- Nervous? – Wicked Wednesday #87
- Decisions? They Are Mine!
- The First Time Serafina Was Shared
- Balancing Pain And Pleasure
- I got a prayer with a girl . . .
- Hidden Problems
- Communicate and Educate
- Alone Together Again
- Energy Antennae
- “S” is for Safe Sex
- My Leather Family Comes Full Circle
- There Once Was a Chance I Didn’t Take
- Beyond Considering Sinnja
- Slippery Slopes and Trigger Warnings
- Jealousy – the Green Eyed Monster
- YKINMK – Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok)
- Charlotte! (Rhymes with Harlot)
- What Do You Doubt?
- If Orange is the New Black Then Black is the New White
- Sending Smoke Signals
- The difficult truth!
OMG YKINMK WTF?
This week’s Wicked Wednesday is about YKINMK.
Well, either that or YKINMKBYKIOK.
OK, maybe that’s really YKIOKIJNMK, or perhaps even TKINMKBTOK.
In case you don’t already know, or the post’s title didn’t give it away, YKINMK is an acronym for Your Kink Is Not My Kink.
All the rest of the alternative acronyms are just variations on a theme.
For instance, YKINMKBYKIOK then abbreviates Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is OK.
The other two you can figure for yourself. (Alternately, you can use the illustration that Marie Rebel, the lovely hostess/owner/beauty/brains behind Wicked Wednesday has so thoughtfully provided to accompany this week’s prompt – see below)
They are really all designed to provide the same message for the Kink/BDSM community. That is, in the end, a message of tolerance.
we are all outlaws
The reason tolerance is so very important is the fact that within the kink community, and especially within the BDSM community, we are all outside the sexual mainstream. It could be, quite accurately, said that we are all outlaws.
Although it wasn’t the main point of the essay, I touched on this in a recent post here at the Joy of Kink, “O” is for Outlaw No More.
It’s no longer illegal to be gay. It’s still illegal for me to spank my wife. A man no longer has to risk his home and livelihood to suck another man’s cock, but he’s still risking everything if he wants to tie his partner up and slap the cock (and or partner) around a little before he sucks it.
Kink is more common and more accepted in our society than ever before, yet we are still criminalized. When a reckless and misguided individual that was a part of the BDSM community began outing people, it was an offense worthy of being banned from the club.
Because we are all outlaws. Because some of our actives are at best questionable under the law, and at worst outright illegal, we all have a vested interest in tolerance. Your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is ok because we all have to be tolerant, lest the entire community dissolve into a battleground of criminal charges against most every participant.
what about YKINMYAYKIPFU?
Of course the message isn’t universal. YKINMYAYKIPFU does exist.
In case the FU at the end didn’t make the last acronym obvious, that one stands for – Your Kink Is Not My Kink (And Your Kink Is Pretty Fucked Up).
To be very honest, YKINMYAYKIPFU is going to exist. It’s inevitable.
Folks who are coprophiliacs make a perfect example. Something close to a year and a half ago I wrote an essay about a Fetlife debate that touched on the subject of coprophilia. The post was called – Kid, we don’t like your kind, and we’re gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington. Here’s a quote from the relevant portion of that post, to illustrate this point:
There’s a lot of debate going on at Fetlife right now about freedom of speech. The debate was sparked in light of the decision to place stronger limits on what cannot be posted and discussed at this site. This decision was taken after Fetlife lost their credit card processor, a result of hosting discussions on some subjects that are taboo.
One vocal group in the debate has been the coprophiliacs. They resent being lumped together with the pedophiles, zoophilics, and incest fetishists. I’ve also read a few rumblings from the zoosexual folk that they resent being lumped together with the pedophiles too. The incest lovers don’t really want to be associated with pedophiles either, at least that’s my understanding. Apparently being a pedophile is like farting in church – nobody wants to sit next to you!
Every one of those mentioned activities – coprophilia, zoophilia, pedophilia, and incest fetishism – is on the average BDSMer’s list of hard limits. Yet, each group had vocal adherents in the FetLife debate.
My point is that the philosophy of “Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok)” runs into it’s biggest snags the more extreme the fetish becomes, not to mention the more it falls outside of “mainstream” thinking for the BDSM community. That’s because somebody somewhere is going to find one of your personal hard limits to be their greatest turn-on in the world. Does the philosophy of Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok) apply to children, pets, shit, and relatives too?
lines drawn in the sand?
It seems that Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok) works fine up to a point, but then there are lines drawn in the sand. Those lines are drawn based on what is considered to be “beyond the beyond” for the person drawing the line. I might allow in the zoophiliacs and the incest fetishists but segregate the coprophiles and pedophiles. You might draw the lines differently.
So, perhaps to be most accurate, YKINMK should perhaps be changed to YKINMKATOKUYKIJS – Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That’s OK Unless Your Kink Is Just Sick.
Dang, like debates about censorship, we are now on a slippery slope. Where do we draw the lines? How do I define some activities as “just sick”, but not others, when mainstream society considers most of what I do to be “just sick”.
Is it like the infamous quote by Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, who quipped – “I know it when I see it” – referring to obscenity and hard core pornography?
Who gets to say where that line is drawn?
Certainly, there are cultures where sex with minors is considered acceptable. Some cultures have ritualized the act. Should they get a pass on the pedophilia restriction if it’s a part of an existing New Guinean religion just as some Rastafarian’s argue that they should be given an exception to the law for smoking their sacrament, which is the illegal drug cannabis?
YKINMK – Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s ok)
It’s easy to preach tolerance, it’s much harder to practice. And the lines can get pretty blurry. If somebody else wants to hurl shit at their sex partner, it’s no skin off my nose.
Just don’t do it in my home and we’ll all be fine. You don’t need to offend my nose while practicing your kink.
Touch a friend’s underage daughter, and that’s a different story, at least for me. I’m tolerant, but there are limits!
Where do yours lie?