doc Johnson?  I would.

Some toys are like a really bad one night stand.  The kind where it’s best to cringe, walk away, and pretend nothing happened.

Some things aren’t worth returning…

Sex toys have long since graduated from the floppy rubber things you hide in your bedside table to beautiful works of interactive art

Gwyneth Paltrow

it’s made where?

I recently had an experience with a warranty return on one of those higher end products.

It’s a really nice piece from an established and respected European company in the $100+ price range.

The toy’s name sounds a lot like a role once played by Keanu Reeves. (See subtitle.)

Please note that this particular company proudly advertises manufacturing all of it’s products ‘in-house’.  (edit – At least that was the claim when this article was first written.)

That leads me to believe, for instance, that if this particular company is headquartered in Sweden, then it’s gear would also be manufactured in Sweden.

Suzhou – Shanghai – Anchorage

Imagine my surprise then when the FedEx tracking for my warranty replacement originated in Suzhou, China.

That is not a typographical error either.

My package then transited through Shanghai.  Then to Anchorage.  Before finally making it to the mainland USA, and on towards the humble abode I call Chateau Samadhi.

this is Sweden – it’s a part of Europe

this is China, it’s not a part of Europe

We live in a day and age where good numbers of Chinese exports have been discovered to be tainted with heavy metals.  Poisonous chemicals, like diethylene glycol, have also been found in products from China.

For no other reason than that, I do my best to avoid purchasing products that wear the “Made in China” label.

And, health concerns are not my only worry.

political and religious prisoners

I’m also concerned about the common use of forced labor (i.e. political and religious prisoners) in Chinese manufacturing.  Estimates of the total number of Chinese political and religious prisoners run as high as six or eight million.

The use of those prisoners in manufacturing is both well documented and common.

Some of those individuals are imprisoned simply for their faith.

Most famously, this includes practitioners of Falun Gong.  But, they are not alone in suffering from Chinese persecution.

That’s a pretty disturbing thought for a blog author who believes that BDSM can be a spiritual activity.

As if being inducted into the “Made in China Prison Industrial Complex” wasn’t enough…

It’s said that religious prisoners receive the longest sentences, and worst treatment, once inducted into the Chinese penal system.

You may be reading this on a smartphone, while flying on a plane, or while nibbling on a bit of chocolate. And therefore, a new study asserts, it’s entirely possible that you’re enjoying the products of slave labor.

Jay Busbee

Yahoo News

like blood diamonds

I knew a girl who wouldn’t accept a $10,000 engagement ring without certification.

She had to know it was not a “blood diamond” used to fund some evil insurgent or warlord before ever wearing it.

Her poor unknowing fiance had to return the first ring he bought her…

Do you really think folks like that are going to take kindly to the possibility that the “Sweedish” toy humming in their vagina was made in China?

Can you imagine how she might respond if she found out the vibe was some kind of “prisoner dildo” fostering Communist repression?

Somebody’s got some ‘splaining to do!

God made everything that has life. And the rest is made in China.

Kcee Cunanan


Michael’s Way 2017

Outside of some relatively minor editing, everything above this point was written in October 2011.

I added a few links, illustrations, and made some formatting changes.  Shortening a few of the original’s run-on sentences was another goal of the revision.

I remain especially concerned today about human rights violations in China.  It’s a country where there are only five officially sanctioned religions.

Any spiritual/religious practice outside of those five ‘state’ religions is forbidden, not to mention punished.  Tibetan Buddhism is among the persecuted practices, which is a serious problem for me. 

You can be sure that it was made to look like an accident.  That it was a set up.

Peng Ming

Chinese dissident - predicted his own death in prison

made in China

I’m told that most of the world’s vibrators are made in China.  It’s said that the reason is economics.

I can’t say that I have direct evidence that adult toys are being produced by slave labor.  It is, however, very certain there are huge economic advantages for the Chinese economy in employing slave labor on such a massive scale.

When millions of individuals in your labor force are a ‘captive audience’, it’s relatively easy to produce a product that’s inexpensive.  Especially compared to the wages and benefits necessary for workers in European manufacturing.

Once upon a time, I collected nearly every offering produced by a certain Swedish sex toy company.  Since I discovered that their products were made in China, that’s no longer true.

Samadhi – Is That Italian?

getting email from 'the boot'

If you’ve read even a few of my postings, you know I almost always have an odd story to tell.

Today’s no different.

Perhaps, today’s post is a bit odder than most.

But, it’s said beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that truth is almost always stranger than fiction . . .

So, the other day I’m wading through my email inbox.  Deleting spam that slipped by the filters.  Responding to friends.

When I see a subject that was not at all familiar.

It read…

“Sono una donna matura desidero essere schiavizzata.”

Now, French I can read.

That was one of the few things in my favor when considering immigration to Canada.  You get a bonus from Canadian immigration authorities for speaking both of their native tongues.

It’s a language combination I call ‘Frenglish’.

I guarantee that message ain’t Frenglish.   And it doesn’t look like German, Spanish, or Portuguese either…

Fortunately, it’s easy to translate foreign language phrases online these days.  Online translators are smart enough that finding a translation didn’t require any guessing on my part.

Google translate knew my note was written in Italian.

The translator said that my message read . . .

Are a mature woman want to be enslaved.

Well now.  That translation makes perfect sense.

At least to me, it makes sense.

And, it explained the naked photo of a middle aged woman I found attached!

slaves without borders?

While I’m flattered certainly by the offer – kinda/maybe – I’m certainly not in the market to add another international slave to the household.

I mean I’ve already been grilled by the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement over bringing Serafina here from Canada.

It was a nerve wracking experience.

We’d done almost everything right.  All our paperwork was perfectly ‘by the book’…

Now, what gives then, with the email from Italy?

I mean, do I give the impression that I run the local office of “Slaves Without Borders” or something?

And, I have to be honest, this wasn’t even the first time I’d had email show up in Italian.

Why?

Not that long ago I’d read a worldwide poll reporting that German girls are the kinkiest, that they have the highest percentage of interest in BDSM and fetish activities.

Another ethnic group showing up high on the chart were Hebrews.  Although I wasn’t clear if they meant just individuals from Israel or otherwise.

The Netherlands was also high on the list if I remember correctly.  That’s not a huge surprise.  Not if considering that the fair city of Amsterdam is known not only for it’s hashish bars, but, also for it’s red light district.

Ladies from Italy barely made the lowest of the low poll numbers.  I think they were neck and neck with countries where Islam is practiced.

I mean the relative lack of kink in Muslim countries makes sense, in a way, to me. Who needs restraints and paddles if the mere glance of a woman’s face is considered risque?

All the thoughts about Hebrews and Muslims are not what’s terribly important to my point.

Although it does give hints as to which side of that deadly divide has more fun in my eyes.  (Hookahs and Harems notwithstanding.)

Nope, sorry, I digress.

My real point is that Italian women didn’t show up as being incredibly kink oriented.  But I get ladies from Italy writing . . .

It dawned on me the other day why this was happening.

It’s the name.

Samadhi?

Because Samadhi ends with an “i”, it looks Italian to some eyes.

Ferrari, Puccini, Guicci, Lamborghini, Giovanni, Alighieri, DeVinci, Vanzetti, Brunetti, Sisti, Antonelli, Parducci, Piccirilli, not to mention Manicotti (yum) – all Italian names ending in “i”.

And, that list is like the bite of a horsehair whip, it barely scratches the surface!

So let me clarify for you, my dear reader. The name “Samadhi” is actually Sanskrit in it’s origin.

Yes, I’ve bestowed myself with a name, a word, from a dead language.

When I first became interested in the combination of BDSM and Tantra, back around 1990, I began by studying a variety of texts on Tantric Buddhism.

There I ran across the term “Samadhi” which I was told translated to mean “peaceful transcendental bliss”.

Today, thanks to the wizards of Wikipedia, I can present a complete definition.

Samadhi (Sanskrit: समाधि) in Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, Sikhism and yogic schools is a higher level of concentrated meditation, or dhyāna. In the yoga tradition, it is the eighth and final limb identified in the Yoga Sūtras of Patañjali.It has been described as a non-dualistic state of consciousness in which the consciousness of the experiencing subject becomes one with the experienced object, and in which the mind becomes still, one-pointed or concentrated while the person remains conscious. In Buddhism, it can also refer to an abiding in which mind becomes very still but does not merge with the object of attention, and is thus able to observe and gain insight into the changing flow of experience.

It has been described as a non-dualistic state of consciousness in which the consciousness of the experiencing subject becomes one with the experienced object, and in which the mind becomes still, one-pointed or concentrated while the person remains conscious. In Buddhism, it can also refer to an abiding in which mind becomes very still but does not merge with the object of attention, and is thus able to observe and gain insight into the changing flow of experience.

Wikipedia

International House of Slavegirls

Back in 1990. Samadhi wasn’t a word you’d run across commonly.

That’s less true today.

I see things like “Samadhi Yoga Center”, and other uses of the word showing up commercially in some larger cities.

So just to be clear — the name Samadhi is the Buddhist name I’ve adopted.

I’m sorry to disappoint the small, but apparently unfulfilled, population of lovely Italian ladies in need of a Master.

There’s no “International House of Slavegirls” in my basement.