Tired Of Being Alone? Some Relationship Advice

If it worked for me, I'd think it could work for you too!

By | May 22, 2014
This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series Ask Michael Anything

Last night at FetLife, Mster_J asked a question in the Unfiltered BDSM group he owns and runs (he’s also the master of ceremonies for Mischief in May, CIPEX Board member, and a host of other marvelous things I don’t have the space to tell you about) that caught my eye.  I got a little carried away this morning, and managed to turn what might have been a simple answer to an interesting question into a manifesto of sorts, full of my own relationship advice.

Upon reading the response aloud to my sweet slave/wife Serafina, she promptly suggested that I cross post my answer here, as a bit of relationship advice for those who are tired of being by themselves.

Tired Of Being Alone by Mster_J
There are many so called Doms sitting in their mothers basement looking for the perfect submissive. She should be 5’2 40DD-24-36 blonde hair blue eyes. She should be a squirter and she should never say no. It doesn’t matter that you are a virgin and have never touched a real girl. So called Doms deserve a woman like this. ( in their masturbation fantasies)

I am very happy and content with those that serve me in my real life. I am, however, confused when I have guys or girls tell me that there is no one out there for them. There are very few parties that I don’t struggle because I want to do the pursuit and capture of some fair maiden. I see some fantastic submissives out there males and also females. I also see a lot of Dominants that would be fantastic to serve.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not looking that I see all these great people, or is it that they are expecting these potential partners to have all the bells and whistles already?

What advice do you have?

In vanilla terms, I’m a “relationship” guy. While I’ve played casually, it always felt pretty empty to me.


I’m a fat, balding middle aged guy who’s neither wealthy nor especially handsome, yet I have two enthralling submissives to call my own. What’s my secret? Find love, and seize the moments that love offers!

Yes, there are a great number of attractive and available submissive women available, and I do understand the temptation to play with as many of them as a dominant guy can manage. Variety is the spice of life they say. But, without a very real and significant connection to each other, what some would call love, it just doesn’t do much for me.

So, I’ve always worked on forming real relationships first and then let the kink roll out from there. My Serafina was not poly or kinky when we met each other in 2002. Now she’s the alpha slave in a 24/7 poly M/s triad relationship. The transition took a decade, but it was also interrupted by a long period where we were caregivers for my dying mother.

I’m not saying it’s an especially good idea to try to turn a vanilla love interest into slave in a 24/7 poly M/s relationship. Serafina had no real life experience, but she came to me interested in Tantra and bondage, we had a basis from which to grow.

We are just getting started together with Sinnja, who did come to me kinky and experienced, but the story is similar. She’s a beautiful masochist and has tremendous potential yet to be developed as a submissive, but it was the energy between us that attracted me. It was her great friendship with Serafina that empowered me to explore that energy. My style of poly is all about exploring mutually fulfilling relationships for everyone, not just me getting some extra on the side while Serafina does likewise.

In BDSM terms I’m an ownership & possession kind of guy. I don’t want to just play with my partner. And, simply developing affection between us isn’t enough either. I want love, commitment, surrender, transparency, and devotion along with my rope, restraint, floggers, clamps, etc.

I can’t have all that together without truly deep and meaningful relationships.

I don’t want a woman in my life simply because she needs a dominant, or because she needs someone to fill specific dominant aspects in her life she’s been longing for. Even with attraction and some connection between us, that sort of play is exciting but not enthralling.

I want enthralling and breathtaking BDSM. And for me, that means owning and possessing enthralling and breathtaking women. Nothing less will do!

My dream, it seems, has come true. I’ve found a wonderful pair of ladies who not only love me, but also love each other. They are both truly enthralling and yes they are breathtaking too. Anyone who knows them both knows this to be true, I’m not exaggerating. There’s still work to do to make Sinnja truly mine, but I’m a patient man, and it all seems rather inevitable at this point. It’s not a question anymore of “if”, simply attending to details to make “when” happen.

I kissed some frogs along the way, everyone does. My point is that I refused to “settle” for less than my dream. For me, enthralling and breathtaking aren’t going to result form casual play. I had to put myself out there again and again, but eventually then, my dream found me.

Get out and meet people, expose your hopes and dreams. Be real and sincere in all that you do. Some will laugh at your dreams, some will shriek and run away. All rejections will hurt, but some more than others. In the end though, it’s only though putting your heart out there, again and again, through risking yourself and the inevitable pain, that you can find the ultimate happiness – that how I found the truly enthralling and breathtaking.

There are no guarantees in life, but if it worked for me, I’d think it could work for you too!

Series Navigation<< Ask Michael Anything
Author: Michael Samadhi

Experienced, safe, sane, and consensual dominant. Mental aspects of BDSM are most important to my style of play. Nothing is quite as satisfying as really getting inside a submissive's head. I am a bondage aficionado, and a sensuous sadist. Other passions include floggers/ impact play, as well as sensation play of all kinds. Serafina, my devoted slave/wife, is alpha slave for the House of Samadhi leather family. Sinnja, our new love, is my slave in training.

34 thoughts on “Tired Of Being Alone? Some Relationship Advice

  1. john

    Great post; I think your 40DD women is fine as a masturbatory fantasy: hell if my fantasies and dreams were real then I’d have enough material for several dozen memoirs.

    They aren’t, and in many cases won’t be; they don’t exist to be a prelude to what I expect or want, they are a shortcut to a state of horniness to sate a need. They are no more real than the tooth fairy or the Easter Bunny.

    But believing the exaggerated fiction in your fantasies as a blueprint for your life will surely end in failure.

    “Get out and meet people, expose your hopes and dreams.” … Just wish I could have that conversation with a sixteen year old me. ;-)

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  31. imadreamer2

    I think society as a whole and Doms want young skinny women. If you don’t have a barbie doll figure you don’t stand a chance with a good Dom. So you are stuck with what you get, not always the real thing. I find they start talking and get all wound up then back down. One even quit to take an online slave but it didn’t work so came back to me. I get the feeling his is afraid he will fall in love with me and loose his chance for a slave. Because I will not agree to be a slave. I think I should be a sub first and get the sub thing down first but no he wants a slave. I am not ready to give up all my rights, just a few. One says there is no need for a safe word as he knows when to stop and I say no I need a safe word. One talks big but will most likely never meet in person. Despite saying he wants a BBW he really wants a skinny stick. Face it a woman with a 40DD breast is not going to be Twiggy. Even when I said I would be willing to try light S & M . Some times I get the impression he wants a virgin who will just melt in his arms and just like that be a wild cat in bed. Some or most don’t want to do any foreplay, they think they should be able to say get ready now and think the virgin should be wet all the time. First if they find a virgin she is a virgin because she is waiting for Mr. right and isn’t just going to jump into bed with you and once she does she is no longer a virgin. A woman can only lose her virginity once, whats so important about being a virgin? Guys wake up you need to nurture a relationship. It takes time to build trust and respect. Don’t expect to get respect if you don’t give it too. A good woman doesn’t want to be treated like a common whore and if she is willing to be a whore for you that doesn’t mean she wants to be one for every body else. I know a D/s relationship is supposed to be all about the Dom and his wants and desires but if you don’t give the sub some of hers why would she want to be your sub. Where did the safe, sane and consentual go? I also thought it was supposed to be for mutual enjoyment. To me mutual enjoyment means she gets an orgasm too. Why are so many men against foreplay. This cum on command is something I don’t fully understand. You get worked up and turned on why not turn on the woman. I don’t want to be alone but because I want something for myself I am not submissive. Oh well guess that’s the way it goes. I guess a woman like me who needs to feel love shouldn’t look for a Dom.

    1. Michael Samadhi Post author

      You really don’t understand the BDSM dynamic properly, nor well enough, to make such a sweeping statements as you make. Your experience has been a direct result of searching online for a dominant.

      I know that your own experience with so called dominants hasn’t been good, but believe me when I tell you that they – meaning good dominants) do exist. I’d suggest that you go to places like Riverbound or other local groups, and look for friends in the local community, that’s almost always better than searching online.

      The “battle between the sexes” doesn’t need to be a full fledged war, nor even a skirmish. I think that both of my slaves would tell you that what we’ve built together, despite the fact that it’s been under my direction, is a very real partnership.

      Every ship needs a captain. It doesn’t matter so much that one sex, or the other, captain the boat. Instead what matters is that in order for a captain to run a ship efficiently, they need a crew that works with them. It’s a two way street!

      PS – I had a 30 year old submissive with a skinny body who was mine last year. She’d only ever had sex with one man before me. So in your opinion, that’s what every man wants, right? Funny then that things didn’t work out with her because she wasn’t everything I wanted. I choose a relationship with Sinnjara because she gives herself to me with love and passion – I do my best to return the favor! Now, please go ask my Sinnjara if good dominants are only attracted to skinny women who like like Twiggy – I know that I judge a submissive far more on the shape of her character than I do the shape of her body!

      PPS – As for orgasm control and cumming on command, it really is best to avoid having too strong of opinions on a topic you don’t understand fully. If I were to lean over the table at an intimate dinner and count backwards from 5, saying the word “cum” instead of the number one, it’s quite likely that Sinnjara would have to excuse herself from the table to clean up her soaked panties that are the result of the orgasm she’d have. She’s turned on almost all the time we are around each other, so is Serafina. Yes, life isn’t like a fantasy novel, but we have plenty of sexual fun leading up to any play. Nobody here goes without . . .

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